The Rules of Motorcycles
Midnight Bugs taste Best
Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need.
Wear Heavy Boots. You can't kick things when you're wearing sneakers
NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque wrench
If you're a complainer, ride at the back of the pack so you won't contaminate the rest of the group.
Never try to race an old Geezer, he may have one more gear than you.
The size of the PISTON don't tell you nothin' about the DEPTH of the stroke.
Home is where your bike sits still long enough to leave a few drops of oil on the ground.
You'll get farther down the road if you learn to use more than two fingers on the front brake.
Routine maintenance should never be neglected
It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.
The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rearview mirror.
Never be afraid to slow down.
Only Bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows.
Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory.
Never ask a biker for directions if you're in a hurry to get there.
If it take more than 3 bolts to hold it on, it's probably crucial.
Anything that shows up on more than 2 bikes is a FAD.
Remember that you will be judged by the Horse you rode in on.
Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.
Pie and Coffee are as important as gasoline.
The number of kicks it takes to start your bike is directly proportional to the number of spectators.
Never ask your bike to scream before her throat is good and warm.
Sometimes it takes a whole tankfull of gas before you can think straight.
If you want to get a job, you may have to compromise your principals. You may even have to shave.
Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.
Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.
Never mistake Horsepower for staying power.
A good rider has balance, judgement, and good timing. So does a good lover.
A cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by strapping it to an exhaust pipe and riding forty miles.
Never do less than Forty miles before breakfast.
If you don't ride in the rain-you're not a rider.
A bike on the road is worth 2 in the shop.
Respect the person who has seen the Dark side of motorcycling and lived.
Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
Overconfidence can be supplied by spare spark plugs, a set of wrenches, and a roll of toilet paper.
Never offer to fight an OLD geezer. If you win, there's NO glory. If you Lose, your reputation is shot.
A good wrench will let you watch without charging you for it.
Advice is free and worth every penny.
Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.
Always back your scoot into the curb-and sit where you can see it.
Work to ride-Ride to work.
Whatever it is, its better in the wind.
Two lane blacktop isn't a highway-its an attitude.
When you look down the road, it seems to never end-but you better believe it does.
A biker can smell a party 5,000 miles away.
Winter is Natures way of telling you to polish.
A motorcycle can't sing on the streets of a city.
Keep your bike in good repair
Motorcycle boots are NOT comfortable for walking.
People are like Motorcycles: each is customized a bit differently.
More races were won in the tavern than on the track.
Never loan your bike to someone else, and never ride another's.
If the bike ain't braking properly, you don't start by rebuilding the engine.
Motorcycling is a giant game of Mines Bigger than yours!
Remember to pay as much attention to your partner as you do your carburetor.
Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes.
Well-trained reflexes are quicker than luck.
Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50 weight motor oil.
The best alarm clock is sunshine on Chrome.
Learn to do counterintuitive things that may someday save your butt.
The twisties-not the superslabs-separate the bikers from the squids.
Beware the biker whose ink peels off.
New leather don't smell right.
When you're riding lead--don't spit.
If you really want to know what's going on, watch what's happening at least 5 cars ahead.
Don't make a reputation you'll have to live down or run away from later.
If the person in the next lane at the stoplight rolls up the window and locks the door, support their view of life by snarling at them.
Smoke and grease can hide a multitude of errors, but only for so long.
A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2am to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.
If she changes her oil more than she changes her mind--follow her.
The thicker your oil, the hotter you can take it.
Catching a June bug @ 70 mph can double your vocabulary.
If you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can't stop at every tavern.
There's something ugly about a NEW bike on a trailer.
You can always hear a classic open primary-it sounds like $1.34 in change is loose in the friction plates.
Hunger can make even roadkill taste good.
You gotta be smart enough to understand the rules of motorcycling, and dumb enough to think the games important.
Don't lead the pack if you don't know where you're going.
If you leave without one of your group, you better hope he doesn't catch up at the next stop.
Sleep with one arm through the spokes and keep your pants on.
Practice wrenching on your own bike.
Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't.
Three things can't be trusted: a fart, a cook, and a rear view mirror.
Beware the biker who says the bike never breaks down.
Some bikes run on 99-octane ego.
Owning 2 bikes is useful because at least one can be raided for parts at any given time.
You'll know she loves you if she offers to let you ride her bike. Don't do it and she'll love you even more.
Don't argue with an 18-wheeler.
Don't lean on the horn 'til you're out of danger. Then blast it for all you're worth.
Never be ashamed to unlearn an old habit.
Maintenance is as much art as it is science.
A good long ride can clear your mind, restore your faith, and use up a lot of gasoline.
If the countryside seems boring, stop, get off your bike, and go sit in the ditch long enough to appreciate what was here before the asphalt came.
If you can't get it going with bungee cords and electricians tape-it's serious.
If you ride like there's no tomorrow-there won't be.
Bikes parked out front mean good chicken-fried steak inside.
If you want to complain about the pace being set by the road captain, you better be prepared to lead the group yourself.
Gray-haired bikers don't get that way from pure luck.
There are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. there are NO old, drunk bikers.
We don't need no steenkin' weekend warriors.
Thin leather looks good in the bar, but it won't save you from "road rash" if you go down.
The best modifications cannot be seen from the outside.
Always replace the cheapest parts first.
You can forget what you do for a living when your knees are in the breeze.
No matter what make you ride, it's all the same wind.
It takes both pistons and cylinders to make a bike run. One is not more important than the other.
Snake
Reported as being originally posted on the Road Star Rider Forum by Dave the Snake Picard
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