This couldnīt be happening!
It had to be another evil nightmare. It was bad that he had come back from the chemo and was starting to feel the effects, despite that Dr. Andersen had raised the level on his anti nausea medication. He also mentally slapped himself for not telling the doctor about the stomach ache that came and went. All this as well as having the whole yard swirling with reporters and his mom on the phone was starting to get a bit too much.
Staring at the phone Leighanne was holding, it all felt surreal. There couldnīt be a worse moment for his mom to call him. In fact there was never the right moment. Talking with his mother often left him down and sullen. Much due to that they ended up in disagreement over one thing or another. Nick dreaded thinking what his mother wanted this time.
Taking the phone with shaky hands he tried to get his bearings. The situation in hand was making him dizzy, and his legs had trouble holding him. The chemo session left him drained, totally out of energy and this was what was happening to him at the worst possible time. He scanned around in the room, looking for something to sit down on. As if on cue, Brian provided a chair for him. Sitting down heavily, Nick cleared his voice.
"Nick," he said as normally as he could, waiting for his mother to start yelling at him for not calling her for several weeks.
"Nick, honey is that you?" His mother's voice sounded soft, strangely different than what he was used to.
"Yes?"
"Baby, are you alright?" Suspicion flared up in him when he heard his mother being so concerned. Not that his mother didnīt show feelings, no, it was more that she was often all business and the only times when she was that really concerned and soft voiced was whenever someone else was present.
"Um..yes..why?" Nick coughed, trying to get his bearings.
"Honey, It's all over the news that you're sick." She paused, searching for the right words. "Really sick, Nick. Tell me that it's just another of those rumors. That it isnīt true at all." For a brief moment he thought he heard fright in her voice.
The words hit him like a sledgehammer. How had she found out? The emotions dwelled up within him. Part of him wanted to scream,"Yes mom, yes itīs true." The other part wanted to deny it. It would feel so good if he could stop this charade.
He longed to feel his mother's arms around him, whispering that everything would be all right, stroking his hair, like she used to do when he was younger and before he got so famous. When he was just a lonely boy that needed support, needing someone by his side. His mother had been there for him, comforted him when things were rough and he was tired of it all. But that was years ago.
These days it was all clouded with business.
"Mom, I..I.." he wanted to say the words, wanted her to be there. He was so tired of batteling this fight alone and it would feel so good to give it up. Surrender to his own weakness. He wanted to be the small boy again, surrounded by his mother's love.
As he was going to tell her, not wanting it to be a secret for his family any longer, she broke the silence with words that hit him harder than anything before.
"Baby," she said with false cheerfulness, "there's a reporter here that wants to talk to you and.." Nick didnīt have to hear anymore.
"A reporter?" he snapped.
"Yes honey, he just wants to ask you a few questions and.." His mothers voice drowned off as Nick interupted her.
"You did what?" Nick breathed through his nose, "YOU CALLED A FUCKING REPORTER?"
"Oh baby," his mother's voice sang, "I just thought it would be good clear off all those nasty rumors going around and.."
Nick interrupted her. He was on the verge of saying, "Well mommy dearest those rumors are TRUE!" Yet he stopped himself and instead screamed, "ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?"
Brian and Leighanne looked startled over their friend's sudden outburst. Brian laid a hand on the young man's shoulder, hoping to calm him down. Nick swatted it away. Agitated.
"Nick honey..I..i..just..wan.." His mother started, but stopped as she too felt that this was wrong.
Trying to steady his voice, he said as calmly as he could, "Well tell that reporter that I have nothing to say besides..." he was drawing his breath in before yelling as loud as he could into the phone, "FUCK YOU!" With that, he threw the phone into the wall, shattering it into thousands of pieces. Standing up, a sudden headrush sneaked up on him, almost sending him back down again.
Brian, concerned over his friend held out an arm, but Nick swatted it away abruptly. "I can manage," he said through gritted teeth as he quickly left the room.
He had to get out of there or he couldnīt answer for the consequences. Anger but more likely a sadness, a desperation, unlike anything he had felt before, was eating him from the inside. Tears were welling in his eyes and it felt like he was going to choke. Never before had he felt so betrayed, so vanurable. He couldn't believe his own mother, his flesh and blood had done something so awful to him that he couldnīt even find words.
