Veroni: Well folks, time for the fun to begin again!

Tugger: Clear the way for his Tugger-ness.

Dem: His ego is NEVER going to be the same after this stupid parody.

Veroni: Pardon me? STUPID?

Dem: I meant-- uh, Bomb? What did I mean?

Bomb: She meant... Stupendous!

Cori: I've tried that excuse before- doesn't work.

Dem: Dang.

Tugsalot blows into town just in time for the annual Spring festivities and we enter back into the action with a giddy little production number in full swing.

Jenny:

Tra-La! It's May!

The lusty month of May!

That lovely month where everyone goes blissfully astray!

Tra-La! It's here!

That shocking time of year!

When tons of wicked little thoughts merrilly appear!

Tugger: So they use a month as an excuse to go prancing around the countryside in a magnificent poof of sexual tension?

Veroni: Yes and that is absolutly the most appauling thing you could have said.

Dem: Not really.. he could have burst into another chorus of "C'est--

Veroni: Don't say it!

Thoroughly exausted from prancing about, the merry company settles down for a picnic and our leading lady discovers that her husband is rather late.

Jelly: Just like a male!

What has ACTUALLY held up our King has a rather unfortunate run-in, (literally RAN INTO) with Tugsalot who believes this man to be an impolite wretch of a peasant. They have a sword fight, (and since I know very little about what a sword fight is supposed to involve, our two male leads just start chopping at each other aimlessly with the swords). Tugsalot comes out on top and he hauls the 'peasant' into the picnic by the scruff of his neck---

"I have brought a very impolite man in here for you to verbally assault and otherwise chastise your majesty!" he said triumphantly to Jenaviere, (who has taken a dislike to this guy cuz he's so incredibly arrogant--- which we later find out seems to turn her on, but whatever). She explains as patiently as she can that this 'wretch' is in fact the King and Tugsalot appologises profusely...

"Eah! King... Peasant... All the same to me."

Veroni: What part of 'appologising profusely' don't you understand?

They sort out the rather *ahem* large misunderstanding just in time for a new supporting character to stumble onto the stage to have a look around.

"Now.. That over there's France and to the East of that is England... Wait to the East of that is ocean, so all I can figure is.."

"Sir?" Munkurthur approaches the frazzled old cat with a rusty suit of armor slapped haphazardly on his body. "Can we.. um, help you?"

"Eh? Ah! I am King Gusinore from the Kingdom of... The Kingdom of... Well to be honest with you, I'm not quite sure what I'm King of. You see, I seem to have misplaced my Kingdom."

"You're in Catsalot, your uhm... Highness." Jenivere tries to say without laughing.

"Catsalot, eh?" Gusinore looks around in recognition. "I speant some time visiting here from my Kingdom back in my youth."

"This was pre-loss of said Kingdom, right?"

As they try to sort things out, we skip ahead and just give you what I will call a Cliff's Notes Copy of the Events. Gusinore speant time in Catsalot while Deuterlin was still up and around and Munkurthur was still taking lessons from the great Druid. Also turns out that Deuterlin had a handy skill of making Munkurthur into whatever animal he felt like, (this seems trivial, but BELIEVE me it matters later in this show).

"Ey! I remember now!" Gusinore smiles. "You're Wart!"

(Cats point and laugh once more about Munku's little nickname--- and if looks could kill!! *g*)

"I'm also the King here, now Gusi." Munkurthur threw in to silence the mockers.

"You know... I always liked you better as a man. Not that you didn't make a very cute little rabbit, (see what I mean by the references??) but," Gusinore turns to the group. "I had a feeling he was mixing with some pretty funny bunnies."

Lec: Cute. But I have a hard time believing you came up with that joke on your own.

Veroni: So I lifted from the actual script! It's one of my favorite jokes.

"Won't you stay with us now, Gusi? Since you can't seem to find your Kingdom, we'd be more than happy to have you stay here in Catsalot with us." Munkurthur extends his paw to welcome his old friend. Gusinore misses the paw and proceeds to shake paws with a nearby lamppost, (which I know that they didn't have in the Middle Ages, but do you really expect historical accuracy in a parody?).

"My goodness. Have you lost weight? And your paws are so cold!" Gusinore says to the post.

Lec: And the thing of it is that Gus doesn't have to reach very far to find this character.

Jelly: (overhearing) *Gasp!* Young Lady! Respect your elders!!

Jemi: *giggles* Even when they do that? (points to Gus, who is still acting amazingly well-- opposite the lamppost, which he seems to be taking a liking to.)

Jelly: Uh-oh.. um, Gus?

Veroni: Okee, circumstances seem to dictate that there is to be a skipping ahead in the plot right about now....

Later at the picnic, Lady Jenivere slips out to trick the other knights into a joust later on with Tugsalot to see who is the most virtous knight, (and if they happened to knock off Tugsalot in the process-- so much the better).

"Sir Admetaden?" she called the first knight to her and started singing in earnest.

Jenny:

Do you recall the other night

That I distinctly said you might

Serve as my escort at the next Jellicle Ball?

Well, I'm afraid there's someone who

I must invite in place of you

Someone who plainly is beyond them all!

That French Tom's power is more tremendous than I have seen in one and all!

And when a Tom is that tremendous he should take me to the Jellicle Ball!

Admetus:

Your majesty, let me tilt with him and smithe him!

Don't refuse me so completely I implore!

Oh give me the opportunity to fight him!

And Gaul will be divided once more!

Jem: Veroni, this is making zero sense.

