The next time Nick woke up it was dark in the room. The fuzziness from before lingered there, but the thing he had down his throat was removed and instead it was replaced with a strong aching feeling in his abdomen. He didn’t know what was worse, feeling like you had a gigantic zucchini stuck down your throat or the red hot piercing feeling in his stomach that made him want to choke from pain.
Moaning, he wrapped his arms around his stomach, crawling into a ball like a small fetus, intending to block the pain out. It hurt to move and he felt like crying. There was a stinging sensation in his gut and it stretched when he moved. Miserable, Nick let out a groan, hoping that someone, anyone, would be out there comforting him. Noticing that there was no response he opened his eyes just to discover that he was all alone in the room. And it scared him.
There was a vague memory of someone being by his side. An angel sitting next to him. Confused he didn’t know if it was a dream or not. If his mind had played a trick on him. The angel, that’s what he called her, had spoken to him and for a moment he’d thought that she was real. But that could have been from the heavy medication he knew was running in his blood stream too and he didn’t dare to trust his own thoughts. Whoever she was he needed her now. Needed her comfort since he was in too much pain to be alone.
"He...Hello?" he croaked out weakly as he scanned the room. ‘Please,’ he prayed deep in side. ‘Please let someone be out there for me. Please don’t leave me alone.’ Nick had never liked being left alone although he was more used to taking care of himself then any fifteen year old usually had to do. The boys used to laugh at him, saying that he was in hopeless need of someone to look after him and they used to joke about his aching need for comfort. A feeling of loneliness overcame him suddenly and he had to fight off the tears that were threatening to spill over. He missed his Mom so bad that it hurt.
He felt so lost.
Just when he thought he couldn’t feel more miserable his stomach lurched violently and he had to fight his gagging reflex. Being sick was one of the worst feelings in the world and being sick on his own had to be on the verge of utter misery. To add to his discomfort a fierce headache, probably due to the anaesthesia, lurked in the back of his head, making it unbearable to lay still. Yet he had no other options since every move hurt like he’d been stabbed several times in his gut and he was starting to feel more and more queasy by the second. Gazing around the room again he thought about getting up and walking to the door but the mere thought of having to move his legs had him moaning.
He felt that bad.
Feeling like he was the only one alone in the world the tears started to roll down his cheeks. The fuzziness was still there and it felt like he was walking on clouds. This was the same way he felt when he had a very high fever and he knew the feeling all too well. Desperate to get someone to catch his attention he croaked out again, “Mom!” Still no response. Biting his lip he did his best to sit up in the bed but a ripping feeling made him want to lie down again. This really sucked.
"Hel..someone..Help" he called out as one last try to get help. No response. Realising that he was once again left to tend to himself he closed his eyes. This wasn’t the first time he’d been cooped up in bed, all alone, but the difference was that then it was at some shabby old hotel room while the guys were out there practicing. Nick had no idea how long he’d been lying there, crying, since he had no strength to figure out what the clock said. It could have been minutes or hours, he didn't know and he didn't care. But when he came to his senses again he heard someone by his side.
Turning on his head he saw a silhouette of a woman sitting next to him.
"Mom?"
Nick hoped it was his mother that had come to tend to him. He didn't have time to finish the thought before he remembered. His parents were in Europe touring with Aaron and there was not a chance that they would have come this far of a distance just for a small surgery. At least he didn’t think so. Realising this he let out a shaky sigh.
"No, your mother isn’t here," the female said feeling his forehead with a light touch. It felt so good since her hands were cold against his warm forehead and as he did his best to try to recognize the woman next to him he couldn’t shake his previous thoughts that there had been an angel sitting next to him earlier on.
“How are you feeling Nickolas?” the voice asked and looking up he was met with a pair of warm blue eyes.
“Si..sick,” he murmured, barely a whisper. This was the truth since his stomach still felt like someone had poked him with a pole and his throat was so dry that he had a hard time swallowing. On top of this discomfort there was a burning sensation in the back of his throat. Bile hiding down in his esophagus was threatening to make an attack at any second. He moaned again as if to emphasize the feeling.
“Oh..You do?” The nurse said and he could hear in her voice that she was feeling sorry for him. Picking up a cold washcloth she wiped the dry tears off his face and he felt a bit embarrassed that she had to see how vulnerable he was. The nurse however acted like she hadn’t seen the tears as she asked, “Does that make you feel any better?”
Nick nodded briefly. It was a lie and instead there were tell tale signs that a fever was running through his body, leaving him drained and dizzy. The nausea, lurking inside his stomach made him feel sick and weak and he swallowed repeatedly. Closing his eyes again he did his best to fend of the nasty feeling.
"Do you feel like you’re going to be sick?" the nurse asked a bit muffled. Nick nodded, not daring to open his eyes. There was a sound of someone moving away and soon there was something under his chin. Opening his eyes he noticed that it was a curved steel bowl. "Here you go," she smiled while telling him that he would feel better as soon as he got all the anaesthesia out of his system.
