The strong Florida sun made an entrance into the small bed room, piercing through the curtains, onto the sleeping fourteen year old boy . With a groan, Aaron rolled over on his side, drawing the sheet further over his eyes, "Mom, shut those blinds!" When no answer came he opened his eyes, peering, just to discover that he wasn’t in his own room. Instead he was at his brother’s house down in Tampa.
Sweeping a hand across his face in a tired gesture, he took in the surroundings. It was a sparcely decorated room, his brother not being much for interor design. Instead it looked ordinary. 'Many people would be surprised if they knew how "non celeb" Nick’s place looked,' Aaron mused, sitting up in bed.
Slowly yesterday’s events came back to him. Slapping him in his face. He had left home, intending to go up to Tampa to stay with Nick. The last weeks talk about his brother and the cancer had him scared and he wanted desperately to make sure that his big brother was fine. With that in mind he booked a flight to Tampa. All alone. When he called from the airport, his parents had thrown a fit. Yelling at him, telling him to come back home. Aaron being the rebel that he was had hung up. At the moment it had seemed so much more important to see Nick then obeying his parents. They could wait but his brother could not.
Later on in the evening he had called back, expecting to get his ass chewed at, but instead they had been understanding and after a quick conversation with Kevin he had been allowed to stay at Nick’s house until after the weekend. Today it was Wednesday so that meant that he had plenty of time to share with his brother. He had been so scared.
Scared over the way that Nick looked and that he would die on him. His brother was just skin and bone and the sickly yellow complexion made him look even sicker. He had looked so small laying there in the hospital bed and the bald patches where his golden blonde hair had been was visible to him. Nick had done nothing to hide it. But what really had knocked him for a loop was how much Nick had aged over time. His eyes always so full of life and humor were dull and sad. But there was also something more, a wisdom that he had never seen there before. At least not what he was aware of.
Aarons thoughts had crossed over to that his brother looked like a prisoner taken from a concentration camp. The first instinct had been to run, but when he heard that Nick needed him he had decided to stay.
His brother had been so happy to see him and when he saw the light that lit up his brother’s face he knew that he had made the right decision. This was his big brother that he had loved and adored so much. It was the same that had he thought could never do anything wrong.
His hero!
The day had continued at a slow pace and when they had came back from the hospital it had been an uneventful but relaxing evening with lots of talking and joking. It had been great since for a while they all forgot about the reality and sickness that had otherwise been hanging around in the room like thick smoke. Suffocating them one by one. The magic suddenly disappeared when Nick had declared that he was tired and then went to bed. It was like a vail of sadness had fallen over the group and he had shut himself out. Not wanting to look his own brother in the eyes. Aaron felt bad for it, but it was much too hard to cope with and he didn’t know how he was suppose to deal with a reality like this.
A loud growl from the inner depths interrupted his thoughts. It reminding him that he hadn´t eaten anything since last night and he was starving for breakfast. With that in mind he jumped into a pair of tan baggy shorts and a blue and white striped tee shirt. Barefoot he padded outside and over to the bathroom across the hall. After finishing up his morning business, he decided to go down to see if there were something edible in the kitchen. On his way down, he passed Nick’s room and the door was open a crack. Not being able to stop his own curiosity, he peeked inside only to see that the room was empty. 'They had to be downstairs eating already,' Aaron thought taking the stairs in several steps.
Nick’s house was pretty small. It wasn´t like the grand house that he lived at in LA. The house that his brother had bought for them when he wanted to give away something special for Christmas. The same Christmas when he couldn´t be with them since he was busy touring over in Europe.
When Nick had moved out from their home, saying that he would live with Manda instead Aaron had cried a lot. Even if Nick often was out on the road he wanted his brother to live at home since it meant so much for him to be near Nick. Then when Manda and him broke up from their old home Nick had went and got this house. He said that since he was always away touring he didn’t want something big to clean and therefore he bought this small home. But Aaron knew better. He knew that his brother felt lost in big houses since he was used to growing up on the road, packed into small busses, vans, hotel rooms and lots of people. Since Aaron grew up under similar circumstances, he knew that Nick thought a big house would make him too lonely.
