So since the last time.... Hmm, well there was Sarah's birthday party/treasure hunt deal, which was freakin' awesome. A week ago? We had to follow planted clues to the cake. The first took us to Clarke's famed parking space at the movie theater. The next was the greatest: "Get some HUGS and KISSES from a major religion". Meaning go to XandO and get the clue from Christian. Quality clues. I think there were 9 total. Clarke's dog and a talking scooby doo toy were involved too. The last clue: "This is where babies are frozen". And in the freezer, the cake and a frozen doll with "version 2.0" taped over its eyes. Creepy creepy. It was awesome though. We wanted a little kid type party, so there were party hats, we had a pinata, then watched Aladdin. Good stuff. It was quality planning. There's been much quality planning as of late. Like this weekend, though all very last minute.
But before that, Thomas randomly came into town Thursday, which was cool though he left early. I'm in such a weird place. Yesterday was an insightful one though. Wrote myself into feeling very much one way, gave him a call and was left feeling quite the opposite. There's a big split, there always has been, and it's time I see it more. Anyway, too complicated. I've been very antisocial lately. Just around people who aren't the people I see everyday. Partially cause I've been tired, and a lot cause I'm so preoccupied with thinking about this stuff and feeling a bit less than normally happy.
But this weekend. Friday night we decided we were gonna throw a pseudo dinner party at Ana's. So we made up a guest list, made up a menu (what weird kids we are). The next day Ana and I worked, so it was left to Clarke, Sarah and Kathy to do the cooking and calling. Except they didnt' call and just cooked, which worked out fine. So now we have to do a larger thing later. Anyway, it was really cool. Lots of good food and wine and fun. Then last night folks from work went over there. Which was cool, but started at midnight, and I was exhausted. And was just weird cause I don't know people, and as I said, antisocial. And my boss was there.... Crazy Ben and Jerry's. It's cool though. I really hope I can make enough money this summer....
And then on to today. Today was quality. No working, slept till 1. Was woken up by Clarke, who I spent the day w/ cause Christian's gone for the first time. Dun dun dun... Haha. It was a quality oldschool summer afternoon though. We went out to lunch in oldtown and did the Armand's/Bugsys pizza buffet deal, then went to record stores, including the new record store/vintage clothes, etc. place, which was cool but not air conditioned (just like clarke's car... it was in the mid 90s today). Anyway, I bought Hunky Dory (David Bowie), which I'd had on mp3 before, but am glad to now own. SUCH a good album. And then Clarke found me clothes. So I now own a scary mini skirt and a madly 60s green dress with navy trim, etc. So crazy. Need to work on the actual wearing of, but it's cool. Then he had a dr.'s apt. and I sat in the waiting room for a long time and finally read Oprah's magazine. Which disgusted me horribly at first, completely self promotional and insane, but I eventually found it to be worthwhile. Then... oh, that was earlier. We also went to a kids store where I bought stationary for London and Clarke bought a life size James Dean cutout thing. Which later scared the crap out of us. Then we went back to Clarke's house and I finally watched Donnie Darko, which is a really really odd movie, but good, and takes place right here in my county. Crazy crazy. Then I came home and ate with my parents, then went w/ Clarke and Rana to see Minority Report, which was much better than I expected, and does make you forget the plot holes, haha. We ran into four people from high school there, and it turned out we were all going to the same movie and ended up sitting together which was cool, but once again, antisocial.... So a little awkward for me and only me.
I'm going to bed, it's late. More updating later. Byebye.
"So I guess I must have just been dreaming when i thought I heard myself say no, Anyway it looks like no one heard me so here I go"~Gin Blossoms (Hold Me Down)
Friday June 14, 20021:19am(technically saturday) ~ Hooray for random guestbook signings by cool folk I don't know. That makes me happy. I've not been so good about the updating, but still better than I've been for awhile, so I'm not doing too badly. So things are going pretty good with me. I got my first paycheck of the summer today. Woohoo! Not a particularly impressive check, and certainly not much compared to last summer, but I really do feel like someone just paid me for hanging out with my friends. So that's kinda nice. Work's going well. I had my one horrible day last weekend (friday? or saturday...) when my arm got horribly cramped, I got a parking ticket, and then dented my car. That sucked a bit. It's good though. Twenty extra bucks in waffle cone sales, hahaha.
I also just got back from visiting Thomas at the beach yet again (got back yesterday evening). It was a good visit, more casual, but good. Except that he was working most of the time. Good to see him though, good to be left feeling good. And I got a quality picture of me biting him. It's very cute. I should scan that one....
After I got back, I went straight to my mom's office to meet her and head off to the Whitman Walker AIDS benefit art and articles auction. I went last year two, and once awhile ago. It was quite fun. I got some random good stuff too. It's neat to hangout with my mom in a random social atmosphere. And was cool to be with so many cool people, many of whom are now my age. It made me appreciate DC more, and made me really want a job that'll mean something. And though literature certainly effects people, so much less direct. Anyway, I'm thinking I may try to volunteer with them later on in the summer if they have spaces open up.