Veroni: FINE! Once again I have to be Arthurian Legend interpreter! Gaul is the old word for France, and since Tugger is from--

Tugger: HEY! That was mean!

Veroni: And tilt is an old word for fight and stuff like that. Better?

Jenny: Alright already! Let's just get back to my song, eh?

Jenny: You will bash and thrash him?

Admetus: I'll smash and MASH him!

Jenny: You'll give him trouble?

Admetus: He will be rubble!

Jenny: A mighty whack?

Admetus: His skull will crack!

Tugger: I could take Admetus.

Admetus: You wanna say that to my face?

Veroni: GENTLEMEN!! Er, GENTLETOMS!!! Please!

Jenny: Then you can take me to the fair. (he leaves) Sir---

Veroni: For the sake of compressing what I fear could become quite the long song, let's just say they all follow the same kind of thing when the queen calls them to her.... One more ticked off than the last.

Tugger: BRING IT ON THEN!!!!

Veroni: Down boy...

Jelly: Feel the testosterone in the room.

The day of the joust arrives and our toms are in fine form indeed. They prep for jousting aboard their mighty steeds--- hang on. Since we can't have horses on our stage very easilly, we'll do what they do in summer stock theater--- Air jousing.

Tugger: S'cuse me?

Veroni: Just take these long poles and run really fast at one another with them.

Admetus: I don't desire to become shishkebob here, Veroni.

Veroni: Oh! I'll have cute little shields for you guys to use, don't worry!

Plato: When she says, "Don't worry" I DO!

The joust begins with our royalty sprawled on their thrones high above the battlefield. The first victim, er, opponent for Tugsalot is Sir Admetaden. They do a little run around the stage and charge at full speed. Admetaden is felled and he limps off. Next up is Sir Tumblemore, who is also summarilly squashed by Tugsalot. Third up is Sir Platinel. They prepare to fight and this time, Tugsalot runs his long pole straight through his opponent.

Cats: Ouchies!

Plato: Yeah. No kidding.

Admetus: I hate to sound like I said I told you so about the shishkebob thing, but... "I told you so!"

Tugsalot is shocked that he has taken a life. He races to the corpse in extreme agony and remorse---

Tugger: So I felled a background cat. There are always more where he came from.

EXTREME REMORSE!!!

Tugger: Oh! Oops! Sorry! (goes back to blubbering over the dead body)

"LIVE! You must LIIIIIVE!!!!!!" Tugsalot begins weeping and screaming uncontrollably.

"He's gone, Tug." the King approaches and prepares to lay his robe over the dead body.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!" he bellows into the dead knight's mouth and begins pounding the guy's back.

"He's dead." Jenivere begins to sob a little, but to everyone's amazement, Sir Platinel begins to convulse and breath once more. "Okay, a gal can be wrong from time to time."

Anyone with half a medical minded brain who can do basic CPR knows what happened here, but since we're talking about the dark ages here, they believe that only god can do what Tugsalot has done. Jenivere, as a result, finds herself irresistably attracted to this heroic Tom, (thus, the conflict of this whole thing). The people of Catsalot demand that for this deed of godly strength, Tugsalot should be knighted. Everything is proceeding according to plan until Munkurthur begins to sense a change in his wife. She is spending more and more time with Tugsalot.

Munku: Is my character blind?? He only SENSES something's wrong?

Veroni: He's in an extreme case of denile.

Jem: What? He's in an Egyptian River?

Veroni: Never mind.

Munku:

How to manage a queen...

Mark me well, I will tell you, sir.

The way to manage a queen is to love her...

Simply love her...

Merely love her...

Love her...

Love her...

Jenny: *sigh* How beutiful...

(Toms gag)

Veroni: LET HIM FINISH!!!

"What's wrong Jenny? Where are you these days? I don't understand what you are thinking... But no matter, Deuterlin told me once, 'Never be too disturbed if you don't understand what a queen is thinking... They don't do it very often...'"

Toms: Now that sounds more like it!

Queens: HEY!

Munku:

How to manage a queen

Mark me well, I will tell you, sir.

The way to manage a queen

Is to love her..

Simply love her..

Merely love her..

Love her..

Love her.....

He finishes up and Jenivere re-enters the room so they can finish preparing to knight Tugsalot.

Tugger: Time for my big scene!

That night at the ceremony, the love his wife is feeling for Tugsalot shows plainly to Munkurthur. He however decides not to mess up what is supposed to be a night of celebration and knights his rival for Jenny's attention. There is a great amount of cheering for Tugsalot and Jenny is particularly nice to the Frenchtom. After the cerimony, Jenny retreats to her chamber to sort out the wicked thoughts she has had over the past few weeks. She is appauled at herself and begins sobbing and does what someone does when their heart is breaking in a musical--- sings.

Jenny:

Before I gaze at you again

I need a time for tears

Before I gaze at you again,

May hours turn to years.

I have so much forgetting to do

Before I try to gaze again at you.

Stay away until you cross my mind barely once a day

Stay away until I wake and find I can smile and say

That I shall gaze at you again

Without a blush or qualm

My eyes will shine like new again

My manner poised and calm

No sign of fear--- not even a sigh

And so till when we gaze again... goodbye

Goodbye...

Goodbye...

Tugger: I echo those sentiments--- time for a break and

(sings a few notes)

Goodbye...

Veroni: TUGGER! I didn't dismiss, (notices all the cats have fled). *sigh* Never mind. But just wait to see what I have for you guys in the second act!