271. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
272. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
273. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
274. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
275. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
276. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
277. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
278. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
279. Did you hear about the blonde who:
1 had more on her body than on her mind?
2 was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
3 took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
4 got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
5 was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
6 7 had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
8 thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
9 was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
10 after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
11 went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
12 brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
280. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
281. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby concieved ?" "He was on top ", she replyed. "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed. The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply. "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor. With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears. "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies ?".....
282. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
283. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
284. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"
285. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
286. Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
287. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
288. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow in her ear.
289. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
A2: To keep her neck warm
290. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
291. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
292. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
293. Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
294. Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
A: Rebel without a clue.
295. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?
A: Full.
296. Imitation of a blonde refuelling.. (Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
297. Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES BREAST-FEED THEIR BABIES?
A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
298. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL 10 BLONDES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL?
A: AIR POCKETs.
299. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
300 Q: What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute and her four blonde friends?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
301. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
302. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.
303. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
304. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refriderator cold.
305. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
306. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
307. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
308. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
309. Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.
310. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
311. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
312. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
313 Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
314. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
315. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
316. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
317. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
318. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
319. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
320. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...
321. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
322. Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
323. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
324. Q: How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
325. Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: Both are empty from the neck up.
326. Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row?
A: A wind tunnel.
327. Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.
328. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
A: Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.
329. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
330. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.
331. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
332. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
333. Q: What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill!
334. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
335. Q:How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer?
A: There'll be white-out on the screen.
336. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to put information into a computer once.
337. Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
338. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off of a cliff.
339. Q: How does a blonde do a High-Five?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
340. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To try and catch everything that's over their heads.
341. Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.