The one thing in the whole world that could make Fredania ecstatically happy (besides, of course, staring at fake plants) was listening to the kingie of Northern Macedonia play the saxophone. He could honk out a tune better than the guy with the puffy cheeks! Every time the kingie (whose name happened to be Herb) blew out a song, Fredania would scream "EUCALYPTUS!!" and clap his hands. It was a joyous thing for both Herb and Fredania!
Herb would also take Fredania for walks. This is where Fredania learned to talk better. He would see a fern and yell "EUCALYPTUS!!" and Herb would say, "no, fern." So Fredania would see a crepe myrtle and say "FERN!!" and Herb would say, "no, crepe myrtle." and Fredania would see a polyester imitation Nehru jacket (don't ASK me where they got polyester imitation Nehru jackets in Northern Macedonia) and say "CREPE MYRTLE!!" and so on until they went home and showed the queenie his new talents. (Side note: For those of you who are wondering, the queenie spent her days at home knitting those incredibly long scarves that never seem to end they just keep on going and going and you wonder where a person can get all that yarn but you never can tell because they're still using the same ball of yarn on a scarf that looks 80 feet long and once they're all knitted and stuff you never see them again because they are shipped off to some ungrateful grandchild who uses the scarf as a foot warmer or just shoves it in the back of their closet for the rest of eternity. Just thought you might want to know.) The queenie (who's name was Abecidofugahejikolumanepiqurosutavewixoyuza, but for short everyone just called her Abe) was always very very interested in what her charming little new adopted addition to the family could say and do. Mostly he couldn't do much, and by the time he was two he could name every plant in the woods but he STILL couldn't say "mama" or "dada".
Anyway, by the time Fredania was two, Herb and Abe had him convinced they were his real parents and that they had always had him and why was he having nightmares about sewers? So anyway, around that time Fredania could walk (fast learner as he was) and began to wonder in his little two year old brain, "Why don't we have any pets?" So one day while he was supposed to be happily listening to Herb play some Kenny G. song on the saxophone (btw: Herb actually wrote all of those songs for Kenny G., but he ended up to be such a loser that Herb let him take all the credit.), Fredania snuck off into the woods.
He had not gone far when he came across a little squirrel who called himself "Moe". "Heywhat'syournameIbetyoucan'tclimbatreeasfastasIcan,canyanopeyacan'tsohahaha!" said Moe. "EUCALYPTUS!!" said Fredania (because it was still his favorite word) and he grabbed Moe by the tail and carried the furry little creature all the way home. He crawled for what seemed like years (but was really only two minutes) until he got back home and presented Herb and Abe with Moe. Herb said, "Ooooh." Abe said, "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" (apparently, she had been in a child hood trauma involving a squirrel) Moe said "Betyadidn'tthinkIcouldactuallystayattachedtoalittlechildthatwasswingingmearoundlikeahackeysackhuhnopeyadidn'thahaha." Fredania said, "EUCALYPTUS!!" so he got to keep Moe in a cage in his room.
After two weeks Fredania got sick of taking care of Moe and Moe died. Fredania was sad and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and then he got over it and buried the dang squirrel which by that time was rotting and stinking up the whole castle in the sky. (Well, it wasn't REALLY in the sky, but that made it seem so much more like...paradise.)
Anyway, by that time Herb and Abe told Fredania it was time to go to that school that isn't real school and all you do is play and eat and take naps but they like to call it day school. So they signed him up for the Northern Macedonian School of Arts and Culture. And then something REALLY weird happened...
