Bob, now that I have you in my life I no longer feel the pain that I used to. I no longer have to make those excuses to family and friends to how I got the black eye, or the bruises up and down my arms or on my face, I no longer have to make excuses for the broken finger I once got from a drunken now ex-husband.

I No Longer Feel The Pain....With you now in my life I can now breath, I can now smile, I can now laugh, and most important I can Love again. I may still cry but they are tears of joy and happiness. I know it's hard for you to understand what I have gone through, and I know you don't understand the anger I still carry in my soul, anger not given to me from you, but anger given to me from another... but after 20 years of abuse, this is all I know. It takes lots of time to heal the wounds I once carried. For an abused women one of the hardest things for her to do is to leave the abuser, And I want to thank you for being there for me, for making me open my eyes, and see what that kind of life was doing to me and my children. You opened A whole new life for me and the kids. And I know it's not easy for you to pick up the pieces of life that have been shattered, but you have done a pretty darn good job. You have showed the kids that love does exist! And it exists in us... The love you show to me and the kids is something we never knew until now. I want to thank you Bob for LOVING me and the children it really does take a special man to do all you have for me and the kids. I know it's not easy to take another mans children in under your wings, but you have done it without a blinking your eyes. You have showed us what the word FAMILY means, and I want to thank you for that also. A special note for any woman or man who reads this, If you are being abused physically or mentally you too can get out. There is a whole new life out there waiting for you. Don't ever believe that it is your fault. I was told many times that I brought the abuse on myself, That if I would of just kept my mouth shut it would of never happened. This is no excuse for any man to hit a woman. I was told over and over from my ex-husband that no one would love me, no one would love my kids. That I could not make it without him......I am proof that I did make it without him...I am proof that someone does love me AND my children...I can now enjoy life as a woman and not as one scared to even speak in her own home. I have found Happiness, I have found JOY, AND I HAVE FOUND LOVE, and I found it in you Bob!
In one out of every six marriages the wife is physically abused. Every fifteen seconds a women is battered in the United States. Daily, four American women lose their lives to their husbands or boyfriends, equaling more than one-third of all female homicide victims (WAC 55). These numbers report that too much violence is directed toward women. In a nation that detests racism, that protests animal credulity, why are women and children, still subject to torture and violence in our own homes at the hands of our husbands and fathers that "love" us? In a "politically correct" world too many of us still view women and children as inferior, as property. The media portrays women as sex symbols and often with a very noticeable lack of intelligence. Often doctors turn their backs on damage left as the result of abuse because of the fear of embarrassing their patients (WAC 55). All I ask is that you, the everyday citizen, evaluate your actions during your normal day and judge the message that those actions portray as O.K.. Even though you may not experience violence in your home, society needs to change it views of and its acceptance of belittling of women. As you laugh at a sexist joke ask yourself why it is all right to belittle women or as you use words such as "bitch," ask yourself why you used a word that is derogative towards women. As you watch a Western that shows a women enjoying being raped, such as the High Plains Drifter, think about the message that sends children about the gender roles of society. As responsible citizens we need to realize that every choice we make has a message it sends to others about what we view as socially acceptable. We need to be more careful in the messages we send to our children. Children that are raised in houses where abuse is present are five times more likely to become batter's or victims in their adulthood (WAC 56). They learn to accept violence as a way of life and do not see a way to change the pattern. We need to find a way to screen children for violence in their homes. These children need to grow up safe even if it means placing them in a foster home. If each one of us reports cases of child abuse or domestic violence when we suspect them or they are brought to our attention then maybe the earlier intervention will help these children get a chance for security. The cycle of violence can be stopped through teaching people new ways to think such as anger management, social awareness and of course insuring that all of our children have a healthy self esteem. By making the end of the cycle top priority, together we may be able to save our daughters and granddaughters from living through the above scene. I pray there will be a day that all people feel safe in their own homes. WORKS CITED WAC; Women's Action Coalition Stats: The Facts About Women. The New Press 1993 pg 55 Joy L Reed, 1997 all rights reserved by the author

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