Backstage, Matt is fretting that Macavity has disappeared, as he is needed for the finale. Then the phone rings.

Matt: Hello?

Phone Voice (female): Yes, this is Kelly from Pretty Kitty Groomers. A very weird-looking cat with an all-black mane...covered in hair gel...just came in, hissing up a storm!

Matt: HE'S OURS! Could you please bring him back?

Kelly: Sure, but it'll cost ya.

Matt: Oyyyyyyy.....

(So anyway, Pretty Kitty Groomers return Macavity. The delivery person is scratched beyond belief, and has attached a note to Mac's collar: DON'T BRING HIM BACK! For their labor and dealing with Mac's bad attitude, it sets Matt back $150.)

Mac: Rats. Foiled by humans. That's the last time I voluntarily go to the groomer's.

Matt: OK, Macavity's back. Places everyone! Mungojerrie, keep an eye on him...

Mungo: Right, Boss!

*ACT TWO*

(We are back inside Gusnik's. Seymunku and Audrumple are taking orders like mad, and Gusnik is rolling in dough. Audrumple II is bigger and plumper...)

Mungo: Much like the guy inside the costume.

Bustopher: I beg your pardon!

(...but all is not right. After the shop closes, Seymunku decides to show Audrumple his new threads...Orin Mac's black leather jacket. She screams, and he throws it in the trash.)

Alonzo (from inside trash can): Hey, watch it, will ya? I'm tryin' to sleep! It's hard with all those high notes Rumple hits!

Munku: What's wrong?

Rumple: It's Orin...they say 'e's disappeared!...they suspect foul play.

Munku: Would it be so bad if something happened to him?

(Seymunku goes on to tell Audrumple that he looked beneath her skimpy outfits and injuries...and saw a girl he truly respected. And naturally, he breaks into song.)

Munku:
Lift up your head, wash off your mascara.

Here, take my Kleenex, wipe that lipstick away.

Show me your face, as clear as the morning.

I know things were bad, but now they're OK.

Suddenly Seymunku is standing beside you,

Don't need no makeup, don't have to pretend,

Suddenly Seymunku is here to provide you

Sweet understanding, Seymunku's your friend...

Backstage queens: Awwww, what a sweetie....

Backstage toms: *gagging noises*

Rumple:
Nobody ever treated me kindly.

Daddy left early, Momma was poor.

I meet a tom and I follow him blindly.

He'd swipe his claws at me, I'd say sure...

Suddenly Seymunku is standing beside me...

(increases in volume)
HE DON'T GIVE ME ORDERS, HE DON'T CONDESCEEEEND...

Skimble: Owww, my ears!

Pouncival: Watch the volume, Rumpleteazer!

Misto: The Pollicle dogs down the block could probably hear that note.

Rumple: (continues song)
Suddenly Seymunku is here to provide me

Sweet understanding, Seymunku's my friend!

Munku: Tell me this feeling lasts till forever. Tell me the bad times are clean washed away!

Rumple: Please understand that it's still strange and frightening for losers like I've been, it's so hard to saaaayyyy...

Skimble: Decibels down, Rumple!

Rumple: Suddenly Seymunku...

Munku, Dem, Bomb and Tant: Suddenly Seymunku...

Misto: Now how did the doo-wop queens know when to come in? THAT isn't part of my magic act!

Rumple: He purified me...

Munku, Dem, Bomb and Tant: He purified you

Rumple: Suddenly Seymunku...

Munku, Dem, Bomb and Tant: Suddenly Seymunku...

Rumple: showed me I caaaaaaaan...

Munku: Yes you caaaaaaaan...

Skimble: I can't take any more of this. I've heard train whistles that sound better!

Matt: Quit your whining, Skimble. Or you're out of the production.

Skimble: Really?

Matt: No. You only have a small solo. Wouldn't be worth it.

Rumple and Munku: Learn how to be more the girl that's inside me (you), with sweet understanding, Seymunku's my (your) maaaaan!!!!

(They gasp for air, then they kiss.)

Backstage Cats: Awwwww.

(Jennyanydots, Jellylorum, and Victoria are all in tears. Pouncival, Tumblebrutus and Carbucketty all gag.)

Munku: Jeez, Rumple, lay off the sardines before we do a kissing scene next time!

Rumple: Well 'scuse me guvna!

Matt: You're still on....(throws paws in the air)

(Blackout. We go back to the flower shop. Seymunku is walking on air now that he has the girl he loves, but doesn't see Gusnik come in.)

Gus: Ya love her madly, don't you, shlemiel?

Pouncival: SHLEMIEL?!

Matt: Yeah. If Gus used the real line, he'd blow the PG rating.

Gus: I knew you loved her...but how far you went...the depths to which you sunk...vat you did to her boyfriend...AN AXE MURDERER!...look on dis, little red dots all over the linoleum.

