VERONI: Alright guys. Break's over!

MUNKU: (walks out with a blanket over his head, covering his body) This is cruel, infeline, TORCHER!

TUGGER: Aw, stop wining! I've been dressed for awhile now, and do you see me fussing about it?

MUNKU: It's different for you! You were BORN in tight little pants. Me? I feel like I've been wrapped in celophane! I can hardly move!

TUGGER: But the kittens LOVE it...

MUNKU: (thinks for a moment) Well, that's tr--- I mean, NO! I have my dignity! (looks down at his frilly Shakespearean clothes) Okay, not MUCH of my dignity, but I have enough of it to know that I'm not doing THIS. (walks off into his dressing room)

VERONI: (storms into the dressing room and picks him up by the waist) You're coming now.

MUNKU: (clinging to the doorknob) NO!

(Sound of something going "clink, thud")

POUNCE: Oooh. That sounds bad.

JEMI: Should we go help?

CATS: (pause) NAH.

VERONI: (comes out dragging Munku by the tail) I got him.

MUNKU: (still holding the doorknob in his paw and clawing at the carpet) I'll call the ASPCA!

VERONI: (pushes him out onstage)

MUNKU: (plops down, half in character) Stupid little... Well, Tumpaul? Did you deliver the flowers?

TUMBLE: Oh yes sir.

MUNKU: Good. Is the card with them? When I get my paws on you, I'll..

TUMBLE: Yessir!

MUNKU: And you delivered them to Ms. Lane?

TUMBLE: Lane, sir? I thought they were for--- (points to Lilli's door)

MUNKU: MISS VANESSI? Oh, you drivveling idiot! Do you know what you've done?

TUMBLE: Yessir, I've loused you up, sir!

MUNKU: Don't say that word!

(Jenni swoops in, mind still in the clouds)

JENNY: Oh, Fred!

MUNKU: Now, Jenni, I can explain about the card....

JENNY: Card? What card? Was there a card?

MUNKU: (sighs with relief that she didn't see who the flowers were really for) Jenni, you know roses give me hayfe-- AH CHOO!!!

GUS: (pokes his head in) Onstage now, everyone. Good duck!

JELLY: (whispering from the wings) LUCK, GUS. LUCK!

GUS: Luck duck!

JELLY: **whimpers**

(They're about to go onstage when Hattie returns triumphantly with the card in paw)

CASS: I found the card!

MUNKU: (makes a grab for it, but Jenni gets it first) We don't have time for that now, Jenni. We have to be onstage.

JENNY: But I want to know what it says....

MUNKU: Here's what it says: "To Jenni, the only woman I've ever loved." Now let's go!

JENNY: Do you mean that?

MUNKU: (trying to pull her to the door) With all my heart.

JENNY: Well that's exactly where it's going then. Next to my heart! (she places the card down the front of her dress)

KITTENS: **giggle fit**

JENNY: (hisses and gets back into character) I'm not nervous now, and I'm not gonna woops.

POUNCE: Whoops?

TUMBLE: Whoops?

JEMI: Whoops?

VERONI: Old term for uhm.... indigestion?

POUNCE: OH!

TUMBLE: Ooooooh!

JEMI: **giggles**

(The scene changes to the set for the play. Mistofelees and Pouncival carry a sign across the stage which reads "The Taming of the Shrew" followed by our four principals)

PRINCIPALS: (sing) A troupe of strolling players are we!

JENNY: Shakespearean portrayers are we!

PRINCIPALS (again): We're just a simple band,

Who roams about the land,

Dispensing Falderal frivolity!

POUNCE: There's a mouthful....

PRINCIPALS: Mere folk who give distraction, are we!

MUNKU: No theater guild attraction, are we.

PRINCIPALS: We're just a crazy group

That never ceases to troupe

Around the map of little Italy!

We open in Venice, we next play Verona!

Then on to Cremona!

JENNY: Lots of laughs in Cremona!

PRINCIPALS: Our next jump is Parma, that dopey, mopey menace.

The Mantua, then Padua and we open again.. (speak) WHERE?

We open in Venice, we next play Verona

Then on to Cremona!

TUGGER: Lots of quail in Cremona!

PRINCIPALS: Our next jump is Parma, that heartless, tartless menace,

Then Mantua, then Padua and we open again... WHERE?

TUMBLE: I'm sensing a pattern here.

GUS: Ah, the touring life! What a lovely line of work! I remember it well! Why it was in the summer of '69 that we were on a seven month tour with....

