Well, Fredania just couldn't believe his rotten luck. All he had to do to get out of this mucky sewer was say mama and dada. What the heck was his problem? Why could he say things like eucalyptus, but not mama and dada? Could it be that he was...gasp...a delayed learner? Nah. That couldn't be. He was as intelligent as the next three year old. If not more! But the predicament was too much for him to take. He just plopped down and bawled.
"What's the matter?" Jim-Bob asked. "I...I can't say that!" Fredania cried. "Why not?" "I don't know. I never learned!" Jim-Bob looked at his poor little...well, he didn't really have any relation to this three year old, so I guess Fredania wasn't his poor little anything. But still, he felt sorry for the little bugger. So he said, "Well, don't worry, Fredania. You can stay with me until you learn how to say mama and dada!" Fredania considered this. "But what about my kingie and queenie? They expect me to come home from day school today! What will I do?" "Oh, don't worry about that. Call them collect!" Jim-Bob pointed to a pay phone in the corner of his little hole like abode. Fredania walked over to the phone and began to dial 0.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" asked Jim-Bob. "Calling collect!" Fredania answered. "DON'T DIAL 0!!! DIAL 1-800-CALL-ATT!!! IT REALLY SAVES AND IT'S ALL DOWN THE MIDDLE!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? ANSWER ME BOY!!!" "Yes, yes, I understand! I shall call 1-800-CALL-ATT! And could you please stop talking in capital letters? It's taking up a lot of space." "Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead, make your phone call."
So Fredania picked up the phone again and dialed 1-800-CALL-ATT. When he connected to his kingie and queenie, he said, "Hi! I fell down the sewer and I am here with a nice man named Jim-Bob." "Why aren't you in day school?" they asked. "Because I fell down the sewer! Didn't I already say that?" Fredania said. "Well, who's this Jim-Bob?" they asked. "He's the sewer troll who's not really a troll...aw, never mind, he's my buddy." "Are you sure you should be associating with strange men in sewers?" "I don't know, but he can't be all bad, he's got a stuffed palm tree named Jelly." "Oh, well then by all means, stay with this man! But when will you be home?" "As soon as I can say...the baby words for the maternal and parental figures of the house." "Mama and dada?" "Yes."
At this news, the kingie Herb and the queenie Abe broke down in saddened tears and wept bitterly. For they knew it could take a very long while for their son to return. "Don't worry guys, Jim-Bob will take care of me!" Fredania assured them. "Ok, son, but do try and hurry your progress!" they said. "Oh, I will! Goodbye!" and he hung up on them.
"Well, now what?" Fredania asked. "I think I shall begin training you," Jim-Bob said. "We do want you to get home asap, that is unless of course, you like it down here and you want to stay and move in next door, it does get rather lonely down here you know." "Thanks but no thanks," Fredania said. "I think it's best that I get back home."
So Jim-Bob trained poor Fredania for the next two years on speaking baby talk. It was hard, grueling work, but by the time he was five years old, Fredania had conquered his disability and could say the magic words that would get him back home. After many collect calls to home and twice as many late night talks with Jelly, it finally came to him.
"Well, I guess this is it," Jim-Bob said. "Yeah," Fredania agreed. "I'll miss you, I'll never forget what you have done for me!" "Just remember...should you need me...for any reason at all...I'll be right down the sewer," Jim-Bob said. "I'll remember." Fredania said. "Now how exactly do I get back home?" he asked. "Just bang your head on the wall five times and say, "There's no one like my mama and dada. There's no one like my mama and dada." "Ok, here goes nothing." Fredania approached the wall that would take him back home. Well, he took about an hour to say goodbye to Jelly first, but THEN he approached the wall that would take him back home...
