MW Arizona Politics

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8/18/2003:
Gasoline Shortage Chokes Valley
Your Mr. Wonderful, while driving the mighty Hyundai into work this morning in the pre-dawn northeast Phoenix area, was disappointed to drive by five gas stations that had their pumps tagged and bagged. At four of the five, I stopped, stepped out and took a few digital photos. At the Mobile station on the southwest corner of Tatum and Greenway, a runt of an employee, with obviously nothing to do and a Danny DeVito complex to vent, approached me. I had just taken a flash photo and again had my 5.7 megapixel Minolta up to my face, when I heard, "Can I help you?" In amazement, I slowly lowered my camera, and suffering from a slight tequila hangover throbbing behind my temples, responded with, "Does it look like you can help me? Isn't it obvious what I'm doing? I'm taking pictures of the empty gas pumps!" He responded with some insane thing as if he owned the station. He proved to be such an idiot I had him fill out a job application for the same security agency that employs me. We shook hands and I drove off. Finally, on the southwest corner of Union Hills and Tatum I found a Circle K that had gasoline. While I filled the sleek silver Sonata I also snapped some photos of the crowded gas pumps. I paid a not unreasonable $1.84 9/10's a gallon for my fill-up. Pulling my car away from the pumps into the parking spaces in front of the store, I approached a freaky looking Circle K employee (is that being redundant?) He was leaning on the white self-serve cage that held twenty or so five gallon propane bottles, in the middle of an undoubtedly well-deserved cigarette break. I smelled an interview was in order. I asked him the obvious question, "Why do you want to look like a circus carny?" I blocked his ill-advised and even more poorly executed left hook and took his lanky six foot four inch frame down to the concrete apron. With my knee on his throat, right below his goofy looking goatee, he croaked, "We got a tanker in at 11:30PM yesterday and we'll be out of gas by 7AM this morning." I jerked him up by his right hand, which I hand been holding in a Kung-Fu pinch grip, brushed him off, and jumped back into my vehicle. Rumors are flying. One claim is that the Major Oil Companies have informed their retailer's to 'tag & bag' their gas pumps, even though they are not empty, to a station in Chandler having gas, and not prominently displaying the price until you get to the head of the line, and then discover it is $3.99 per gallon. I'm sure there's more to come.

August 13th, 2003:
Public Servant Paparazzi
Photo radar at virtually every busy Scottsdale intersection. Doesn't it disturb anyone but me? Do my reader's realize that these devices now utilize digital technology and that the megapixels are transmitted directly to the (undoubtedly anonymous location) of the headquarters of Big Brother? Images to be viewed by anyone of their choosing? I hear the saps out there naively uttering, "So what? I'm not doing anything illegal." Does that admission then give governments the right to photograph you, your friend's, your family, your children, your drinking buddies, your classmate's, your fellow parishioner's or your lover's, whenever you venture outside of your residence into the public arena? Photo Radar Scottsdale Does that give them the right to then distribute those digitized photos however they deem necessary, even within the 24,000 mile strands of the World Wide Web? Don't think that unscrupulous government employee's (is that being redundant?) ex-employee's or sub-contractor's won't do as they wish with these images, regardless of what 'safeguards' are employed. But you never, ever, do anything illegal or improper or embarrassing or stupid do you? You're never anywhere you 'shouldn't' be, correct? Guys, take a moment away from memorizing Arizona Diamondback's statistic's and gals, put aside for the moment what you would do with a bare-chested Justin Timberlake and ponder the following. I'm sure you've noticed how the EPA, in order to justify their continued existence and billions dollar budget, keeps lowering the amount of particulates and ozone allowed in the air we breathe? Magically revealing that what was once 'healthy air' is today 'deadly air'? Until, as one Arizona legislator said years ago, ". . . there is pure oxygen coming out of the tailpipes of all Arizona automobiles." Here is a happy little fact that I learned at my "Crash Course" driver's training. And that is that speed limits are what they are. For instance, everyone in the Paradise Valley / Scottsdale, Arizona photo-radar shooting range are aware that exceeding the posted speed limit by 11 mph will earn that vehicle the not-too-friendly bright white wink of the $50,000 camera and a ticket in the mail. In an era of dwindling tax receipts, there is nothing in law to hinder the city government's of The Valley of the Sun, from gradually, and unannounced, lowering the flash-point from 11 to 10 to 9 mph. Each graduation bringing in hundreds of thousands of previously unharvested taxpayer dollars. Government gradually turning up the heat, just like boiling a frog. Well, you get the picture. I mean photo. Likewise, there is nothing to restrain Big Brother Government's from flashing photos at random and mailing traffic tickets to those driver's not wearing their shoulder harnesses. Or maybe not wearing their prescription glasses. Or, during the night photography sessions, ticketing driver's for simply displaying a burned-out tail light or headlight. Typical Caucasian: Adolph Hitler Or, as bright as it is in The Valley of the Sun, simply turning the 'cameras' into always-on video monitors and keeping an eye on us 24 hours each day. And, as Arnold says, "Listen to me now and hear me later," Don't think that a federal government that allows the murder of millions of pre-humans/fetuses (aka: 'Choice') will give a dog turd about your right to privacy. Adolph Hitler (who I am certain even you public school kids know about, because he was the typical evil Caucasian that the PC, multicultural, diversity-prone, socialist NEA loons salivate over) said over sixty years ago: "It is good for the governments that the people do not think."