What Nick instead valued was the outside view. Being the water freak that he was, he buildt the house outside Tampa, down on the beach of Tampa Bay. Just like the Carter family, Nick also had a house in Marathon and one in Key West. Unfortunatly they had little time to spend down in the Keys but when they were together they often went out fishing, swimming and diving. Just relaxing, being a family. In Marathon Nick also had a his beauty. A white luxery boat that he loved taking out on rides. But that happened rarely too.
"Hello?" Aaron called out when he came downstairs. It was silent, not a soul in sight. The guys, including his brother had probably went to the studio to record some songs. Without him. With a deep sigh he walked into the kitchen area. It was clean and empty and he opened the refrigerator to scan for something edible. Grabbing the juice carton, he poured the orange juice into a tall glass, taking a sip. It was good but it didn’t stop the hunger that was growling inside him. Scanning the shelves, he found the pizza from yesterday. Nick’s pizza.
Frowning, he tasted a piece. It was good and he took out the whole plate. He tried not to let it disturb him, but the fact that his brother hadn´t even tasted his favorite dish had him concerned. Nick claimed that he wasn´t hungry and that he had already eaten over at the hospital. Aaron knew that was a load of bull. It was the cancer eating his brother from inside out.
Taking his glass and the plate with the pizza slices, he placed it on the counter and then sat down on the high bar stool. While eating his breakfast, he absently looked outside just to be met with a familiar figure sitting down by the beach looking out on the water and the white luxery sailboats cruising the bay.
After quickly eating up his breakfast he decided to go outside and join his big brother. The moment he stepped out on the patio, Nick’s two dogs came running to them. "Hey Mikey," Aaron cajoled as he patted the two pugs and scratched them behind their ears. The dogs wagged their tails, happy to be recognized. Hunched down, the teen talked to the dogs for a while. He loved animals just as much as Nick, and all together the family had 9 dogs, several cats and birds. His father sometimes complained that it was like living at a zoo. When Aaron felt tired of scratching the dogs stomachs he said, "Ok boys, lead me to Nick." Instantly the dogs jumped up and then went off in full speed down by the beach where their master was sitting, relaxing.
With a smile the teen watched as the dogs attacked his brother, licking him on his face, barking at him to come and play. Patiently, Nick let the dogs play with him and he threw them a stick he found. The dogs set off which had Nick laughing.
"Morning Bro´" Aaron greeted. It was a beautiful day and even if it wasn´t noon it had every potential to be hot outside. It was the perfect day to be out on the ocean, just chillin, relaxing or floating like Nick used to say.
Turning his head in Aaron’s direction, Nick lit up with a smile on his face, "Morning sleepy head," he greeted him, "so you finally decided to join the land of the living." Patting on the ground next to him he continued, "here come and sit down beside me."
"Ok," Aaron sat down, instantly having the two dogs in his lap. He scratched one behind it´s ear while commenting, "You´re out early."
"Nope Bro, it´s you that´s late." He grinned slightly, "slept well?"
"Sorta, what you´re doin'?"
"Ohhh, nothing. Just thinking."
"Ah, cool." Aaron glanced over at Nick. Even if it was warm outside he was wearing a longsleeved t-shirt like he was cold and he had a blue bandana on his head. For a moment the teen thought that he looked just like he did when was young. Just as skinny. Trying to make small conversation Aaron asked, "Did the guys already leave for the studio?"
"Yep. It´s just you and me Kiddo." Nick ruffled his hair.
"Awww, stop it!" Aaron knew that he sounded whiny but he couldn’t help it. If it was something he hated it was when someone was ruffling his hair, messing up his hair style. "It´s getting all messed up." Irritated he flatted his hair with his hand.
"Man you´re starting to get as picky as D' is when it comes to his hairstyle." Nick chuckled.
"Bah..and you´re the one who should talk." Aaron said with certain disgust. "I´m not the one that spends hours in front of the mirror." Nick opened his mouth to say something but Aaron cut it short, "and don’t deny it cause I´ve seen you do it. Many times!"
It was a game that they played. Saying comments to each other, sometimes rude and gross ones and then returning the comments with something witty. It was like a game of tennis. Going back and forth.
"Not anymore I don´t!" Nick patted his head with his hand, "there isn´t too much to comb anymore."
