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August [30] [17] [6]

*****

August 30, 2000 ~ My God, things are insane. So I'm in college now. I moved in yesterday. It's so weird. I don't really know how I'm doing. Sometimes things are looking alright, and I'm feeling good about it, and then something random will happen and I'll just wish I was back home, and figure that I really don't want to be going to college enough for this. I did meet some people today though, so that's good. And I know things will get better once classes start. I don't really know how I feel about my roommate situation either. They're both nice, and our room seems to have worked out alright, although both of them want to rearrange it more, and I'm perfectly content with how it is. There's really too many people for me though. I totally need my alone time and when they're both here I start feeling really lost or something. It's weird. I shut down and get all quiet. But who knows. And also some are more sympathetic to the fears of meeting people, while others already know a bunch of people here. I don't like that, it pisses me off. Nobody should be allowed to have an easier time than me. Hehe. But overall I think things are going alright. I think I mainly just need sleep. And to try to get myself to be a little more outgoing or something. And to try harder to find some sort of personal identity. This stuff is really trying. And I swear, the most RANDOM things will upset me. I think if I either had one roommate, or just had an empty place to go to by myself, I would deal with things a lot better. I don't know why this is. It's odd. I also feel really far from home, cause I am really far from home, and when I think about that it's really upsetting. Like I don't like how I don't have the option to go home or see people or whatever. It's very very strange. So I updated, Eileen has to be happy now. That's what I say. I'm so dead tired, it's weird. I'm being overly unsocial. But oh well. I guess time'll make things better. Or something like that. I'm gonna go do something now. Maybe I'll just sleep. I've gotta figure out my schedule more thoroughly first though. Alright, hopefully I'll get to this page at some point. Everything's so damn crazy.

*****

August 17, 2000 ~ This is all so surreal. The first of my friends left today. And tomorow is going to be insane. I can't imagine it. It's gonna be mighty lonely here waiting to leave once everyone else has gone. Clarke called me today from Tech, but I wasn't home. He's supposed to call me again tomorrow and I'm hoping I'll be here. It's so weird to think that when you drive by people's houses, they just aren't there anymore, or that you don't have these people to randomly call up, and that you won't be running into these people. I dunno. Craziness. So I've had quite possibly the most insane summer of my life. Incredibly great in so many ways, and really tough in some other weird crazy way. A lot of growing though, I'd say. It's been good. It's gone by so quickly though. I don't think I've accomplished any of the things I was determined to do this summer, but more important things have taken place, so eh. I'll have time for the other things later. So yesterday was quite an overwhelming day as was today. Well two days ago I finally talked to that guy w/ whom all was bad, and then we got together to talk yesterday. Not so great. I don't know. It's just all so crazy, and I'm in a different place now. Then there was the first saying goodbye event. And spending time with people you just don't wanna leave. Today involved a rather nerve wracking event, which turned out just as I wanted it to. So that's really good, and a lot of what I've been worrying about lately I no longer have to worry about. But it definitely left an impression. So much I never thought I'd be thinking about or worrying about or seeing as a possible reality for myself. So crazy. Anyway, this is it for now. I'm still working on revamping. Who knows when that'll be done though. I'll have more time when I'm sittin here on my own. Best of luck to all. Bye!

*****

August 6, 2000 ~ Hey there. Sorry it's been so long. I've been so busy. What a summer it's been. It's so late now. August just came and bit us all in the ass. It's so strange when a time that you always looked to but could never really imagine is suddenly your reality. I'd say it feel surreal, but it actually just feels like a reality in shock. Something like that. I wanted to do a quick update, just to say that I'm still here, this page is still running, and I'm working on revamping, so hopefully there'll be a new version of this page up and running sometime not too far from now. It's going pretty slow right now though. Right now my focus is on the people here and preparing for college and such. The first set of my friends leave in ten days. It's insane. Included in this group are like two people that I probably talk to the most, and my boyfriend. So this'll be a tough two weeks. I've still got like a week and a half after they leave before I do though. So I'm thinking that'll be my time to pack and get all prepped. I am excited however. I've been emailing one of my roommates and she seems really cool. I also got the course catalog and stuff, and I'm figuring out some possible classes and stuff. Which is all really exciting. The whole personal/intellectual growth side to this is quite cool. And the freedom. But there's so much I don't wanna leave now. I've got quite a bit on my mind. And trying to tie off some loose ends and such before I leave as well. I made a list today of stuff I need to do before I leave. So many lists as of late. Weird weird. I'm in a weird place right now, cause a lot needs to be worked out, and a lot has been avoided, and time's catching up with us. And right now I'm kind of in a state of suspended something. I don't really know what it is. But anyway, I'm awaiting some resolution. This is so strange. But anyway, it has been a good summer. Insane, but really good. And this weekend's been cool. I've gotten to hang out with people I haven't done stuff with in awhile, and it's been really nice. I just can't believe that it's actually nearing this time.


© 2002
robinly@erols.com

est. July 1998
version 2 Oct. 1999
version 3 April 2002