"Is that ALL youīre going to eat?" Kevin asked, pointing with a fork towards Nickīs almost clean plate. "Dude, didnīt you hear what Lou said? We have a busy schedule."
"Like I donīt know that," Nick muttered, nibbling on the dry toast. His stomach was doing sommersaults and he dreaded going to meet Lou. Knowing his own luck Lou would probably force him to take MOM again and this was NOT something that he intended to do. Never again. He would rather starve himself!
"What did you say?" Now Brian was joining the conversation too, expecting Nick to say something more.
Groaning, the teen mumbled, "Nothing." Ok, here we go, Nick thought darkly. He could hear on their voices that he was in for another round of getting questioned about his health.
Frowning Howie turned towards him, "Whatīs the matter with you? You seem so off" There was genuine concern in his deep brown eyes.
Nick suddenly feeling trapped having all eyes look at him, yelled, "Donīt you ever listen? I said that it was nothing and that I was fine. Now leave me alone." Sneering, he pushed the plate away, dramaticaly. "Youīre not my fucking mothers!"
"Watch your language," Kevin hissed.
"Chill out," there was a hurt tone in Howie's voice. "Man I was just asking if you were ok."
Finally having enough and needing to get out of the room, Nick stood up abruptly, pushing his chair back. "Youīre all trying to control me," he yelled, napkin falling to the ground. "Controlling me like everyone else!" The teen was causing a riot in the breakfast room and the chatter that had been so evident was suddenly silenced, the guests turning their attention to the table in the right corner, and especially on a certain blond. Glancing around in the room Nick shouted, "Fuck all of you!" He stormed out from the room leaving the boys staring after him in confusion.
"NICK get the he.." Kevin called out, about to chew the teen out, but he stopped in midsentence when Howie grabbed his arm, shaking his head, "Donīt."
Brian was on the verge of running after Nick too when Howie interrupted the both hot tempered cousins, "No, Let him be."
Sighing, the cousins nodded. They were both very concerned but Howie was right, there were no point running after Nick when he was in a mood like this. He would only tell them off.
Outside in the corrdior AJ walked out of the elevator, a bit late since he was sleeping in due to a gigantic headache, in other words a mother of an hungover. Rubbing his temples he cursed management for not scheduling any free time. It was way too early for him and he sincerely doubted that he would be able to eat anything. Yet Lou had called him on his phone saying that he better get his ass down at breakfast. Pronto. When he tried to say that he wasnīt feeling well all he got back was a snort. Mr. Pearlman was not that easily fooled.
Not paying attention to where he was walking, he suddenly bumped into someone. Irritated that this person interrupted him in his thoughts he muttered, "Watch where the hell where youīre going." AJ`s morning temper left little to be desired.
"Oh Iīm sorry," a familiar voice said and he looked into the eyes of his "little" brother.
"Nick? What the hell are you doing here?"
"What does it look like?" Nick snapped, suddenly changing his tone drastically.
AJ never having far from some sneered comments said, "Ouch touchy much?" He added with a large grin, "Whatīs the hurry? Did you fart and crap your pants?" Giggling like a school boy at his own joke.
"Man youīre sick." Nick rolled his eyes, attempting to push past the skinny man, but looks were decieving him. AJ used to work out and was much stronger than his fragile appearance let on.
"Whoaaa, hold there man," he caught the blond by his arm. "Whereīs the fire? In your ass?" He chuckled even more. No doubt refering to the teen's previous predictment.
Glaring at him, not wanting to answer, Nick muttered, "Let me go!"
"NO!" Suddenly AJ said with another tone, a more serious one, "Dude are you ok?"
"Yeah, why shouldnīt I be?" the teen was doing his best to swallow down the tears that were threatning to errupt. "Now let me go."
"Uh-huh," AJ shook his head. "First you gonna tell me where youīre heading and why you look like youīre about to start bawling."
"Iīm not!"
"Yes you are," AJ snickered. Taking a good look at Nick who was fighting to get away from his friend's firm grip. Even if AJ was a small guy he still was pretty strong and when it came to wrestling there wasn't many guys that could beat him. "Man, whatīs the problem?"
"I said leave me alone." Nick spat out the words, jerking with his arm to get away from AJīs grip. "Get the hell away from me." The tears burned in the corner of his eyes and he had to get away before he would embarrass himself even more than he was doing. Some guests had stopped, taking in the arguing that was in front of them.
Sensing the seriousness in the young man's tone AJ let go of his grip, almost sending Nick down on his butt from the force of letting go. The teen gained back his balance and then ran into the available car, pushing the button to his level in a hurry.
