“I’m beating your ass and there’s nothing you can do to catch me!”
“AC.... get back here with that! I swear to God I’m gonna tell Ma!”
“Oh, now we’re playing ‘Nick’s Ball so it’s Nick’s made up rules' cause he’s losing?”
“Aaron Charles Carter, for the love of God, stop being silly and get your skinny butt over here!”
“Why don’t you come and get me fatass!”
Nick successfully grabbed his little brother and held his body in a tight grip, tickeling his sides until the young boy howled with laughter. “You can’t say that and get away with it, can you?”
Aaron squirmed in Nick’s grasp, laughing as tears slipped from his eyes. The high pitched laughing suddenly turned into beeps....beeping.
Beeping?
Nick jerked.
“You’re awake, how are you feeling?”
Drawing a skaky breath in through his mouth, Nick looked at his surroundings.
“You’re at St. Mary’s.”
“I can’t be here,” he replied quietly.
The nurse fussed with the buttons on the IV box. “Why?”
“I have an appointment today.”
“Hon, it’s eight-thirty in the evening,” the nurse clarified.
“Shit.... I’ve been sleeping all damn day again?”
The woman turned her attention to her patient, adjusting his blankets as she lifted his wrist to check his pulse. “It’s common after anesthesia.”
Nick groaned inwardly.
“From what I know, you’re a very lucky guy.”
Nick smiled weakly. “Oh yeah, real lucky.”
“The surgeon had some trouble stopping the bleeding. You lost a lot of blood. You had to get a unit post op.”
“Did my friends go....” Nick stopped asking his question when the door was pushed open.
“Hey Nick, you’re looking a little better. Glad to see you’re awake. How you feeling?”
The nurse scooped up Nick’s chart and quietly left the room.
“How did I get here? I thought I told you I didn’t have time for this crap.”
Kevin shook his head as he took the seat next to the bed. “You didn’t answer any of my questions.”
“I told you I had to do that conference today.”
“Nick, be reasonable, I had to cancel it.”
“Kevin, I told you I don’t have much time left.”
Kevin stared at his little brother, looking so lost and helpless in the hospital bed. “I didn’t have much of a choice, I had to call an ambulance---”
“Oh shit, you didn’t!”
“What difference does that make now? I did what was necessary,” Kevin defended.
“God, I can only think of what you told the producers at Mtv when you cancelled on them,” Nick sighed.
“I told them made up bullshit to satisfy them until you could do the conference.”
“And when do you think I’ll be doing that? God, look at me! I look shittier each passing day...”
“Nick, you’re sick, you have can..” the word caught in Kevin’s throat and he paused as he tried to keep his composure.
“I have cancer,” Nick finished the sentence. “You know I’m suppose to start the agressive chemo. I’m probably never going to see a good day again.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“It’s true.”
Kevin stared at Nick’s pale complextion unsure of what to say, his normally unflappable composure, shaken.
Brian looked up from the magazine when Kevin trudged into the private waiting room.
“Where is everybody?”
Setting the magazine on the seat beside him as he stood up, Brian replied, “Jay is outside smoking and Howie went with him for a change of scenery. Has Nick woke up yet?”
Kevin nodded.
“Why didn’t you get me then? I’m gonna go check on him...”
“He’s already asleep again.”
Brian’s shoulders sank. “Oh.... how did he take it?”
“You know Nick,” Kevin replied, trying to laugh it off.
“That bad?”
“Let’s put it this way, if he had the strength, I’m sure I wouldn’t be standing right now.”
Grabbing a paper cup, he poured a cup of decaf coffee. “Does he know about the chemo yet?”
“We never got that far with him. He was really fighting to stay awake just to chew my ass about bringing him here.”
“Does he realize how bad the nosebleed was?”
Kevin shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I would think he probably has an idea.”
“I have a feeling he’s gonna try and hold off the chemo until he can do that damned press conference.”
“Not if I talk to him.”
Kevin and Brian reeled, shocked to see Aaron Carter standing in the doorway of the waiting room.