Munku: I...I...I...chopped him up, but I DIDN'T KILL HIM!

(At this, Audrumple II comes to life, and sings to the audience.)

Tugger:
He's got your number now

He knows just what you've done

You got no place to hide

You got nowhere to run

He knows your life of crime...

I THINK IT'S SUPPERTIME!

(There's a second verse...but for the sake of time, let's take it to the bridge.)

Tugger:
Come on, come on, think about all those offers!

Come on, come on, your future with Audrumple!

Come on, come on, ain't no time to turn squeamish!

Come on, come on, I swear on all my spores, when he's gone the world will be yours.

(Gusnik pulls a gun on Seymunku, and demands that Seymunku lay low while Gusnik watches the plant...but first he needs to know Seymunku's secrets.)

Munku: W...well, you feed it?

Gus: Feed it what? (backs slowly into the plant, whose mouth is wide open)

Munku: Minerals...on Thursdays you should give it water...but whatever you do...

Gus: Yes...

Munku: Whatever you do........

(Gusnik turns around and sees the plant's open mouth.)

Gus: (astonished) Vat de heck is dis?

(Bustopher lowers his arms, making the plant's mouth close on Gusnik's head.)

Cass: Oh, the humanity!

Jelly: Poor Gus!

(There is a blackout.)

Gus: Oy Vey!

(Gus goes through the plant, and Tugger helps him out through the back side.)

Gus: Forget Firefrorefiddle, I think I have a new triumph!

*there is a loud crash*

Matt: What was that?

Mungo: I turned my back for a second, and Macavity disappeared?

Matt: WHAT?! This is all your fault, Mungo...guys, grease and dye his mane!

Mungo: What for?

Matt: You let Macavity get out, you're his understudy for the finale now!

Mungo: Ah crikey.

(At this, two crew members dye Mungo's mane black.)

(Back on stage, Seymunku is bombarded with offers on gardening tips, TV appearances, and the like. The first to approach him is NBC talent programming exec Pouncy Bernstein. Each offer maker sings his proposal.)

Pounce: Hey Seymunku Krelboined, you prince you, My name is Bernstein, I'm with NBC, I came down here to convince you...to do a weekly TV show for me!

(He has more lines, but due to time...we'll cut to the doo-wop queens singing the chorus)

Pounce: And for that I'm grateful.

Bomb, Tanti and Dem:
They say the meek shall inherit,

You know the book doesn't lie,

It's not a question of merit,

It's not demand and supply,

They say the meek gonna get it,

And you're a meek little guy,

You know the meek are gonna get what's coming to them by and by...

(The next one in line for Seymunku is talent agent Skip Skimble, from the William Morris the Cat agency.)

All: Ooooh, bad pun there.

Matt: I just hope SOMEONE gets it.

Veroni: (from her 'Phantom of the Parody' seat') I DID!

Mungo: (in the styling chair) YOU would!

Skimble: Forget the cable we sent you, it's nice to meet me the pleasure is yours, now let my firm represent you, we want to book you on lecturing tours, college campus, Rotary club, the kind of bookings my office can do, show the plant then talk, answer questions, it's educational, lucrative too!

(The queens sing the chorus one more time, and the next in line is Mrs. Lec, from 9 LIVES Magazine. Since I don't remember what she says, we'll move on.)

Electra: Thank the Everlasting Cat!

Munku: (singing)
My future's starting, I've got to let it,

Stick with that plant, and gee, my bank account will thrive,

What am I saying, no way, forget it!

It's much too dangerous too keep that plant alive...

(Again, for compression's sake, we'll skip a few lines and cut to his decision...)

Munku:
No! No! There's only so far you can bend!

No! No! This nightmare must come to an end!

No! No! You've got no alternative, Seymunku old boy,

Though it means you'll be broke again and unemployed,

It's the only solution, it can't be avoided,

The VEGETABLE MUST BE DESTROYED!!!!!!

(gasps for air)

Jelly: Wow!

Vic: That took a lot out of him!

Skimble: By most accounts, he should have passed out by now!

(Anyway, Munku continues about how if he destroys Audrumple II, Audrumple won't love him anymore. Audrumple appears and tells him that she always loved him. They decide to get married...)

Backstage Cats: Awwwwww.

Matt: Man, you guys are softies!

(however, Audrumple II is a cruel mistress.)

Tugger: Feeeed Meeeee!

Munku: Under no circumstances.

Tugger: Feed Me!

Munku: Absolutely not!

Tugger: Feeeed Meee! I'm STARVIN'! Cut the...

Matt: PG rating, Tugger!

Tugger: ...er, crud, and bring on the meat!

Munku: I'll go and get you some nice ground round!

Tugger: You sure do drive a hard bargain.

Munku: Don't think you're getting dessert.

(Audrumple II isn't satisfied, so it inches its way over to the pay phone and calls Audrumple.)