"Man, whatīs eating your ass?" AJ muttered as he saw the door close and the elevator take off. Shaking his head as much as he dared too without the headache threatning to split his skull in half he decided to join the others in the restaurant. When entering the big room he spotted Brian, Howie and Kevin engrossed in a lively discussion. Walking up to them he heard Nick's name being mentioned and it was clear that the blond's strange behavoir was the center of attention.
"Iīm telling you there is something seriously wrong," Brian said with despiration in his voice, "Nick is having some issues."
AJ hesitated momentarily before interrupting their conversation, "Hey what is the problem with Kaos? Heīs acting like an ass." He grinned trying to smooth over the situation when he saw Brian's serious face glaring up at him, "I mean he is being more a pain in the butt than ever. Itīs almost like he has PMS!"
"Stop that," Brian muttered, twisting the napkin in his hand. He was in no mood for one of AJīs snide remarks.
"Jeeze, lighten up broī," AJ patted the Kentuckian lightly on his back. Brian shrugged away like he had been burned. Noticing this, AJ added with a frown, "Man you sure are tight." He turned towards Kevin who looked just as upset as his cousin, but he was doing his best to hide it. "Dude what is the matter with you two?" Stopping for a second to think he added, "Does this have something to do with Kaos running out of the room, looking like he was about to bawl his eyes out?"
"As a matter of fact..Yes." Howie said with a sigh, mentioning with his hand towards the empty chair beside him, "Sit down we gotta talk."
"Talk about what?" AJ looked skeptical, but did as the Latino directed. He knew when Howie was set to talk there was generally something serious since the dark haired man did his best to negotiate as long as possible. Stalling situations.
"About Nick, weīre really concerned about him..."
'Man my life really sucks,' Nick pondered sitting on the side of his bed, holding a small bottle of pills in his hand. Every so often he glared at the contents and shook the bottle so the small white pills rolled around making a jiggling sound. His mind debated over and over again if he should go ahead and take one or if he should stop. A part of him thought that it would be a great idea, then another part told him that he was being a dumbfuck!
"At least it canīt hurt," he told himself, reading the the label. Diplex! 'It donīt sound harmful at all,' Nick concluded as he popped off the lid. Lou had given him these small pills telling him that he could try this one. At first Nick had been very skeptical. After all, the manager had forced him to take that magnesia milk crap resulting in days of living hell. But then Lou had offered him this bottle and recluctantly he had taken it.
Nick had been prepared to have been chewed out by Lou for his binge eating. He figured he would be in for a long lecture but to his surprise Lou hadnīt yelled at him and he was certain that the manager knew that the food cart had been emptied because the bill was laying on the man's dresser when he last checked in with the manager.
Was Lou finally regretting the way he had acted towards him?
He could only hope.
'I better take these babies,' he thought staring at the small white pills in the palm of his hand. 'My life canīt suck anymore than it does right now anyway.' Mentally he debated whether or not he should take them dry or if he should wash it down with some water or something. The previous night when he had felt like crap he had opened a bottle of gatorade and now it was sitting on the counter, half full.
Picking it up he took a small swig. It was stale and he almost gagged at the piss-warm taste. The bottle directed to take one pill twice daily and Nick was doing his usual business of always making up his own rules, thought that when he finally was going to take this stuff he might as well give it more increased effect. As he started to pluck the meds from his hand, a loud shrill was heard from the telephone, interrupting his actions.
Who would call him this time of hour? As far as he knew the guys were still down in the restaurant and he didnīt think that they cared if he was sitting alone in his hotel room, rotting away. Beside he would soon meet them in Lou's room. Surprised he picked up the phone, almost expecting to hear either Lou's or Johnny's voice chewing his ass out. Or it could be some derranged fan that just wanted to hear his voice and then tell her friends that she had spoken to the "real" Nick Carter!
Who else would call him and ask what he was up to?
"Yeah!" he muttered into the lure, not giving away his true name incase it was a fan that was calling.
"Nick?" A female voice asked on the other side of the line. A voice that he knew very well and upon hearing this voice Nick felt his body go all warm and tingling.
"Manda?" he called out, happiness and warmth radiating throughout his whole body. For a moment he thought that he had never been this happy to hear his girl friend before. It was like she was a gift from heaven, an angel, that was sent to cheer him up now when he was feeling low and useless. "Oh Manda," he continued, smiling widely to himself, "You have NO idea how much Iīve missed you." He was sincere in his feelings and he wanted nothing more than to hug her, feel her body close to him.
There was a brief moment of silence.
"Manda?" he said a bit louder, suddenly not feeling so secure anymore. He could hear her breathe in on the other side and then it came. Errupting like an volcano!