7/31/2003:
Mr.Wonderful Crashes into Pole
I'm sure you've noticed how the dumb bastards in city government coordinate with other dumb bastards in neighboring city governments to schedule street construction on parallel or horizontal thoroughfares. This leaves Valley of Sun driver's with no choice but to endure painfully slow construction speed limits no matter which route is attempted. If you imagine that these schedules are drawn up to save our tax dollars you are daft (daft adj. 2. insane; crazy; mad.) These road construction projects are begun in the manner they are because our government powers-that-be could give a dog-turd about a mere citizen's inconvenience. They also desire to undeniably demonstrate the mastery they have over our daily lives. Last but not least, these governments look forward to the revenue generated via the double-fines-when-workers-are-present construction speed limit laws. Sometimes, in order to get to the Sam's Club off of the 101, your Mr.Wonderful must travel south on Pima Road in north Scottsdale. It's had construction speed limits of 35 mph for months. The non-construction speed limit is 55 mph and most vehicles are traveling at anywhere from a minimum of 60 mph to over 85 mph. In the early afternoons I sometimes maneuver the mighty Hyundai south on Pima Road and as I enter the miles-long construction zone, I slow the beast down to 40 mph or less. Then I engage the black & red button in the middle of my dash to activate my emergency four-way flashers. Those tasks accomplished, risking picking up nails, I begin to hug the very right edge of the asphalt while at the same time looking more into my rear-view mirror than through the windshield ahead of me. Each time I dare to cruise on this stretch of heavily traveled four lanes of pavement, I have avoided being rear-ended by mere inches. I can picture my family erecting one of those crosses with the plastic flowers (collected at Michael's) on the exact spot where the largest remnant of my car tumbled to a still smoldering halt after having been slammed from the rear by a cement mixer clearly exceeding the construction speed limit. So, you might suggest, "Take another road south, you dummy." Okay, also under construction is Scottsdale Road above the Bell Road/Frank Lloyd Wright intersection. And likewise, the last southbound artery, Tatum Boulevard, is also under construction between Dynamite and Pinnacle Peak Roads. Which is where I hit the post. I was heading south, my cruise control set at the entirely reasonable 35 mph construction speed limit, tailed by a line of vehicles so close together we could have been mistaken for a multi-colored Amtrak Train (only with us, every car was full.) While watching the river of cars and trucks in my rear-view mirror I heard a loud slam. My heart sank, but since I was in the engineer's chair, I dare not slow down. Finally, somewhere south of Bell Road, preparing to change lanes, I checked my passenger side mirror only to find it folded up flat against the window. Once stopped, I checked the mirror, folded it back out, and found no scratches on the car body or the nacelle housing the mirror. Reconstructing the collision, I surmise the nacelle hit one of the temporary white and orange striped construction posts that was set just a little too close to the compressed lane of traffic.