Speaking of which... I tried applying for yet another PBS internship, one which seemed quite perfectly made for me, but the day after I sent mine out the listing got taken down off the website, so I'm thinking I missed out on that one. Ah well. I've decided that I'll have a new weekly extra-job/activity hunt. It'll be good. See what's out there and get some extra money or productivity/usefullness of some sort.
I'm looking forward to Kurt getting into town. It'll be good to see him and have more folks to go out with. I also really wanna see Kelly more this summer, but that's tricky scheduling wise just cause people can't mix. Grrrr. But I need to work on seeing her more. Cause she's cool like that. And Sarah, cause I've barely seen her and haven't talked to her much, and Rana cause I've talked to her for about 5 minutes this whole summer. It's crazy I've been home for almost a month already. Crazy crazy. I have to work at 11 tomorrow. Blech to waking up early. Not really all that early tho. =)
Tomorrow will be my first indulgence into the free saturday concert series downtown. Cake's playing along w/ some other folks.... I should check who else. So I'll be heading down there after work. My roommate from last year's supposed to meet up w/ us too, so that should be cool. Crazy crazy. I wanna go clubbing again. I had so much fun going to that one place. I just need to go to a non-gay club sometime. Just more general clubbing. I'm such a dancing fan now. Good stuff.
I have many things I need to remember to do, so I'll go ahead and type my list up now so I don't forget to do it later.
- call up Logan about Weezer stuff
- call in prescription stuff
- buy plane tickets
- get passport
- umm...
- buy Vines tickets, Weezer tickets
- but first... check how much money I have
- pay parking ticket
Maybe that's it. We'll pretend it is. And now I'm off to bed. Yay bed.
Oh, and saw Scooby Doo tonight. Very very good. I was pleasantly surprised, cause I was worried. Go see, you'll enjoy.
*****
"And that's not petty, as cool as I am I thought you'd know this already, I will not be afraid of women, I will not be afraid of women"~Dar Williams (As Cool As I Am)
Friday, June 7, 200212:29am(technically saturday) ~ I'm sleepy. Quick update, cause of that. So since the last update, I went to my first gay club, and started my Ben and Jerry's job. Both good, haha. The job's fun, easy, relaxed, but it doesn't pay much, and since it's not paying much, and not helping me out much experience-wise, I'm not feeling so good about it. Though it's definitely good for now, and good for weekends, etc. So I'm looking for more things now. Also, just feeling like I need to be taking on more of a role in going out and doing things, and finding another job might be able to be that for me.
I've been a bit down this week. I think mostly cause I haven't talked to Thomas much since I saw him last week, and I've been making unreturned efforts. Which sucks a whole lot. He's gonna be here sunday though, which is cool, then I'm hoping to go to the beach for a few days. We shall see. I guess not hearing from him much just makes me feel confused about our place again. And making unreturned efforts leaves me on the worse end of things. After my last update, I finally talked to him, and it made me feel so much better, and did reconfirm that I was thinking about things right. After that though, I still wasn't getting any effort, and that confused me. But oh well, we'll see. It'll be good to see him.
So now I wanna find something interesting to be doing here. Something related to things I can and want to do. And I want people who aren't here yet to be here, so things can pick up and get more interesting. And more going out.
Work's good though. Today was my first full-length shift. I liked the people I worked with today a lot. Yesterday was a bit demoralizing however. Nothing bad though, but yeah. I've already seen a lot of people I know too though, which is neat. Including the mother of a friend of mine who I haven't seen in years, so now I've got her address and all. That was really neat. And a kid from my church, and my 9th grade bio teacher.
Now I'm off to bed though, cause I'm pooped. A quote to leave you with though, from the book I'm reading:
To her a commitment to non-monogamy was not about a license to fuck around. It was a principled recognition that desire to bein the company, and yes, even in the arms of someone else, as not a negation of their bonds. Starting from love, the issue then was not whether or not to act on desire for someone else but first and foremost the meaning of that desire in relationship to one's primary bond. Would acting on that desire diminish the primary bond. Would it enhance the individual's growth and therefore impact positively on this bond or would it lead to trouble and conflict. She was concerned with ethics and the meaning of life. While he could believe that she could accept him fucking other women (after all she was so strange in her ways), he was not sure how he would feel if she was with someone else. Both of them believed in the importance of individual autonomy. Her vision of their love was one of mutuality and partnership. Although he tried, he never really shared that vision. From the beginning in his heart he believed it would never work. He believed ther ewas no such thing as "free love," everything had its price.
Wounds of Passion: A Writing Life bell hooks
Something that needs some pondering.
*****
"It's such an icy feeling, it's so cold in Alaska"~The Velvet Underground (Stephanie Says)
Monday, June 3, 20021:16am(technically tuesday) ~ So, sketchy sketchy. What a bastard. Everyone's got their shit, take it out somewhere else, I've got my own stuff to deal with.
