342. Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
343. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.
344. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Their heads always get stuck in the jar.
345. Q: Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
346. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
A: That's where you wash vegetables.
347. Q: What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
A: You can park in a handicapped zone.
348. Q: Why dont blondes get coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to re-train them.
349. Q: What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common.
A: You often hear about them, but you never see one.
350. Q: Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.?
A: Because they can't spell it.
351. Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: None, they're all true.
352. Q: What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have?
A: Artificial intelligence.
353. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.
354. Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
355. Q: How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof?
A: Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
356. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
357. Q: What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan?
A: I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly.
358. Q: What's the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
359. Q: Why did the blonde freeze in the winter?
A: Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season.
360. Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
A: Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter.
361. Q: How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?
A: With a tire gauge.
362. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
363. Q: What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident?
A: I'll go and call 911, what's the number?
364. Q: What's a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air?
A: Collecting her thoughts.
365. Q: What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other?
A: An air mattress.
366. Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
367. Q: Why do blondes wear a ponytail?
A: To hide the valve stem.
368. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
369. Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Give her a pack of M&M's and ask her to alphabetize them.
370. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100; 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M&M's.
371. Q: What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
372. Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.
373. Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
374. Q: What is the mating call of a blonde?
A: I'm soooo drunk!
375. Q: What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
A: I said, I'm drunk!
376. Q: What is the mating call of a brunette?
A: Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet?
377. Q: Why do blondes always fail driver's tests?
A: Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.
378. Q: What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date?
A: If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!
379. Q: What does a blonde use for birth control?
A: Brown hair-dye.
380. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
381. Q: What are the first two things that a blonde does in the morning?
A: 1. She introduces herself. 2. She goes home.
382. Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. The first blonde said, You know, those look like deer tracks. The other blonde said, No, silly, those are moose tracks. They were still arguing about it when a train hit them.
383. A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing her jigsaw puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said 2-5 years.
384. One day, two blondes were driving to Disneyland. As they passed through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway that said, Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went home.
385. A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were all walking down the street. All of a sudden, they saw a $10 bill lying on the ground. Luckily for the dumb blonde, she was able to get to the money first, her friends didn't exist.
386. Blondes are too biased. It's always, Buy us this, buy us that!
387. I once knew a suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hands.
388. On a hot summer day, an angry blonde woman was brought into the hospital with severe burns on her mouth and lips. When the doctors asked her what had happened, she said that she had caught her boyfriend with another woman, so she had tried to retaliate by blowing his car up.
389. Once upon a time, there was a blonde who had six young boys, all of whom she named 'Jimmy'. One day, her aunt asked, Why did you name all of these boys 'Jimmy'? The blond said, So I can keep track of 'em. The aunt gave her a wild look. So you can keep track of 'em? How the heck can you do that when they're all named 'Jimmy'? The blonde looked at her aunt, shrugged and said, No problem, I just call them by their last names.
390. A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, YOU DUMB BLONDE, I OWN THE @$#&! ICE RINK!
391. Q: What's black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch?
A: A brunette that told too many blonde jokes.
392. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.
393. Q: How does a blonde confuse you?
A: She tells you she did.
394 Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
395 Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.