7/9/2003:
The Cash Register called Photo Radar
For a handful of mornings I rounded the corner as dark-suited and Ray Charles-sunglassed agents of The Matrix wired-up the photo-radar-speed and red light apparatus at the intersection of Scottsdale and Cactus Roads in Scottsdale, Arizona. About four miles further north, where Scottsdale crosses Bell Road, I did not notice them permanently mounting the same foul devices. But, your Mr.Wonderful was unconcerned, because during my $105, nine hour, driver's training "Crash Course" I was assured again and again that the speed function was set to trigger at only 11 MPH, or above, the posted speed limit. The red-light-running photo function didn't concern me, because I don't run red lights. And I don't drive a Ford Crown Victoria sedan, so I can fearlessly brake to an abrupt stop. Imagine my surprise, driving north to my horrible job on the nearly deserted post-July-Fourth Scottsdale Road and when crossing Bell Road my being illuminated by a light brighter than the sun. A certain indication my photo had been snapped for a speed violation. Immediately I confirmed my speedometer needle was hovering at 52 MPH. A mere 7 MPH above the posted 45 MPH speed limit. I had a crappy eight hours at my crappy job. The next workday, Monday, July the 7th, I again bravely steered the mighty silver Hyundai thorough the intersection at Scottsdale and Bell Roads. Again the photo-speed-radar snapped my handsome visage. Only this time, at 5:42AM, I was traveling at the light-rail speed of only 35 MPH. Tuesday, I again went through the above mentioned intersection at exactly 45 MPH, the same speed posted on the Scottsdale Road speed limit sign about 3/10's of a mile south of Bell Road. Only this time, I was prepared with a 'double-bird' salute to the vampires of the MATRIX. And I was not disappointed as the photo-speed-radar flashed your Mr.Wonderful's mug for the third time. I understand, from talking with my 'Frozen Brother's of the North' (aka: Canadian's) that even though that socialist country began using photo radar nationwide years ago, their courts quickly judged the process to be a violation of their Constitution and outlawed all photo-radar use. Ponder on that. We cannot let this unlawful intrusion into our lives continue without complaint. An intrusion, under the guise of traffic control, when it is in reality just another hose for the City of Scottsdale to suck hard earned dollars from the wallet of every legal resident. (Since illegal alien's / undocumented worker's are driving under illegally obtained plates and registration and do not possess driver's licenses or permanent addresses, they are immune. Their identities are unknown to the MATRIX.) Photo-radar is just another tax poorly camouflaged as a 'public safety' issue. Would the same photo-radar system catch a car-jacking? an individual driving down the concrete median at 44 MPH? a sleeping illegal alien falling from his bed of clippings onto the 142F degree pavement? a drunken or stoned driver swerving across all lanes of traffic? No, no, no and no. If we cower before this flashing electronic assault, there will next be photo radar in our toilets to be sure we wipe our asses correctly and silently adding one more line to our water bill, fining us for every faulty pass we make with the Charmin.

