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Nick looked up at Dr. Andersen with weary eyes. He had been given two days of rest after the week long of intensive chemo and he was starting to feel as normal as he could and now was the first day that would start another week of agony. He had regretted his decision last week for rejecting the drug induced coma and was fearful that this week may prove to be more difficult than the last one. He had radiation before so he silently prayed that this week would go by easily for him.
"Good morning Nickolas," Dr. Andersen chirped as she approached the bed. "How are you feeling this morning?"
He managed a tight smile on his face. "Bloated and tired."
Dr. Andersen patted her patient lightly on the shoulder. "I'm sorry about that but if you remember, I forewarned you that this would be one of the side effects of the medication I had to place you on last week. I will be hooking up an anti edemic to hopefully take care of that. It won't be an instant cure but it will help some with the swelling."
"Thanks."
"Okay I will outline the plan for this week again for you. We will be starting the total body radiation which means you will have it twice a day this week. Once at 8:30 a.m. and again at 4:30 p.m. I won't lie to you and say this will be painless. The procedure itself is painless but the after effects have been known to make you ill with radiation sickness, unfortunately."
"Great," Nick muttered.
"You'll only have to go through the TBI - total body irradication for three days."
"Only three?" Nick questioned, voice dripping with sarcasim.
The doctor smiled. "Yes, only three days." She flipped open Nick's chart. "Do you have any questions?"
Nick shook his head slightly as he closed his eyes.
"Good morning Nick, ready to take you down to xray," a male voice called out.
Startled, Nick's eyes opened looking at the orderly and then at Dr. Andersen. "Already?"
"Nickolas, I told you we'd be doing this twice a day starting at 8:30," Dr. Andersen stated as she gestured at the clock on the wall.
Nick looked around the room, despiration in evident in his eyes. "But no one's come back yet."
"Your friends can't come with you for this," Dr. Andersen replied.
"But what if they come back and worry where I am?"
"I'm sure they'll be fine Nickolas, let's get you up and in the wheel chair," the doctor stated as she reached to pull the covers off her patient.
Nick held the blankets in a tight grasp - at least he thought he was holding onto them tightly but realized that he had grown considerably weak when the older woman pulled them away without any effort.
"C'mon Nick, let's get you up and over," the orderly said as he grasped an arm for support.
Reluctantly, Nick slowly made his way into the waiting wheel chair. The orderly immediately unfolded a heated blanket across Nick's lap and Dr. Andersen positioned the IV pole into the stand in the back of the chair.
"Okay Nickolas, I'll check back with you after you get back into your room," Dr. Andersen stated as she placed a comforting hand on her young patient's shoulder.
"You're not coming to watch the torture?" Nick asked quietly.
Dr. Andersen looked down at Nick. "You trying to make me feel bad over this?"
Nick shrugged his shoulders in reply. "I just want this whole thing to be over....."
The doctor motioned for the orderly to stop and then she bent down to get eye level with Nick. "Would you like someone to be with you when you go down for the procedure?"
Nick looked at the doctor, his vision blurred by the tears that had welled up in his eyes. He nodded his head, not trusting his voice.
"I would have loved to have accompanied you but I'll go get your nurse to see if she can go down with you."
The doctor was gone for a few uncomfortable moments. Nick felt that the orderly was probably thinking that he was being a baby and tried to keep himself occupied with the blankets to avoid any conversation.
"Good morning trouble!"
Nick looked up to find Cyndi standing in the doorway. He smiled sheepishly as he looked up at his all-time favorite nurse. "Hi."
The nurse quickly walked over to the wheel chair. "I'll take him down, thanks Nate."
Nick felt relief wash over him as Cyndi pushed him out of his familiar surroundings and out into the hall. Although he was covered with the heated blanket Nick found himself shivering. "I'm sorry I'm causing so much trouble," he mumbled apologetically.
Cyndi patted Nick on the shoulder. "Nonesense. I wanted to get away from there anyway," she replied as she leaned closer to Nick's ear. "besides, they have a situation in room sixteen and I just wanted to be as far away from there as possible."
"Oh.....I've probably been one of those last week," Nick remarked, figuring someone had thrown up all over the bed.
Cyndi laughed. "I doubt it unless you started your period and it's all over the bedding."