Brian’s eyes widened as he looked at the young teen and then past him to the doorway. “Aaron? Where’s your folks?”
“I came by myself. I caught the phone and talked to Howie and I came.”
Brian hugged the teenager. “Oh, so your parents arranged for your flight?”
“Nah, just my credit card and my bodyguard Ryan. I left them a note.”
Brian pushed Aaron away to look into his face. “A note?”
“Yeah, it’s cool. I told them I had to do some unexpected PR and that Ryan was accompanying me. Can I see Nick now?” As two older men exchanged glances, Aaron picked up on their uneasiness. “Is everything okay? I want to see Nick,” panic was evident in his voice.
“It probably isn’t a good idea today, he’s still coming out of the anesthesia..”
“No, maybe it’s better for Aaron to see Nick while he’s sleeping,” Kevin decided, glancing warily at the young boy.
Aaron turned to run out the door. “Something’s wrong! I want to see my brother!”
Kevin reached out and snagged the boy by his arm, jerking him from the exit. “Aaron, calm down!”
“Then let me see him!”
Kevin guided Aaron to the nearest chair in the room, forcing him to sit. “It’s been a few months since you’ve seen him, we need to talk about a few things before you go in his room...”
Nick struggled to open his eyes, but his lids seemed so heavy and uncooperative that every time he thought he was going to succeed, his eyes would only roll back and his lids would close. He listened to the noises as he tried to figure out where he was or to decide if he was trying to wake from another nightmare.
A clicking noise told him that there was an IV running beside him, so he immediately knew that it meant that he was in the hospital again. He couldn’t breathe through his nose either and that was annoying him as he struggled to regain consciousness. There was a distinctive noise that made Nick turn his head in the direction of the sound.
He thought he heard someone quietly sob. It was a tiny, almost choked. Frowing, he tried to will his eyes to open. He couldn’t place who the sound was coming from. It was too light to be one of the guys.
Mustering all of the strength that was left in his tired body, Nick finally managed to pry his eyes halfway open. His vision was blurred at first but after a few blinks he thought he saw a young teen sitting beside him, his head bowed.
“AC?” His voice betrayed him and the words only came out in a small whisper. Clearing his throat, Nick tried again.
Very slowly, Aaron lifted his eyes to look at his brother and quickly looked back down again. It was obvious to him that what Aaron was looking at made him uncomfortable. Pulling a hand out from under the covers, Nick reached out to touch his brother’s hand.
“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” Nick apologized.
Aaron softly took Nick’s hand, touching it like it was an expensive, delicate object. He couldn’t reply and only managed to shrug his shoulders.
Nick was happy just to gaze at his baby brother. He missed him and just to have him hold his hand made him feel ten times better than what any medication could ever offer in relief. After a few minutes, the silence was broken.
“Brian didn’t want me to stay in here alone.”
Nick’s heart skipped a beat. He suddenly felt awful. He must really look worse than what he imagined for Brian to think that Aaron shouldn’t be left alone in the room.
“I guess he was worried that I would freak out on you or something. I dunno. I’m fine though cause I snuck back in here when he and when he found me I told him I was okay with this.”
Nick tried to follow what Aaron was saying, but his words seem to ramble on and he could tell that this kid that was used to holding thousands of people captive onstage was literally unsure of his words and uncomfortable alone in the room. It was as if he was a stranger to his own sibling. The next words Aaron uttered tore at Nick’s heart.
“I still don’t think it’s you.... I mean I know it’s you, but you don’t look like you....” he pulled his hand from Nick’s and quickly wiped the tears that flowed down his cheeks. “Why is this happening?”
Tears started to slide down Nick’s cheeks and he left them unchecked as he turned his face away from his brother’s. “I wish I knew,” he whispered.
Aaron stood up and for a moment, Nick was certain his brother would bolt out of the room. To his surprise, Aaron softly laid his head on Nick’s chest. “I love you Nick.”
“Good morning Mr. Carter, my name is Hal and I’m from transportation,” a man dressed in dark green scrubs announced as he walked in with a wheelchair.
Aaron stirred from the chair over in the corner of the room.