"How the hell could you do this to me!" She was yelling so loud, screaming obsentites like an obsessed lunatic, that Nick had to hold the phone away from his ear or he was scared that his eardrum would burst from the pressure.
"But..but.." Nick started a bit confused, immediatly getting cut off by his girlfriend who told him what a loser he was. He had no idea what he had done this time and he fidgeted uncomfortably.
"I thought that we had something going on," Manda yelled, "But now you blew it by screwing around with that bitch!"
Screwing around? Nick was slowly taking in the words from the other line. Manda was thinking that he had been cheating on her. And that he had NOT done. No way! Relieved that it was nothing worse he made his mind up to talk to her and tell her that it was just a mistake.
"Mandy Poh," he started, getting abruptly interrupted by a sour, "What?" Immediately she made him feel unsure of himself and to his dismay he started to stutter. As he always did when he was nervous.
"Ma..manda..li..listen.to.to.m..mm..meee." He managed to get out before she fell a deathly comment to him.
"Oh stop that stuttering you sound like damn retard!"
The words were spat out like venom and Nick felt it hit him like an arrow in his chest. Yet he tried to steady himself for her attack and instead said with a soft voice, "Li..listen..ho..honey..I..I.." On the other line he heard her snort and he could just picture her contempt as she listened to his pleading attempts to make her listen to him.
"I di..did..no..not," Fuck he wanted to cry. He couldnīt do this! Manda was right he sounded like a fucking idiot and he hated himself for stuttering like this. Shit she would think he was the biggest loser and no matter what he said she would think that he was a fat dumb nerd!
"I donīt care what you say Nick Carter! Itīs all over the net how you screwed some blonde bimbo with fake boobs!" Her voice was cold and in that instant he realized that no matter what he said she wouldn't listen to him. He was completly making a fool of himself.
"Bu..but itīs..w..wrong..I..I did..no..not da..date a blo..blonde." Nick managed to get out but to no use. He heard a loud snort in the background.
"And that you want me to believe Nick? Youīre a ladies man and that we all know so stop that pitiful excuse of yours."
Nick was getting desperate. He had to get her to listen to him and he wasnīt doing a very good job at it. He had never been cheating on her, never crossed his mind although he was often surrounded by beauties. But he didnīt care about them. He only cared about Manda and now she was doubting him. Thinking that he was a player. For a moment he felt despair wash over him like a wave. There were no way that he could win this battle. Not when Manda was in this mood.
"If youīre going to screw around and care about the fans more than you do about me, we might as well end this realtionship here and now." Manda said coldly and Nick felt like he would burst. How could she be so evil when she knew that he was worshiping the ground that she walked on?
"NOOO...Manda listen!" He yelled as loud as he could, closing his eyes as to stir off the emotions that were raging inside him. He felt so totally devistated that he didnīt know what to do. If she left him he would feel crushed. Heart broken. The only light in his life would be gone!
"Well you better think over your options since I can tell you that there are guys lined up to date me and you, Nick Carter, will regret that you didnīt treat me better." He could hear that she was threatening to hang up on him and despiration snuck up on him.
"No Manda, donīt, listen.." He was talking fast in case that she would hung up on him before he had a chance to say what he had on his mind, "I would never sleep with another girl. I love you Manda and I want to be with you. Only you." Drawing back his breath he waited to see if she was listening to him and he quickly noticed that she was. Not wasting any time he continued, "Youīre the only one that I care for and I want to be with you and.."
He must have said something wrong because she interrupted him suddenly, "That you should have thought about before fucking that fan!" With that she sneered coldly into his ear, "Iīm hanging up now."
"Noooo!!" Nick felt like he would burst and he despirately wanted to stop her from taking actions. Afraid that if she hung up now she would hung up on him forever.
"Bye!" And with that she was gone.
Fuck Fuck Fuck
His whole life was blowing up, piece by piece. Now Manda was leaving him and he felt even more disgusted and small than before. Life was being a bitch to him and he would have done anything to trade his celebrity life to a life of a normal high school student.
"I hate this!" He yelled right out into the air, as he put the phone on the bedstand. Looking down he noticed the small white pills laying there, calling his name. For a moment he thought about taking the whole bottle. Ending his miserable life once and for all, but then he decided against it. With his bad luck he probably would just end up being sick and then people would laugh at the young teen who tried to commit suicide on diet pills. Laughing at himself like a mad man, he shook his head over his own stupid thoughts.
Before knowing what hit him he threw three of the white pills into his mouth, dry swallowing them. If he was lucky they would also deafen the pain that was ripping his whole body apart. Making him feel whole again.