As he ran down the hallway he heard Howies gentle voice call out for him. He didnīt stop! He felt sheer bliss as he threw himself on the bed, face down. Emotions swirled up in him and slowly, tears started to fall down his cheek, just to pick up pace and then he started to cry for real. It was like the past days or more likely the past weeks events were crawling over him, like claws digging deep holes into his soul. Scratchmarks.
As he was dwelling in his own pity, face buried in a pillow, he suddenly started to laugh. It was all so fucking hilarious he thought. Here he was, Nick Carter, the stud that had more girls than there were days in a year begging to be with him, laying in a room, crying his ass off over his mom that didnīt care squat about him. The yard full of reporters, dying from cancer.
'God, your pathetic!' Nick mumbled as he sat up, 'You can't even manage to get a life during your last months.'
He laughed wildly again as he said to himself, "Now you done it Carter, now you finally went over the edge!"
"Guys!" Howie came running down the stairs, "I think that Nick's finally lost it. I heard him laughing and..," he stopped as he saw Brian picking up the pieces from Nick's cellphone. "What happend?" He asked in surprise.
With a sigh the young man deposited the pieces into a nearby trashcan. "Nick got a call from his mother."
"That bad?" Howie went silent as Leighanne filled in, "Yes, he got really upset."
"Apparently Jane had some reporter there and Nick had a fit." Brian rubbed his temples. He had been experiencing stress headaches on and off ever since Nick had told him the dreaded news. Now it was escalating again.
"Oh NO!" Howie burst out, covering his mouth with one hand, "No wonder that he was so upset." He said it more to himself then to Brian and Leighanne. "I better go and talk to him,"
"Talk to who?" Kevin had enetered the room and sat down, drawing a tired gesture over his face. "Those journalists wonīt leave us alone. I have to call security." He picked up his phone and dialed a speed dial connection. Satisfield with what he had accomplished he said, "That'll do. Now those reporters will be taught not to be so nosey."
"Well if Bone had kept his mouth shut we wouldnīt have been in this mess," Brian stated as he furiously rubbed his temples. Turning to Leigh he said, "We have any tylenol? My migraine is flaring up again."
"Yes hon, Iīll go and look." With that she went away.
"That isn't fair," Howie was, as always, defending his bestfriend AJ. "You all know that this hit him pretty rough and he has a hard time coping with situations like this."
"But he didnīt have to go off drinking." Brian had no understanding for AJīs behavoir, instead he was very upset that the tatooed man had spilled his beans.
"Enough," the oldest member barked, "It wonīt do Bone or Nick good if we argue like this. They need our support and not us fightin'."
"Here you go," Leighanne interrupted the pressed silence as she handed her husband two white pills and a glass of water. Gratefully, Brian looked up as he hugged his wife's stomach, "Thanks honey."
This gesture was something that the rest of the guys picked up on.
"Okay," Kevin started, "When are you due?" He sounded tired as he tried to catch the Littrell couples attention. "and why havenīt you said anything earlier?" There was a bit of hurt in his voice.
"Say what? What do you mean?" Brian was acting like he didnīt know what they were talking about.
"Come on Bri," Kevin said, "donīt think that I havenīt noticed. I was just wondering when you were going to spill the news." He gave a smile.
"Youīre expecting a baby?" Howie picked up the senses, smiling, "Man that's some great news."
With her hand on her husband's arm, Leighanne announced smiling, "Yes we are going to have a baby."
Brian grinned widely too, "Yup, youīre looking at a proud father, or a father to be." He laughed as he hugged his wife. Headache and worries forgotten.
"That's just awesome," Kevin laughed as he stood up and gave his cousin the warmest of hugs. "Iīm so happy for the both of you."
"Yes," Howie hugged the couple too. "How many months are you?"
"Four months," Leighanne smiled as she stroked her stomach gently. "We're due towards the end of August."
"How cool man." The depressed mood that had lingered over the house for the past days were gone, replaced by laughter and happiness over the upcoming Backstreet baby.
"What's cool?" AJ asked as he came into the room, peering atop his sunglasses. He was suffering from a very bad hangover and had been resting throughout the day.
"Brian and Leighanne are going to be parents," Kevin announced with a broad smile.
"We're going to have the biggest party when that baby is born." Howie said and they all chatted about the great news.
"A baby? Totally awesome." Yet there were no joy in AJīs words. Instead he said quietly, "What if Nick wonīt be around to celebrate?" The words couldnīt have hit worse. The laughter instantly died down and they all looked at each other. Suddenly reminded over the seriousness in the situation.