'Shit!' Aaron felt like he wanted to lay down and die. 'How can I be such an asshole and say something like that to Nick when he is sick with cancer and all!' He mentally slapped himself several times before stuttering, "Uh..bro.. I´m so sorry..I didn´t mean to..eh.."
"Oh don´t worry. It has it´s advantages since I don´t need as much shampoo anymore and it´s getting cheaper too." He smiled towards the teen who blushed widely with embarrassment, "really Aaron, it´s ok!"
"Ok." Aaron smiled back but deep in his heart he wasn´t so sure that Nick was taking his sickness so easy as he wanted everyone believe that he did. This left him with an unsure feeling. There were so many questions that he wanted to ask, so many answers that he wanted to know. About the cancer. About the future. Yet he kept his mouth shut, not saying anything on the stuff that was constantly pleauging his mind.
"Check this out," Nick said waving with his hand towards the water, "isn´t it totally awesome?"
"Uh..what?"
"The water dork." Nick laughed quietly. "Could there be anything more relaxing? Doesn´t it look like you wanna jump in and swim your butt off?"
"Eh..I guess." Sometimes Aaron had a hard time following his brother. This was such a case.
"Don´t mind me," Nick added when he saw the confusion clouding his little brother’s face. "I´m always talking a whole load of bullshit. Always have and always will." "No you´re not." Aaron suddenly felt obligated to say something. His senses told him that Nick was feeling so much worse than he was letting on and he was doing his best to keep a happy facade. Acting had always been Nick’s strongest side, apart from music. But Aaron had never been fooled knowing his brother too well.
"Whatever." Nick shrugged like he always did when something was bothering him. Then he turned his attention back to the water and the sailboats. "Man I could pay thousands of dollars to be out on a boat on a day like this." There was something dreaming in his eyes, "Imagine being out on the ocean on a day like this. Just chillin', taking it easy." "Mhmmm." Since boats weren’t Aaron’s strongest passion he didn´t quite share the same enthusasim like his brother did. Nick had always loved the ocean and he when he was on his downtime he could spend hours on the beach, sitting there watching the waves hit against the shore. This was as far away from the public Nick could get. This was the real Nick. The hopeful dreamer.
"Dude," Nick broke the silence after a while, "how I wish we were down in Marathon. The we could go out on my beauty, fishing you know and chillin'. Just taking it easy, go with the flow." He stared into the horizon in that dreamy state that some people called spacing out. Aaron knew better. This was Nick’s shield. His protection from the world around him. An escape when it all was starting to become too much.
Nick jerked suddenly like he woke up from the trance he was in. "Hey what do you say squirt? Should we go down there, just you and me. Alone on a boat sailing the West Indies?" He smiled, flashing a teeth white grin. "That would be life, wouldn´t it?"
Aaron nodded. He didn´t want to destroy his brother’s dream by saying that he wasn´t so hot on the idea and instead did his fair share of acting. He and boats had never been a good combination. Even if he loved water too, it was one thing swimming and diving and another to rock on a boat. And the rocking made him seasick, which sucked. Sucked dirt!
Seasickness wasn´t all that had him feeling uncomfortable. The idea of spending time with his brother all alone didn’t sound so tempting either. What if something happened? Something that had to do with cancer.
Nick smiled, "But we won´t go."
"Whyyy?" Aaron felt surprised.
"Because it wouldn´t be such a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Thanks again...but you know it wouldn´t work." There was no explanation to his comments.
Before Aaron had a chance to think, he blurted out something that he could have given millions of dollars to have undone. "Is it because of the cancer?"
Nick’s face fell. "Nah..I was more thinking of you being seasick." He went quiet. Unnaturally quiet for Nick.
Aaron could feel his face blushing and he stuttered, desperate to trying to correct it all, "No..I didn´t..you know..I didn´t mean..uh..I.." But the damage was already done. He had blown it all. Wanting to slap his face, he mentally screamed to himself, 'God Carter how stupid can you be?'
Just when he thought that it was all over, he felt Nick’s hand on his shoulder. "AC it´s alright." The voice was quiet and calm, almost like a whisper. "I think it is time that you and me had a talk. You know some big brother talk.