“Am I getting discharged or something?” Nick asked, with anticipation in his voice.
“Surgery.. didn’t you already sign a surgical consent form?”
Nick narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the orderly and shook his head negatively.
“Hold on a moment, I’ll get your nurse, back in a sec.”
“Why are you having surgery Nick?”
“I’m not having surgery, there must be some mistake.”
Deciding that he needed to lighten the atmosphere, Aaron grinned.
“Spill it AC, what are you smiling about?”
“Maybe they finally scheduled that breast surgery you wanted.”
“Ha ha, very funny,” Nick remarked dryly.
“I have your chart right here Nick, the consent’s been signed for the biopsy,” the nurse annouced as she breezed into the room.
Nick raised an eyebrow at the woman. “I didn’t sign any consent--”
“Biopsy? What biopsy?” Aaron squeaked.
Nick held his IV free hand in the air to silence his brother. “I didn’t sign any consent, I’m telling you!”
The woman looked paged through the legal print until she found the final page. “Here it is... oh, I see now why you don’t recall signing this, it was signed by your advocate.”
“Will someone tell me what’s going on?” Aaron pleaded as he looked at Nick and then the nurse. “What’s an advocate?”
“Brian decided to take the situation in his hands again,” Nick mumbled. “It’s nothing to be concerned over Aaron. I’ll talk to Brian when he comes in.”
Aaron couldn’t let this drop. “Nick, what’s an advocate and what are they talking about a biopsy for?”
“Sweetheart, an advocate is someone that your brother designated to make decisions for him when he can’t.”
“Well, that was a mistake, he is trying to take over my damn life.”
“And the biopsy? What is that about?”
The nurse looked directly at Nick. “You have to answer this one, Nick. That’s not for me to do.”
“Please Nick, tell me what’s going on!”
Licking his lips, Nick looked at his little brother as he summoned up the courage to tell him the horrible news.
“Please Nick.”
“They found a lump on my liver and they want to do a biopsy on the lump to see if the cancer has spread.”
“And you’re gonna do it, right?”
“Aaron, I’m so tired...”
Tears immediately sprang into the young teen’s eyes. “Nick you have to do it.”
Nick shook his head. “I don’t know if I can.”
“You have to do it.... you just have to.”
“What if it comes back positive? I honestly don’t think I can handle more bad news.”
“I’ll be there with you. Please do this Nick. Please.”
Nick’s eyes locked onto his brother’s. He couldn’t stand to look at his tear streaked face any longer.
He was sad and crying and it was all because of him.
“I’ll do it for you.”
“Nick you have to do it for yourself too,” he added.
“Okay..okay, I’m doing it for you and for myself and for everyone else.”
Aaron wrapped his arms around Nick’s shoulders. “Thank you!” He moved away from his brother when the orderly placed the wheel chair beside the bed. Aaron could only watched in shock as the man helped Nick onto shaky legs. He couldn’t believe how much his brother’s appearance had changed so dramatically in less than a few months. The thick, blond hair was now all but a memory as patches of scalp stuck shined through the scattered patches of hair that stubbornly remained. His skin looked paper thin and threatened to rip if he was careless and bumped an arm or a leg.
The man that was being helped into a wheelchair was anyone but his brother. Aaron swallowed the lump the was forming in his throat as he fought back the tears that were burning in his eyes.
As the orderly unlocked the wheels, he turned toward Aaron. “You can wait in here if you’d like. He should be back in his room in less than an hour from now.”
“Go eat some breakfast or something. I’ll be fine. See you in a few.”
Aaron closed the door softly after Nick was wheeled out. Calmly, he walked back to his brother’s bed and unabashedly felt the warmth of the sheets.
Nick’s warmth... his life.....
Picking up the pillow, he breathed his brother’s essense in.
So many memories ran through his mind, so many feelings. Comfort... security... love....
Covering his face with the pillow, Aaron wept as his pent up emotions finally surfaced and spilled.
He was afraid of losing Nick.
“Nick, don’t die... please don’t die..” he repeated over and over as he wept until he finally fell asleep.