Tugger:
Hey little lady hello

You're looking cute as can be...

You're looking mighty sweet...

Nah, it ain't Seymunku, IT'S ME!

Your friendly AUdrumple II...this plant is talking to YOU!

(Audrumple runs into the shop, as she lives right across the street.)

Rumple: Oh my Gawd...

Tugger: Yep. Believe it baby! It talks!

Rumple: Am I dreaming?

Tugger: Uh-uh, and you ain't in Kansas neither! Do me a favor and get me a drink of water, would ya?

(sings again)

COME ON AND GIVE ME A DRINK!

Hey little lady be nice!

Rumple: Do you talk to Seymunku like this?

Tugger:
Sure do, I'll drink it straight,

Don't need no glass and no ice.

Don't need no twist of lime,

AND NOW IT'S SUPPERTIME!!!!!

(Audrumple II tries to eat its namesake. Bustopher manages this by donning brown and pink gloves to make it look like the plant is digesting Audrumple. Seymunku gets back into the shop in time to see what's happening...)

Munku: Get off her. GET OFF HER!!!!

Tugger: (laughs)

Munku: Audrumple, please don't die!

Rumple: Feed me to the plant...I saw Orin and Mr. Gusnik inside.....

(So anyway, Audrumple makes this bizarre request so she can be close to Seymunku forever and finally be "Somewhere That's Green". She then dies peacefully in his arms, and he feeds her to the plant.)

Backstage queens: *crying*

Rumple: Oi'm roight here, guys. WHat're you crying about?

Vic: It's because you're de...HEY! Don't DO that!

Rumple: Wow. Oi must be a better actress than I thought!

(Back on stage, Seymunku is mourning his loss, when a strange cat walks in.)

Cori: Are you Seymunku Krelboined? I'm Coricopatrick Martin, World Botanical Enterprises. We want to get cuttings and make little Audrumple II's. Every household in America will have one. They'll be bigger than hula hoops!

Munku: Bigger...than...hula hoops?? NO! That plant's not for sale!

Cori: You're making a big mistake!

Munku (to Audrumple II): THAT DOES IT! World domination! Hundreds of you eating! It's gotta end! It's gotta stop right now! (He tries to kill the plant with a gun, rat poison, but to no avail.) YOU MAY BE ALL TOUGH ON THE OUTSIDE, BUT INSIDE THAT POD, I'LL HACK YA TO BITS! (grabs an axe and jumps inside) (there is much hissing and commotion)

Bustopher: Hey, watch it! There IS a cat in here!

(Finally...there is a winner....)

Munku: (inside plant) Nooooooo...!!!

Tugger: (laughs)

Bustopher: (makes plant spit the axe out)

Gus: Wow. Munkustrap would make one great Theatre Cat!

Matt: Hurry up, guys, get ready for the big finish!

(At this, Coricopatrick Martin and the doo-wop queens come in and take leaf cuttings from Audrumple II. The original plant is suddenly in bloom, and four buds emerge. At the center of each one is the head of the plant's victim. From left to right: Seymunku, Audrumple, Gusnik and Dr. Macavity...who is now being played by Mungojerrie.)

All:
They may offer you fortune and fame,

Love and money and instant acclaim,

But whatever they offer you, DON'T FEED THE PLANTS!

Gus: They may offer you lots of cheap thrills

Munku: Fancy condos in Beverly Hills

Mungo: But whatever they offer you

Rumple: Don't feed the plants!

All:
Look out,

Here comes AUdrumple II

Look out...

Tugger: Here I come for you

"Flower Buds" (in round): Here I come for you...

ALL:
Hold you hat and hang onto your soul

Something's coming to eat the world whole!

If we fight it we've still got a chance

But whatever they offer you

Though they're slopping the trough for you

Please whatever they offer you DON'T FEED THE PLANTS!

*END*

Matt: Well, I must say, you guys rocked. And Mungojerrie, you were a great stand-in.

Mungo: Macavity'll get his....

Bustopher: I must say, this was the most fun I've had in a long time. Quite capital. Let's go to the Senior Educational, for a few rounds on me. And Mr. Mistoffelees, that revitalization potion you gave me makes me feel like a kitten again!

Misto: I had to, guys. Otherwise he wouldn't have made that whole show inside that plant puppet.

Tugger: Hey, if the side effect is that he's paying for the grub for all of us...I'm all for whatever you used, Misto!

Matt: Come on, let's go.

Vic: Yeah, I'm starving.

Tugger: Feed Me!

Bomb: Great. Now I'll never hear the end of his saying that...

THE END

Veroni is left alone in the dark theater.

Veroni: HEY! You guys! WAIT UP!! (trips over the disguarded Audrumple II costume) Stupid thing.

(An eerie BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! echoes through the theater, seeming to originate from the costume)

Veroni: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!