PRINCIPALS: (wearing down) We open in Venice, we next play Verona

Then on to Cremona

ETCY: Lotsa DOUGH in Cremona!

PRINCIPALS: Our next jump is Parma, that stingy, dingy menace

Then Mantua, then Padua and we open again...

JEMI: GAH! No more! I can't take it!

ETCY: YOU can't take it?

PRINCIPALS: (supporting each other from falling over) We open in Venice, we next play Verona

Then on to Cremona...

MUNKU & TUGGER: Lotsa whor----

VERONI: END OF SONG!!!

TUGGER: But that was the fun part!

VERONI: You love tarnishing young minds, don't you Tugger?

BOMB: Ooooooh, yeah! (kisses Tugger passionately)

VERONI: By the Everlasing Cat that was WAY too much information!

(The players move into their positions as Pawtruchio takes center stage where he introduces our main characters.... Deutiste, a tom of Verona who has two daughters. One, the fair and beautiful Biancet, and the other, Caterine- a loud, obnoxious, shrew of a queen.)

POUNCE: Yeppers. That's Jenny.

(She tosses an urn of flowers at Pounce, who ducks and watches the urn put a dent in the wall behind his head)

POUNCE: Note to self. Suit of armor useful when saying anything about Jennyanydots.

(He also mentions that the fair Biancet has three suitors-- Lucentuggo, Grepouncio and Mistensio.)

MISTO: I burn.

TUGGER: I pine.

POUNCE: I itch in these tights.

VERONI: Say it right, will ya Pounce?

POUNCE: Well, it's true! I perish.

ALL THREE: Till I alone canst wed the fair Biancet!

(The town springs to life, and we focus on the three suitors, Biancet and Deutiste)

THREE: Senor Deutiste!

OLD D: Gentletoms, emplore to me no farther, for how firmly I am resolved you know. That is, not to bestow my youngest daughter before I have a husband for the elder.

CET: Ah, me.

POUNCE: (sings) I've made a haul in all the leading rackets

From which, Rip-roaring rich I happen to be!

And if thou wouldst attain the upper brackets,

Marry me! Marry me! Marry me!

BOMB: He has money... but no charm. Or looks. Hmmm.

QUEENS: NAH.

TUGGER: My purse has yet to know a silver lining,

Still lifeless is my wife-less family tree.

But if for love unending thou art pining,

Marry me! Marry me! Marry me!

BOMB: No money. Looks and love though...

KITTENS: AND HE'S TUGGER WHICH ADDS BONUS POINTS!

BOMB: True, true, true.

MISTO: I come to thee a thoroughbred patrician.

Still spraying my decaying family tree

To give a social boost to thy position,

Marry me! Marry me! Marry me!

CET: Ooooo! You don't have to ask me twice! I'LL MARRY YOU, TUGGER!!! (jumps into his arms)

TUGGER: (catches her) Oooof! Cet, we're PRETENDING here.

CET: And we'll live in a big house with shutters and a white picket fence and....

VERONI: Good grief. (peals her off Tugger) Now sing!

CET: I'm a maid who would marry, and would take with no qualm,

Any Tom, Dick or Harry. Any Harry, Dick or Tom!

I'm a maid, mad to marry and will take, double quick

Any Tom, Dick or Harry. And Tom, Harry or Dick!

JELLY: (walks in) Any tom's hairy WHAT???

VERONI: Huh? (it dawns on her) OH! Uhm, Jelly. Nuh-uh. Nothin' like that! I promise!!

JELLY: Just like that German Bar, I'm sure!!

VERONI: Alright, scrap the rest of this song. Jelly's not gonna let it go on, so don't blame ME.

(The action shifts over to Pawtruchio, who has just arrived in town to wed a wealthy queen.)

MUNKU: (sings) I've come to wive it wealthilly in Padua!

Live wealthilly, then happilly in Padua!

If my wife has a bag of gold, do I care if the bag be old?

JENNY: Oooooooooo!!!!

VERONI: Calm down, Jenny! Not yet! Not yet!

JENNY: I'll yank out his rib cage and wear it as a hat, I tell you!

VERONI: AURGH! I'm a victim of my own casting!

CET: There is one good thing here.

VERONI: And what could that possibly be?

CET: She'll never drop character on you.

MUNKU: (eyeing Jenny offstage warilly) I've come to wive it wealthilly in Padua.

GUYS: He's come to wive it wealthilly in Padua!

MUNKU: I've heard you mutter "Zoonds! A loathsome lad you are!"

I shall not be discouraged a bit, if she be but a poor two-wit.