He hoped she was right since he felt too miserable to deal with all of this. At that very moment his stomach decided that it had enough making him gag several times. Quickly the nurse turned him to his side and aiding him she rubbed his back. He swallowed hard, not wanting to let go. This was way too disgusting and tears dwelled up in his eyes.
"Relax honey," the woman said softly while rubbing his back in small circles, "don’t fight it, and just let it out."
Moaning he did his best to hold on, but it was so difficult and soon he started to heave violently, tears running down his face. Both from pain and fear. He hated to throw up. Hated being sick, feeling so small and helpless. Hated not being in control of his situation.
Oh how he wanted his Mom. He needed her to come and be by his side. Needed her hugs and comforting words.
Spitting the foul taste into the curved bowl she asked him if he was done. He nodded like in slow-motion, not having the slightest strength to even look up. Without saying anything the nurse took away the bowl and then wiped his face clean with the washcloth.
"I know that you feel bad," she said with compassion, "it’s very common to get sick from the anaesthesia, especially when your appendix has ruptured, causing an infection. In your case it has also turned to petronis," the nurse explained clinically. Noticing her patient frowning she added quickly, "But you will feel better in no time. That I’ll promise you.” Nick nodded. That was all he could do. Nod and cry.
He shivered as the nurse helped him lay back down again and then covered him up with a blanket. Chills wracked his body while fever was constantly haunting him. He felt cold and miserable. "Where were you?" he asked, suddenly having a vague remembrance of waking up alone in the room.
"Where I was?" the nurse raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I’ve been here all the time."
"No, you were not!" Nick said stubbornly, shaking his head. Instantly he regretted his move and moaned miserably. Oh God when was all this going to end? The slightest move sent his brain into a tailspin and he thought he would throw up again. "I was a..alone," he shuddered, tears gleaming in his eyes.
Shaking her head the nurse smiled back at him. “It had to be a dream since you haven’t been left alone since you came back from surgery.”
Nick felt confused. Had he been dreaming? Dreaming that he was all alone in the room and in that case was the angel a dream too? He didn’t know for sure since his brain was playing constant tricks with him and it was hard telling what was real or not. His thoughts were so blurry and jumbled that he didn't know what to expect anymore. Maybe it was the fever that was making him see things? But one thing he knew and that was that he wanted his Mom and if she couldn’t be there for him he wanted Brian’s mom!
The last thought set his mind into a spin. Where was she? He had a weak memory that she had been there for him when he had fallen on the grass. "Jackie?" he mumbled. The fever made his brain foggy and he wanted some comfort.
"Jackie?..Oh you mean Mrs. Littrell?" the nurse said as her face lit up, "I’m sorry honey but she went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. She’ll be back for you shortly." She smiled briefly at her patient who responded with a blank look.
He wanted Brian’s mother. She was warm and comforting and could provide him with the safety that he needed. He wanted; no he needed her to hug him in the same way as she had done when he had felt so sad after talking to his mother the last time.
“’k.” Running a hand over his pale face he let out a shaky breath. The day had been nothing but one big confusion edged with hot searing pain and nausea. Not something that you wanted for Thanksgiving. Stretching his neck he tried to see the figures on the large wall clock, but the figures were too blurry for him to make out. His head felt like a giant mush and when he moved his head everything seemed to jump.
Seeing his moves the nurse was instantly at his side, "What is it? You feel like you’re going to get sick again?"
“No.” Nick shook his head but he regretted it instantly. Bad move. God, why was he doing everything so wrong today? Closing his eyes he tried to make the room stop spinning, afraid that if he looked up he would fall off the bed. Yet the voice was there, persistently wanting to know how he was doing.
"Are you feeling dizzy?" the nurse pushed on and all he could do was nod.
Nick was feeling so very exhausted that all he wanted to do was to go back to sleep. His throat was too sore and he didn’t think he had the energy to do anything but lay there and moan feeling sorry for himself. The pain in his stomach made it impossible for him to think and he sobbed in misery. He could hear the nurse say something to him that he couldn’t make out, and then he heard the sound of a door closing on him. Letting out a shudder Nick came to the realization.
He was alone again.
Closing his eyes he tried to will himself to sleep. Sleep was good. Sleep would take away the pain and in his disoriented state he hoped, no he wished, that he would wake up feeling well and dandy. With that in his mind Nick Carter drifted off to a restless sleep again.
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Running her hand behind her neck Jackie did her best to work out the knots of tension. She stretched her joints that ached after sitting still too long in the same position. She had been sitting next to the young teen almost all the time since he came up to ICU. All that she had allowed herself to do was a short bathroom break and a trip down to the cafeteria to get a coffee and a sandwich.