6/29/2003:
"It's not the Heat, it's the Heat"
It was over 110F degrees Sunday. Dark at 8:00PM, I carefully parted the mini-blinds over my kitchen sink and peered out at the incredibly accurate MW thermometer. The needle had settled on 99F degrees. Earlier in the day it was already so hot, yard work was out of the question, especially on my one day off per week. Something most of us desk-bound, working-indoor-types never contemplate, is exactly why the temperature readings are taken "in the shade". It's because the temperature in the direct sunlight fluctuates and is many degrees higher than in the shade. Looks like I'll be shaving the 18,000 square feet MW yard with my grey Whitetrash brand lawnmower in the dusk until this October. The last night-mowing I orchestrated clipped off the head of an unfortunately tall sprinkler. However, I did get a chance to refresh my skills on how to work with pvc pipe and glue. Because she had applied for employment at Troon Golf, the Mrs.Wonderful was able to tell me where Kierland Commons was located. (Of course I've been driving right by it for over a year.) Kierland Directory I needed this information because I understood there was a Barnes & Noble mega bookstore there that must have replaced the closed Bookstar (also Barnes & Noble) that was formerly located near the Wonderful manse. Once at Kierland, I easily found parking. Not a good sign for any shopping complex. Especially on a Sunday afternoon. Kierland Commons, located off of Scottsdale Road is an open-air mall, much like Scottsdale's original "street mall", 5th Avenue, which is about eight miles further south and also intersects a very busy Scottsdale Road. Although the upscale small shops are on four or five narrow asphalt streets and are lined with hundreds of misters spraying their cooling vapors onto the few pedestrians, it is still damned hot. I found myself thinking, "Man, Herberger really messed up on this one. Who would build an open-air mall in Scottsdale, Arizona?" But then I came to my senses, realizing that the mall was actually built to draw our huge tourist population that rolls in around October of each year. I was taken aback by how many of these ritzy stores had four foot high sandwich signs standing outside shouting about their sales. Even outside Agata, the "knock-off designer dress" store, that opened shortly after the owner's husband's IPO gathered-in $45 million for his computer company. Probably six or seven of these stores had not a single customer inside. Kierland street Not a good sign. Of course there was a Starbuck's, but sadly, it wasn't inside the crowded two story Barnes and Noble edifice. With my entire wealth tied up in my Starbuck'scard®, I wasn't able to enjoy a cup of java. I noticed many lines tailing away from the three or four help desks and wondered why. Searching for a computer terminal and finding none I was reminded why I preferred Border's over Barnes & Noble and also why there such long lines at the service desks. Even the public libraries have CRT monitors these days, why doesn't Barnes & Noble? My curiosity satisfied, I bid a hurried and sweaty adieu to B&N and Kierland.

6/3/2003:
School's Out: Time to Arrest the Students !
Scottsdale City Limit Sign School's out for Valley of the Sun students, and the City of Scottsdale is enforcing its curfew. For minors younger than 16, the restricted times are from 10PM until 5AM and for those aged 16 to 17, the hours are midnight to 5AM. Of course I'm sure this curfew is just another way for Scottsdale to ring up more revenue rather than an actual attempt to improve "life" in this hotter-than-hell Valley. Your Mr. Wonderful, being a lifelong resident of the Phoenix/Scottsdale area, was actually thrown in Scottsdale jail for a curfew violation way back in 1968. We were driving on north Scottsdale Road. In those ancient days, "north Scottsdale Road" was still south of Bell Road because north of Bell Road was dirt. I happened to be with Ron Watanabe, Vice President of my Cortez High School Class of 1969, but the officer's weren't impressed. We were unceremoniously tossed in a cell and in about forty five minutes, our really pissed-off parents, driving from the area of 39th and Glendale Avenues, arrived to bail their minor criminals out.

2/7/2003:
Arizona Legislators
Salivate over State Comp. Fund
Looking for an easy way out of the $1.3 billion Arizona State deficit, our legislators are eyeing the 'wealth' of the consistently well-run (Arizona) State Compensation Fund. According to an article in the February 6th, 2003, Arizona Republic, in a column bylined Yvette Armendariz, the Fund has developed assets of over $2 billion. Apparently the Fund's assets minus their liabilities leave a possible $500 million nest egg. The Fund was created with monies from the State of Arizona in 1925 and the Fund repaid the State in full in 1938. Most of my reader's are probably more familiar with the phrase "Worker's Compensation", the mutual fund type insurance company that pays off on injuries that occur at work. One of the reason's that the Fund has done so well over the years is because their employees are not pencil pushing pension pondering water cooler draping government employees. I recall years ago, when there was a deficit in the State budget and the legislator's then also wanted to sell the Fund. AZ_State_Capital I remember the good old days when that 'evil' Fife Symington was governor, while your Mr. Wonderful was still a prosperous business owner and the State was actually cutting taxes (the monthly State sales tax on leases) leaving behind, not a deficit, but a $100 million 'rainy-day' fund. The function of the Fund is provide a place for many, mostly small, Arizona employers to purchase the State mandated "Worker's Compensation" insurance without having to meet the added burden that a profit making corporation would layer on top of current premium costs. And consider this, if the Fund was not being managed properly, and had not been managed properly for over 70 years, it would not be worth one-half billion dollars. Because, among other things, besides rebating a percentage of premiums paid to accident-free companies and penalizing 'unsafe' companies with higher rates, for decades the Fund has taken care to devote premium dollars paid in by employers into only the most prudent of investments. However, for a one-time grab of $500 million, that they had no hand in creating, our legislators, to bail their fannies out of the immense deficit they undoubtedly created, are willing to raise the cost of doing business for thousands of small companies (who employ 90% of all Arizona workers) over the next hundred years, resulting in lower wages, less creation of new businesses, the evaporation of many now marginal businesses and the driving away from the Grand Canyon State sources of new capital, new enterprises and new sources of revenue.

