Title: Cycles

Author: Devra

Feedback: paravati@optonline.net 

Rating: PG13 - language

Pairing: J/D-established relationship

Category: Slash/ H/C/ Angst

Date: November 6, 2002

Status: complete

Season/Spoilers: slight reference to Menace

Archive: AlphaGate, Area 52...just ask...I share well.

Synopsis: Sometimes life cycles bring you right back to where you began

Notes: Thank you as usual to my beta Majel...remember...I will always turn the switch in the coffee pot on for you. And for Jo for those 6:30 am and 6:30 pm emails...glad someone is in my time zone!

Friends and Lovers: Jack's POV

I lean over the banister, ready to call Daniel to bed…it's late and we have an early morning briefing…in a few hours, actually. Daniel is sitting at the dining room table, bathed only in the light from his laptop monitor. He takes a sip of coffee from the ever-present mug to his right, stretches back in the chair and sighs.

I pause, contemplating this man. Who would have thought Daniel would hold such a place in my heart, in my life? That I would let down my defenses enough for him to enter first as a friend and then as my lover, saving my life in more ways than one. From myself, from Ra. On Abydos, on Earth, on countless planets across the universe.

Plaid shirts, baggy pants, bookworm, serious, inquisitive, know-it-all, genius, linguist, guilt-driven, caffeine addict, wimp, geek…Daniel. Some things have stayed over the years…some things have been added. Some things changed.

From my vantage point, I see his black tee shirt stretch over the broad expanse of his back…no longer a wimp, this Daniel, my lover, my friend. He is becoming as adept with a weapon as he is with his archeological tools. Does he like that idea? No. Do I like that idea? No… but we both know the necessity of it if he is to remain on SG1. He has acquiesced to that order, when I had explained the weapon could be used at one point to save his teammates lives, my life. I used the guilt factor to make that point. There are times, though, when I see Daniel with his gun drawn, that I feel I've lost a bit of what makes Daniel…well, Daniel.

He's still a bookworm, preferring the written word to a movie or hockey game. We've compromised…he sits on the couch and reads while I watch television. Sometimes, he reads to me at night…in bed…after sex. Showing me a part of him that he doesn't share with anyone else.

The geek…well, until Daniel gives up his penchant for baggy clothes or the plaid shirts he loves, or always working…that nomenclature will be all his. The serious nature of Daniel is a part of him we're working on. He has had too much hardship and heartache in his life for him not to be serious, but he doesn't laugh nearly as much as he should…doesn't smile as much as he should. Daniel has told me he's afraid to be happy…afraid to show the powers that be his happiness for fear of losing it all over again.

His genius goes without saying. Thinking circles around almost everyone, to some extent even Carter. The ability to see beyond…to think outside this box…to push the military minds, my mind, to the limits… that's Daniel's true genius. Let's not forget his linguistic capabilities. His ability to communicate, his ability to talk dirty to me in 26 languages before, during, and after sex... well, honestly, that is a little turn on I never would have thought of…one of Daniel's traits that is certainly a keeper.

Daniel gets up to fill his coffee mug and my breath catches in my throat as I feel myself grow hard just looking at him. Plaid baggy, flannel pajamas riding low on his hips…thinking I have to change my ideas about Daniel in baggy, plaid outfits.

"Daniel."

"Jack." He turns towards me and smiles, lifting his coffee mug in salute.

My eyes rake over his body, he gets the idea. Even in the muted light, I'm sure he blushes, but he licks his lips in invitation. Daniel places the mug on the table, powers down the laptop...taking his time...driving me crazy. The flannels threatening to ride lower down those slim hips with every step.

"Daniel?" I squeak. I clear my throat in an attempt to bring substance back into my voice. "Bed…now."

He approaches me, kissing me chastely on the lips, tasting of coffee, smelling like Daniel. I grab him, wanting more…he pushes me away, saying something to me in a language not of earth. Motioning with a tilt of his head towards the bedroom. Daniel precedes me …and I follow my friend and lover to bed… through life.

Friends and Lovers: Daniel's POV

I can sense him watching me. The numbers on the computer monitor show the lateness of the hour. I need to sleep… we have an early morning briefing in a few hours. Jack needs to sleep. The room is dark, save for the light of the monitor. I take a sip of the coffee, grimacing at the cold bitter taste of something that has been put aside because of my work, my obligations to the SGC.

Jack believes his Special Ops training prevents detection. I may not hear Jack, but I always sense when he is near me. Who would have thought that Jack would hold such a place in my heart, in my life? That in time, I'd have learned to lower my defenses, and let him touch a part of me first as friend, then cautiously and with trepidation on my part, as a lover?

I trust him with my life… all of me. On another planet, on Earth, in our bed. All the personality traits that make him who he is… loyal, sarcastic, witty, short tempered, patient… these are what he presents to the world. In our life, he has become more than just words.

This military man…this man of values that at times I have problems comprehending. He is this soldier, warrior, the Colonel who only shows his face when cornered, when his team is threatened, when I am threatened. Because of that, I have learned to fight, defend myself, carry a weapon, so it will be one less worry for him out in the field.

To the outsider, our friendship is an enigma. To me, it is the whole basis of our relationship. On Abydos, I observed Jack with Skaara, defending all those people, disobeying orders and letting me stay with Sha're. A year later, he started by opening his home to me, guiding me in the ways of the military, making sure I eat, sleep, that's my friend.

Holding me during addiction withdrawal, writing my eulogy, letting me cover his six, trusting me…that is my friend.

Jack showed up at my apartment after Shifu departed with Oma…forcing me to face the feeling that I again had failed Sha're. My lover made me realize my sense of failure was becoming my prison. He held me after I stood on my balcony, ready to end my life, crying as he held me…that's my lover. Letting me see a side of him that few, if any, will ever see. With Jack and I, we cannot be one without the other. The lines between friends and lovers have blurred over time…a comfortable feeling.

We fight and argue, we are intrinsically two very distinct people. Our approach to life issues are very different, but he respects me, and I him. Jack is not dumb, but I have learned from this act, that people will reveal information to those they believe ignorant.

Being with Jack has shown me a contentment that shakes me to my core. My track record for happiness, or that of those close to me, is not in anyone's favor. Especially not in the favor of those involved with me.

The man who shares a beer with me while observing the constellations is my friend. The man who makes pancakes and waffles for breakfast with a side of my favorite coffee is also my friend. The man with the callused hands that soothe me in bed after a nightmare shares the distinction of being both friend and lover. Those hands seem to lose their roughness as they touch me in places that make my soul sing and my body quiver…my lover does that to me.

I stand to refill my coffee, moving my shoulders to work out the kinks. I hear Jack call out my name.

"Jack." I lift my mug and smile at him, letting him think I couldn't feel him, his presence, his eyes on my back as I sat working.

Jack gazes down the length of my body, and I blush as I feel the familiar warmth spread to my groin. The fact that his mere glance can make my body respond is evidence of the depth of my feeling towards him. I slowly lick my lips and clean up…trying to again regain control over my body.

Jack calls me again, and by the catch in his voice, I now know this desire is mutual and there will be little sleep, if any tonight. I approach him, kissing him softly, but he wants more. I whisper to him of a recently acquired language from a new earth ally. Loosely translated, it means "may the darkness of night fade in the light of our love."

I motion towards the upstairs, the bedroom, leading the way. And I need Jack to follow me, my friend… my lover.

On to Cycles 2: Strangers