When she had come back again, after relieving the nurse she was told that Nick had woke up and asked for her. Upon hearing this her heart ached and she felt even worse when the nurse told her that he’d been sick and she hadn’t been there for him. Nick was one of Brian’s friends that she’d gotten to like very much.. There was something vulnerable about him and in a way he reminded her of a puppy that was lost. A puppy that needed his mother.
A stir coming from the hospital bed broke her thoughts and she turned her attention to her young charge, " Nickolas? Nick?"
Another stir and then a quiet moan. Nick was moving restlessly like he was in severe pain, his arms gripping his stomach and his forehead beaded with dotted sweat. An unhealthy fevered glow was the only colour on his pale complexion and she didn't like the way his face almost looked. Gaunt. A frown etched like a mask as he rolled to his side, crumpling up into a ball.
"Baby," she whispered, stroking his blonde sweat soaked hair in smooth gentle moves. He responded with a groan. "How are you feeling?"
Nick, licking his parched lips murmured, still not opening his eyes, "My..my..sto..stomach..hu..huurts so so ba..baaadddd."
"I know Nickolas," she said softly, smiling towards him as he opened his blue tear-filled eyes, gazing up at her. He didn't return the smile and instead he looked at her with confusion.
“Mrs Littrell?”
“Yes honey,” she smiled at him. “It’s me and you know its Jackie for you.” Patting his hand softly she said, “now try and get some rest.”
Nick blinked. "You..you le..left."
At that moment she felt so much warmth dwelling over her and she stroked his cheek gently. "Nickolas I know...I just had to eat something," she felt bad for letting him down. "But I came right back and then you were asleep."
"Mhmm." He nodded and seconds later he winced in pain again. His stomach was still acting up and she was a bit surprised over the pain that seemed to hold his body in a tight grip. Shouldn’t it be better once he had the surgery? Jackie had no idea if it was because she was stroking his cheek or that she was talking softly to him but soon he seemed to relax considerably. Continuing with her moves, she stroked his hair, singing softly, a small tune. As timed passed on Nick was getting more and quieter and soon the tension that had filled his body, mainly from pain, evened out and he looked like he was drifting off to sleep again.
Just when she thought he had fallen asleep his eyes snapped open. Panic shining in them.
"I..I..thi.." The teen stuttered so silent that it was barely a whisper. Leaning over him she tried to hear what he was saying. Her motherly instinct kicking into full gear. Suddenly there was gagging sounds coming from his lips and without thinking she grabbed the steel basin, handing it to him just in time to see that he made good use of it. Nick was heaving painfully bringing up the little that he had left in his stomach and soon he spat both bile and something watery into the bowl and by his fierce faces it tasted rather bad. This had Jackie wincing yet she stayed by his side in the same way she’d done for her sons so many times in the past.
In between his heaving Nick cried and sobbed." I’mmm..so. so...sorry."
“It’s not your fault baby. You’re sick.” Jackie whispered while she continued stroking his back in small even circles. He felt warm to the touch, much warmer than he did minutes ago and it made her a bit concerned. She could feel him shivering and he leaned heavily against her like he was seeking warmth and safety.
The vomiting was violent and every time she thought that it was over he was wracked with another attack. “Oh God please make it stop,” he cried while he heaved painfully into the curved bowl. His shoulders were shaking from the spasms and even if she did her best to comfort him it didn’t seem to help much.
Nick moaned and whimpered once again while holding his stomach, folding over double, " It hu..hurts," the teen mumbled when another heave came over him. Choking, he spat the yellow green substance into the bowl. His whole frame was shaking constantly and he looked like he was going into shock.
"Hush sweetie, I know, baby, I know." ”she whispered to him as she reached with one hand to push the button for some aid. Her heart ached when she saw how sick the teen was and he was looking more and more out of it and that scared her. He needed injections with nausea medication.
"It hurts..Oh God it hu..huuurts sooo muuuchhh," he wailed, rocking restlessly, holding his stomach. He acted like he didn’t know her presence and at that very moment he appeared so very young. Much younger than his fifteen years he had on his neck. And her heart ached Jackie felt concerned. Having your appendix removed could be a painful procedure but this was a bit too much. Her Brian had been quite sick when he had been in for that ordeal still that was nothing compared to how sick the young teen was that she held in her arms. A nagging feeling in the back of her head set her mothers instinct into work. The child was in too much pain to be ignored.
A harsh dry heaving sound broke through the air and she winced as it appeared that Nick was in the process of coughing up a lung or his innards. Then a loud gasp was heard and the teen started to shake like he was wracked with violent chills. "Nick?"
The teen made no respond, just coughed and gagged even more while he shook like a leaf. Peering down into the bowl she was met with a big surprise. Once surprise that she could do without. The bowl was coated with a red substance. Blood. Fresh Blood!!
