November 15, 2001 ~ Those crazy college newspaper editing bastards. GRRRRRRRRRR. I can't not have control over things I write. Too much of a representation of me, especially in print. That's why things in print are shitty. That's why I'm so fucking defensive and this page is a big fucking deal. But now it's why I'm updating, cause I need to have some fucking control over what is out there. Stupid bastards. So yeah, I just got an article published that in my opinion got very stupidly changed around. No more of that, stupid bastards. I still have to do my creative writing assignment and finish my Greek homework. It's late. I don't wanna. I wanna go home. Maybe I just wanna go to sleep. GRRRRRRRRR. Or do bad things to some people. This week's been filled with writing, and in an evil evil evil way. Ah well. I'm just too busy. Registered today. Not complete yet, but it shouldn't be as bad as this semester I don't think. We'll see. I'm thinking I'm not gonna have enough time to do all the things I wanted to. But oh well. I'm very unsatisified and pissy right now. This has pushed me to want to quit school and shoot people. I think I need sleep. BOO!!!
In other news, more crazy repetitive bad dreams. No good at all. I think I'm good now. I think I need to go home. And sleep forever so nothing can bother me, even tho it still does. Damn. Ok, byebye.
*****
November 3, 2001 ~ Hmm. So I'm feeling like I'm just really not where I should be right now. In a lot of ways. It's not a good feeling. I've been really off lately in a way that's really not good. When you break down crying twice in one day, something's not right. In some ways, things are really great. In the way that if my life were looked at aside from its schismed state, it would be a really great one, and in certain aspects of the way it is now. But day to day, no. My parents are here this weekend. That's been really nice. Kind of a break. Nice to get somebody's undivided attention. I talk an insane amount when that happens after not having happened for a long time. I'm wondering how much where I am now is helping me to grow in ways that I want to be growing. And there's also a lot I'd kind of rather be doing I guess. Tho moreso in conjunction with this. Ooooh ambiguity, it's so fun. I'm really tired right now. And I've gotta get up early to meet my parents for breakfast and see them off, so that's no good. I'm also in the process of getting unsick and very busy/stressed right now, so maybe that's a big part of it, but not really. I feel like my perspective on my situation has recently been widened, which I think is a good tho disturbing thing. BLECH. Sometimes I'd just like to sleep a whole lot. I've been having horrible dreams lately though, so maybe that's not the best idea. Anyway, I should try to think of ideas for writing a play, or make myself learn some greek. woo. byebye.