Speaking of which.... Today sucked so much goddamn ass. I just felt crappy all day. Started with being woken up at 9:30 so I could do something that took a whole minute, then sleeping on the couch through many interruptions until 1, then feeling pathetic. I'm mostly feeling crappy cause I haven't talked to Thomas in awhile, and I'm always weird after I see him, and needing that. Called him twice yesterday to no avail, and then want to call him more, but end up just feeling like it would be too pathetic. Very frustrating. But I've been here before. So I'm back to the days of random crying and shit and blah blah blah. Still not as bad as a few years ago. That's always nice. I don't feel like I can call myself depressed, cause it's not as bad as that was.
Life right now is weird. Anyway, going out tonight was helpful. I had fun, though we didn't do much. I'm very jealous of Clarke right now =) He's got exciting things going on. We started planning out the music video we're making though. That's gonna be insanely silly. I'm also really glad that there's people I haven't hung out with yet, people who are still due to arrive in town. I want things to pick up, I wanna go out go out. I'm giving my friends missions to do this. Hehe.
Yesterday was Eileen's birthday. That was cool. She had lots of family over and a few of us showed up and ate food and ice cream cake. You can see her pictures from it here. That'll work until she puts up new ones....
Oh, and I start work on wednesday, how freaky. We were originally scheduled to start w/ 6 hour shifts on the weekend of the waterfront festival. Bad bad idea. So now we get two earlier shifts on top of that to prepare us. The weekend'll be good for extra money making though. So that's good.
Ah, and... I started two books yesterday. In attempts to be productive, reclaim my identity, get undepressed and do stuff. Hehe, that didn't work. But it's good. It'll get there. Yesterday afternoon I started The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe, and then last night I started Wounds of Passion: A Writing Life by bell hooks. I think I'll be focusing on the latter mostly for now though. I got a new cd today too. Well, not new in general, but to me.... NOFX, Punk in Drublic. Yay. Ok, that tis all. I'm sleepy and I wanna be normal damnit. I felt so normal when I was at the beach, totally dealing well, fully comprehending the situation, it's complexities and the way through it. Maybe I've still got that idea, I just need someone to confirm it for me....
ps--added a Pablo Neruda poem. I have another poem to add, but it makes me cry too much, haha. So it's on hold. I've got more writing to add too, but that's on hold cause I'm tired right now.
*****
"Bus stop, wet day, she's there, I say,
'Please share my umbrella.'"~The Hollies (Bus Stop)
Sunday, June 2, 200212:59pm ~ Happy birthday to Eileen =) I think this is the most time I've let go between updates since the new page went up. Sorry bout that, but still... not bad on my part, hehe. I've been going everywhere crazily lately. Well, the trip home from school, the trip back to school last weekend, and then the day after I got back from that, the trip to the beach to visit Thomas, which I got back from friday. And I got a job somewhere in there.
Oberlin was fun, saying goodbye to folks was crazy since I won't see most of them for 8 months or something, and some of them for about a year and a half. And Amy's all graduated. Craziness.
After that, I delayed my trip to the beach till tuesday night so I could go to Ben and Jerry's ice cream training, haha. That's my rather lame but relaxed summer job. Though I haven't started yet, and the schedule still isn't posted yet... grr. I'm feeling a bit ridiculous, but whatever. It'll be good, give me time to do other things. I wanna take some pottery and photography classes this summer, but I haven't gotten my act together on finding out about that, so who knows. I'm still hoping the PBS internship will pull through, but who knows. Either way, I can make a little money inbetween. I'll do good career-related jobs later.... Ah well. I am working at the place of an alum, so it's quality (Jerry went to Oberlin). So ha.
Anyway, then the beach trip. It was really nice to see Thomas, it had been awhile. I was definitely nervous about seeing him, scared it would complicate things, and maybe it has... but not badly, and I had a really good time with him. Things were really pretty normal and comfortable. We always manage to still be comfortable. And I need more beach, and more him, so I'll definitely be returning before too long. Things still have the potential to be uncomplicated right now, and I want as much of that as I can get. Especially since I won't have the option of seeing him come fall semester. I guess right now it's feeling kind of like what he'd originally brought up but which I wasn't willing to do, a sort of open relationship type thing, though now without limits I guess. I'd said I couldn't do that with us still saying we were together, and now were not, and I think things have naturally fallen into somethign similar to that. How odd. It's not so bad though. I just want my closeness with him and the time and the fun and all that good stuff. And it's still there. So I'm doin ok. Although now I miss him a lot, that's what seeing him always does. I'm always left a little weird for a few days afterward. I'm gonna give him a call this afternoon tho I think. Ah, craziness.
The beach is nice. I didn't get all that sunburned either. So yay for me.
Oh, and Vivek: The Hollies-Bus Stop. The mystery has been solved! I'll email you this, cause you probly don't stop by here =)
Ok, later. Byebye.
