March 13, 2001 ~ Ugh, I don't wanna do work, so I'm turning to my webpage for procrastination once again. Woohoo! I was just realizing while putting all these pictures up that I haven't talked about people much. Right now I'm just gonna talk about Reba. Haha. She's crazy. I came back from winter break and she had a mohawk, now her head's shaved. As a result of having her head shaved, she answered an ad to be the alligator woman in this circus this guy put on here, so she stood around in a booth covered in glue in her underwear giving people very very scary looks. Ugh, I'm sleepy. And headachey. And I just took medicine, but now I just feel kinda tingly and unnatural. Very weird. I really want spring break. It's definitely time. I've been feeling so unmotivated lately. I think I'm getting a little better now. Tomorrow's pi day apparently (3.14-3/14, yeah). Anyway, they're showing Pi over in another dorm, so that's exciting i do suppose. SLEEPY!!!! My other roommate's alarm went off at 730 this morning, I don't know if it was supposed to or not, but it just kept going off, so I assumed she wasn't here and had left it set which happens, so i got up to turn it off and was half way across our room(which is pretty long) when she woke up and shut it off, so then i went back to bed, and was totally about to fall asleep, but my heart was all pounding and crazy and shit. In a very surreal exagerated way cause my head and the rest of my body was still alseep. Yeah. Hmm, I don't have much to talk about I suppose. I'm just tired and don't want to do any work. I'm about 3 classes behind in my philosophy reading. Boo to that. Ah, I sent out random federal government job applications today. None of them are particularly interesting. Boo to that. But a good paying job that would look somewhat impessive is a good thing I suppose. I just don't wanna be doing something stupid. I think I mostly just don't want to work, but eh. It's gonna suck cause after spring break there's no more break-ish things till summer. Last semester there was Thanksgiving. This is gonna be stinky. But we'll see. Last night I got really bored and didn't want to do my work so much that instead I started buying cds online. Not good. But it is. But yeah. Funny. In a bad way. I'm making no sense. It's time for me to go. Byebye. bye.
Oooh, I just remembered stuff. Well, I had a very crazy dream last night. Not really all that crazy, but very insightful I'd say, and about situtations that had not yet entered my dreams as far as I know. So that was weird. It makes sense though, cause a lot that's related to it's been on my mind lately. How you can care about someone and have it be bad to be with them, the miscommunications and different ways of viewing things that come with highly emotional situations. I've also gone back to reading old stuff. Which is always kind of strangely impacting. I dunno. Remembering some crazy stuff from last spring and the beginning of last summer. How intense and confusing that was. And how much I cared about a lot of stuff, and how frightened I was because of that, and how my attitude became so embittered and angry following what had been really empathic and caring feelings. So yeah. Alright, that tis all. Byebye.
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March 10, 2001 ~ Wow. Hmm. I dunno. It's a very different experience to have your problems and conflicts be internal rather than external. I know I've been here before but it's been awhile. For such a long time I was always really comfortable with who I was, and so any problems I was having were always still separate from that. It was about me and another person or me and a situation, but never just me. Anyway, I'm finding myself there again. I'm in one of those places where you keep thinking you're somewhere, and then after some time has passed you realize how far you really were from where you had thought you were. Like right now I feel like I'm just starting to get back my sense of who I am and where I want to be. And now looking back to how much of an improvement certain things in the past looked like they were, it seems so miniscule. So yeah. So I guess I just need to keep myself working on this and also keep reminding myself that it will happen and not let myself get frantic and stressed out over that. Cause that's never a good thing. Housing requests and such are due in less than a week now, and the idea that I was supposed to have somebody that I could live with next year was just kind of a shock. The girls that I hang out with now either I wouldn't get along with well enough or already have things planned out for next year, so I was just kind of left wondering how I had let three quarters of a year go by without really finding people who I have things in common with and whose company I can enjoy apart from other things. But anyway, I believe I have found myself a roommate now, and that should work out I think. I don't know her all that well, and don't know if we have that much in common, but I like her, she's nice, she's sane, and really that's all that matters. Hehe. So yeah. I don't know. I've been missing my friends a lot as of late too. Just realizing how well they know me, and how intwined they are in who I am and how I became who I am. So I guess my appreciation of them has increased while I've been thinking about all of this. And I want to go home again. Spring break's really soon. Not because I don't wanna be here. Just because I feel like I kind of need to recoop, and relax for a bit. Be somewhere where I know who I am. Winter term was insanely helpful, but now I know I'm still not there yet. But once again, much much further along. So it'll happen. I know that what I'm missing here is friends who I connect with in the way that I do with my friends from home. And I know what that is now. Weird crazy shit. I don't know. I just have to keep myself relaxed through all this. It's really easy to get kind of overwhelmed and lonely. I've got people here who I love a lot, who I can have a lot of fun with. And my daily life is pretty full and good. So yeah. But anyway, these things have been on my mind as of late. It sucks that I'm not really gonna be able to see many of my friends on break either. Never corresponds with theirs. Boo. But we'll see. My boyfriend came to visit this week. That was really nice. Seeing him of course, but also having him be here, me being myself here, having him meet all the people I tell him about and know what the place where I'm living now looks like, is like, etc. Good stuff. Well I think I'm off now. Too much work to get caught up on. I think I may be off to the gym. Heh heh heh. Funny funny. Bye.
I'm also feeling better about this page. Feeling like it's something I need to get going again. Imput from people and realizing that it's connected to a lot about myself that I need to remember.
