1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
21. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
22: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
23. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
25. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
26. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
27. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
28. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
29. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
31. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
32. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
33. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
34. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
35. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
36. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
37. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
38: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
39. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
40. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
41. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
42. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
43. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
44. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
45. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
46. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
47. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
48. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
49. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
A2: So they know when to stop having sex!
50. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
51. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
52. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wonderingwhat she did with her pencil.
53. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag)?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
54. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
55. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
56. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
57. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.
58. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
59. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
60. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
61. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
62. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
63. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
64. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the ToothFairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gumwrapper.
65. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
66. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
67. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
68. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
69. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
70. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hitsthe ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
71. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
72. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
73. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
74. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
75. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
76. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
77. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
78. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
79. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
80. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
81. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
82. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
83. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
84. Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
85. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
86. Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
87. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
88. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
89. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
90. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
91. Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
92. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
93. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
94. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
95. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
96. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
97. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
98. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
99. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
100. Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.