1/28/2003:
Rapidly Growing Mexican-National
Population makes Arizona #1 in Crime
Today talk radio is four-walling the latest report by the Arizona Criminal Justice Commission that reveals that Arizona ranks number one in crime overall in the nation. We are the absolute number one in auto theft. typical illegal alien mode of transport And it is a verified fact the majority of Arizona vehicles are stolen by Mexican nationals and then driven down to, where else? Mexico. We are also number one in the 'property crime' category. We also rank in the FBI's top ten in murder, robbery and burglary. The publisher's of this report blame Arizona's awful ranking on our "rapidly growing population." I am sure, that in an effort not to offend our exploding Hispanic community, once again the media refuses to complete the above sentence. As my reader's know, Mr. Wonderful is not afraid of offending. The completed sentence should read, Arizona ranks number one in crime nationally because of our, "rapidly growing population of illegal Mexican aliens." You've watched the 6:00PM and 10:00PM news and seen again and again that the victims of crime are Mexican's (who do not know enough English to be seen on camera) and that the 'accused' are almost always also Mexican's. Both victim and criminal are typically Mexican nationals who are in Arizona illegally. It just burns me up that every time I turn on Channel 12 News, in an effort to attract more of these illegal-Latino viewers (who do not speak English as a second, third or fourth language) that Gannett has signed on yet another 'Hispanic' announcer who always ends her on-the-scene report by proudly pronouncing her surname extra loud, complete with diphthongs and plenty of spittle leaving her lips. And exactly what do these Latino/Hispanic/Mexican-American announcers report on? The latest drowning, fatal auto accident, car-jacking, home invasion, kidnapping, drug bust, car theft, burglary or murder involving who else, but illegal Mexican aliens. Mexico is the Third World people. Mexico's President is corrupt and the Mexican Supreme Court is corrupt. The entire government of Mexico is corrupt. Drawn by employment promised by traitorous American businessmen and homeowners, these Third-World illegals continue to stream across the Arizona border leaving in their wake a locust-like swath. In addition, far too many of them, along with their polio, tuberculosis, ecoli and gluttonous thirst for our social services, are also smuggling across our borders the ingrained and corrupt way of life that living in Mexico demands but which Arizonan's find repugnant and our laws deem illegal and felonious.

1/23/2003:
Celebrity Shooting in the Valley !
A few Sunday's ago, former President Bill Clinton was seen shooting a round of golf in the Valley at one of Mr.Wonderful's usual hang-outs. WJC evidencing poor form Of course, due to the economic shambles Willy and the Ice Queen left our economy in, your Mr. Wonderful, rather than enjoying a quenching green bottle of beer and gazing at the same State Trust land governor Butch Napolitano is eyeing, was working my ass off picking up a few more hours of OT. I understand the Man from Hope was accompanied by a lady and a gentleman. And, while in the bedroom this playboy President, hobbled both on and off the fairways by a wicked hook, needed no protection, but apparently on the golf course he was surrounded by more than a dozen S.S. Troops - I mean Secret Service agents. The S.S. Troops come when his Hitleresque Hillary is selected Chief Executive in 2008. Personally, I believe the man made a deal with the Devil, not figuratively, but in reality. I also believe, due to actions he took during his presidency, he has hundreds of millions, if not a cool billion dollars in offshore numbered accounts. But don't expect the DeMedia to ever let us know about that eh? Being my readers are also taxpayers they are probably concerned about the cost of all those Secret Service agents guarding our first "Black President." Well, it was obvious Mr. Clinton was concerned too, because he enjoyed his golf before the greens fees jumped from 'off season' to 'on season' rates.