Nick's eyes widened with embarrassment at the thought.
The nurse noticed the red flush on Nick's cheeks. "Ooops, sorry I keep forgetting that you pretty much grew up with just guys around."
"It's okay. I guess I wasn't expecting you to say that, besides I have sisters."
"Yeah...but still that was very unprofessional of me," Cyndi apologized.
"Would you shut the fuck up about it?" Nick whispered teasingly.
"Okay.....okay....shutting up."
Just as they were approaching the elevators, Nick spotted a familiar figure stepping off. Instead of his heart racing with joy, he felt it sink. "Awe shit," he muttered.
"Nicky!"
'Great ma....announce to everyone in the hall that I'm here,' Nick thought darkly. He pasted a thin smile on his face. "Hi."
"Oh baby......you look horrible!" Jane cried as she looked down at her son.
"Chemo does that to you..." he muttered.
"I just got back and Kevin told me that you had a horrible week but I never realized how bad it would be on you," Jane continued.
Cyndi started backing the wheel chair into the open elevator, acknowledging Jane Carter with a tight smile. She knew this woman's history and she prayed that she would stop the comments before she broke Nick's already fragile self esteem.
"Mrs. Carter---"
"Jane, please call me Jane...."
"Alright, Jane, I'm taking Nick downstairs to start treatment, I think you'd be more comfortable waiting for him back at his room."
Nick sighed inwardly. 'Thank God for Cyndi.'
"No, I'm fine, I can go down with my baby," Jane quickly replied.
"Ma, I'm not gonna be gone that long.....go get some coffee or something, seriously," Nick pleaded.
Jane looked at her watch. "I suppose if you want me to, I guess I can go to the cafeteria and make some calls to Aaron's manager."
Cyndi saw Nick's jaw clench after Jane spoke. She knew that this had always been a touchy subject with Nick and his mother. Over the course of time that she has been assigned to Nick, he had broke down and told her his sad childhood history, being the son of an overachieving stage mother. She felt her patient's pain as he told her about the childhood he never had and how he had always felt that he would never live up to his parent's expectations. She wanted to cut in and suggest to Mrs. Carter that she should just go down and read the paper in the cafeteria and not make phone calls but she knew this wasn't her place to step in.
"Yeah ma, I really don't want you to sit and wait for me to be done....it would probably be easier," Nick replied weakly.
As the elevator stopped on the second floor, Jane leaned over and kissed her son on the cheek.
"He should be away from his room for about an hour and a half," Cyndi stated to the older woman. Once the doors had closed, Cyndi leaned over and whispered. "It won't take that long I just figured you'd want some time to yourself after."
Nick sighed. "Whew, I was starting to freak out when you said it would take that long."
"Nope, twenty minutes on the front and twenty minutes on the back.....sorta like a hamburger."
"Nice picture."
"Anything to get you through this, boy."
After the formalities of Nick and the x-ray tech, he was handed over to the young woman and Cyndi told him that she would be on the other side of the window, watching. The tech pushed the wheel chair into the cold radilology room and Nick thought if the cold room wasn't enough, the warming blanket was taken away from him and he was told to lay flat on a cool table. Next, the tech started attaching sticky pads to different areas on his body, explaining that this was done for density. After that was done, bags of saline and something like petroleum jelly was placed in specific areas for protection.
"Okay Nick, just lay still, the first side will take about eight minutes, just let me know if you need something," the woman said before she left Nick alone in the room.
"How about you do this for me?"
"Nick...you'll do fine," Cyndi replied over the intercom. "Just lay still."
"Easy for you to say," he muttered.
Eight minutes of listening to the machine hum was eight minutes of time for Nick to think. Although he was trying to stay positive, all Nick could think about was that he was freezing and that there was no turning back now, this was going to wipe his bone marrow out completely. After the eight minutes was completed, Cyndi's voice came over the intercom.
"How are you doing?"
"What do you think?" Nick replied sarcastically.
"I'm going to turn you over now," the tech's voice said over the intercom. The table turned and Nick soon found himself staring down at the floor. The anaolgy of being a hamburger sprung into his brain and although he was scared to death of what was going on with his body, Nick found himself smiling at Cyndi's words. He was thankful that he had her for a nurse.