If she only can talk of clothes, while she powders her----

VERONI: Movie lyrics here, Munku!

MUNKU: Awwwwww...

(sings) While she powders her doggone nose!

I've come to wive it wealthilly in Padua!

GUYS: He's come to wive it wealthilly in Padua!

MUNKU: I've heard you say "Gadzooks! Completely mad you are!"

Wouldn't give me the slightest shock, if her knees now and then should knock

If her eyes were a wee bit cross. Were she wearing the fur she'd lost..."

JENNY: HE IS SOOOOOO DEAD!

MUNKU: End of song for my own health's sake. (races off as Jenny storms on)

(Pawtrucio speaks with the suitors who sway him into marrying Caterine. When he says he will do it, they take him off to salute this brave and foolish man. Meantime, Caterine storms on, chasing Biancet.)

CET: Sister! Sister! Beat me not!

KITTENS: (leap to Cet's defense) LEAVE CET ALONE!!!

VERONI: We seem to be having a hard time with the concept of MAKE BELIEVE today. **sigh**

(She flies into a rage at hearing she's to be married, and all quickly flee the stage to avoid concussions)

JENNY: I hate TOMS!!! I can't abide 'em even now and then!

Then ever marry one of them, I'd rest a virgin, rather.

For husbands are a boring lot and only give you bother.

Of course, I'm awefully GLAD that mother HAD to marry father.... BUT!

I-I-I-I HATE TOMS!!

TOMS: (back up into the far wall, covering the sensitive areas)

JENNY: Of all the types I've ever met within our dem-o-cracey,

I hate the MOST the athlete with his manner bold and brassy!

He may have hair upon his chest, but sister, SO HAS LASSIE! OOOOOOH!

I-I-I-I HATE TOMS!! (knocks a stack of plates of the table with a crash) RRRRRRRAURGH!

TOMS: **gulp!**

BOMB: Blasphemer. Toms are the best thing to happen to queens since.....

JENNY: (comes flying at her) SINCE WHAT, I ASK????!!!!

BOMB: Since..... since....... (hides)

JENNY: I... Hate... TOMS! Their worth upon this Earth, I din attend!

Avoid the traveling salestom, though a tempting man he may be

From china he will bring you jade, and perfume from Araby

But don't forget, tis he who'll have the fun, and THEE THE BABY!!!! OOOOOOOhhhh!!!

I-I-I-I HATE TOMS!!!

If thou shoulds't wed a buisnesstom, be wary, OH be wary!

He'll tell you he's detained in town on business, necessary.

(Laughs angrilly) His business is the business which he gives HIS SECRETARY!

Oh, I-I-I-I HATE TOMS!!!

JELLY: She could be scarring the kittens to toms for life! What will become of our society?

KITTENS: (watching Jenny in fascination)

JELLY: Veroni, if these kittens come out tom-despising shrews, it'll be on YOUR head!

VERONI: (remembering the kitten's display of "affection" for Tugger in the past) I wouldn't worry.

JENNY: I HATE TOMS!! Though roosters, they, I will not play the hen!

If you should spouse an older tom through kitten's optimism,

He'll always stay at home, in bed, and make no criticism.

Though you may call it love, the doctors call it RHEUMATISM!!!

OH I-I-I-I HAAAAATE TOMS!!! GRRRRRRAAAA!!! (tosses several empty tankards at the orchestra)

From all I've read alone in bed from "A" to Zed about 'em.

If love is blind, then from the mind,

All female-kind should ROUT 'em.

KITTENS: (nodding, transfixed) We hate toms.... we hate toms....

JELLY: See what you've done, Veroni?!

VERONI: (smiling) Wait.... just wait.... (motions for Tugger to walk by the kittens as Jenny delivers the final lines of her song)

JENNY: But, ladies, you must answer, too

What would we do without them?

KITTENS: (catch sight of Tugger) OOOOOOOO!!!!! MARRY ME, TUGGER!!!!! (they run off)

JENNY: STILL I-I-I-I HAAAAATE TOMS!!!!! RRRRRRRRAUGH! (flies in a mad rage at the back curtains and tears them down)

VERONI: Eh-oh.

JENNY: Interrupt my song, will you? COME BACK HERE SO THAT I MAY SLUG THEE!

VERONI: I vote for a group jog... away from here!!

TUGGER: (still running from the kittens) MORE running?

VERONI: Unless you want Jenny to do the home neuter method upon thine anatomy.

JENNY: (pulls a pair of pinking shears from her dress) Snip, snip!

TUGGER: HEEEELP!

(Jenny chases everyone off)