1/20/2003:
Senator Rios,
"Issue Illegal's Drivers Licenses"
Once again, Senator Pete Rios, D-Hayden, is making his yearly trek to the hallways of the Arizona Legislature in his never ending effort to implement his first step to make all (Hispanic) criminal-illegal-aliens full citizens. His first step consists of issuing Driver's Licenses to Arizona's undocumented aliens. He claims this would guarantee that they know our driving laws and would allow them to register their vehicles and that would force them to participate in Arizona's mandatory auto insurance program. Let's take a logical look at the Senator's 'Jesus-in-a-pancake' proposal. Number one, these individuals are dirt poor, often earning less than $5.50 per hour and living multiple families in one residence. And while necessities include weekly lottery tickets, shopping carts full of beer and cigarettes, they are certainly not going to part with a single peso more to meet un-enforced local regulations. Number two, every single "undocumented alien" ipso facto is a lawbreaker. They add to their rap-sheet by driving without a license, registration or vehicle insurance. Does the Senator believe that all of a sudden these undocumented aliens would become law abiding residents willing to spend hundreds of dollars on driver training, driver licensing and auto insurance? And that's not to mention the cost of bringing up to emission standards the wrecks that most illegals purchase, for cash, from private road side sellers? The final hurdle and the one which exposes how much of sham Senator Rios driver license proposal is: Does he honestly believe that American auto insurance companies would issue policies (and accept liability) for individuals whose nationality is other than American, have zero assets and who are here only because they violated our immigration laws?

1/20/2003:
Pollster. An Arizona Republic,
"Mover & Shaker" Why ?
"The reflections of movers and shakers . . ." read the headline in the December 22nd, 2002, Arizona Republic. The article went on to quote six Arizona "M and Esser's" blathering about the horrible and back-boneless term of former Governor Jane "Big Red" Hull. I wasn't so much interested in what these V.I.P.'s (of whom probably only one was born here) had to utter, than in the half dozen chosen, five of whom were from the left of the political spectrum. My pupils shrank as I narrowed my gaze to view the familiar visage of long-time Valley pollster, Earl deBerg, while, simultaneously, a question entered my mind. Familiar, because your Mr.Wonderful used to be one of the individuals deBerg's firm, "Behavior Research Center" polled for my opinions. Of course, as soon as he discovered, seated across the table from me at his Central Phoenix offices, that I was a logical, no-nonsense, well-read and politically aware businessman, my wonderful name was quickly scrubbed from his invite list. Be that as it may, my question today is, "Why is a pollster on any list of movers and shakers ?" Doesn't a pollster simply publish the results of polls of what people think? Of course, I'm playing dumb here, and likewise, the DeMedia has inadvertently revealed that they know pollster's, especially left-leaning liberals, like Monsieur deBerge, do not honestly record citizen's opinions, as much as they SHAPE them, with poll questions engineered to illicit the pre-ordained 'correct' answer. Including a legitimate pollster on a list of "movers and shakers" would be like asking a water-meter-reader about conservation trends. Understand that left-wing pollster's couch their questions in such a manner that the respondent must give the answer that the person's, corporation or organization sponsoring the survey want to hear. Unlike many of my reader's, Mr.Wonderful is polled quite often, so I know of what I speak. I'll always remember the "unbiased, scientific" survey I once participated in, that, in order to answer a particular question, you had to agree that 'Global Warming' was a proven fact! I argued with the pollster until she offered me an additional question about the validity of Global Warming . . . which I'm sure was thrown in the trash. I mean recycle bin.
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