Well, somewhat of a barrier was broken through tonight. I'm beginning to notice that Toby comes into work every time that I'm working. I wonder if this is going to be habitual? I sure wouldn't mind...
But anyways, onto my degree. He came in today, and was surfing the Internet as usual, football sites and such. I had been cleaning parts to the ice cream machine, and I was standing next to him at the computer. He looked at me for just a bit, and then he started to touch my chin.
"You have something on your chin." he said, and touched the area around my chin delicately with his fingertips. I was speechless. I seriously didn't know what to say, and I kind of jumbled on, to keep a stable conversation.
"Oh, um ok, thanks." I said kind of breathily.
"Are you going to dirty me now?" he asked, and swiveled around in his chair.
Oh, I so badly wanted to make a lascivious comment. I was tempted, and almost resulted into saying one, but I held back my intentions.
I just took my wet finger and touched his neck. "There, you're dirty." I said. Darn, I really should have perversed an autoerotic remark.
Later on that night, I saw a bunch of ketchup on his tater tots he was going to eat outside.
"Ew! How can you like so much ketchup?" I exasperated.
"It's good! Don't you like it?" he asked, and began to walk outside.
"Not that much!" I exclaimed. "I only like it on potatoes."
"But these are potatoes!" he exclaimed, and gave me a weird look like I didn't know what tater tots were made of.
"That's a lot of ketchup though! Are you from the Midwest?" I asked, referring to my memory that my grandparents and dad liked a lot of ketchup and gravy as sides for their meals.
"Nope, born and raised here." he concluded that final conversation.
I don't remember what brought it up, but I told him that I was going to die of cancer at age thirty-six or thirty-eight. He appeared shocked to hear this. I had to take out an order, but he kept asking why I thought that. Then I said that I didn't know, it was just a feeling, and that I was going to get a divorce in my life. He kept asking me about this, but let me deliver my order. Then I didn't continue the conversation with him because Stacey went outside to talk to him, so I just grabbed the broom and bucket and started cleaning the patio.
I got half way around the building when I saw that Toby was pulling away from the stall he parked at. I stood in the middle of the road as he approached me in his truck. I held up my hands for defense, even though I was playing around. He stopped his truck to where I was standing. He wanted to know more about my feelings on my future, and I said that I really didn't know. I did tell him I wasn't too sure on the cancer thing happening to me, but I did have a feeling I would get a divorce.
"You're not even married!" he exclaimed.
"I know that! But I just feel it. I mean, my mom got a divorce, and I feel like I'm going to go through her footsteps. But I'm not going to have kids at 39." (My mom had me when she was 39.) "She's 55 right now."
"Mine are 52 and 48."
"Well, you're 20, so it's better. She's 55." I reiterated.
Then he started to drive off, but he stopped. "Hey, email me at the one at work. That's the one I check most." he said.
"Okay." I replied.
"Hey, I also really like your website. I mean it."
"Thanks." I smiled.
"Do you mean everything you said in there?" he looked directly into my eyes when he asked that.
I looked back at him, and thought about how I would answer his question. I knew I would say yes, but I wanted it to come out genuine. "Yes." I replied, sincerely. I knew what he was talking about then - The Crosser Crusades.
"I haven't stopped smiling." he said, and smiled at me. It was the sweetest smile I'd ever received.
I really didn't know what to say then, because we were still smiling and looking at each other. I really wanted to look away and revel in my happiness so he wouldn't see how happy his comment had made me. I think I said "Thanks, I appreciate it." or something like that. I really had to turn away then, and I cleaned up the rest of the lot happily while Toby drove away.
And since then, I haven't stopped smiling.