VERONI: I think it's about time we got this show back on the road.

(When we last left off, Vicita was giving her partner an impromptu dance lesson in the middle of the contest. After a LOT of practice, they finally are cutting a decent figure on the dance floor. By the time the required 15 minute break rolls around, they fit in pretty well among the other competitors. Munk goes off to mingle with the other guys and rest, but Vicita goes off in the opposite direction from the others. She meets up with the MC of the event, Mick Tuggelton. In a cool little plot twist, it turns out she is his wife. After a brief, but tense confrontation, Vicita heads back to the dance floor while Mick turns to his soul confidant and advisor, Mr. Gus Walker.)

MAC: The Rum Tum Tugger and Gus? Partners in crime? (starts laughing hard) Veroni, if these guys are your villians, you are in SERIOUS trouble here.

VERONI: You want to get up there and show us how it's done?

MAC: Tempting as it sounds, I'm not dense enough to fall for THAT. I wouldn't be in this parody if you offered me... a hundred catnip mice!

VERONI: How about five hundred?

MAC: (squirms a little) N-n-no.

VERONI: (to herself) I'll wear him down yet. Mark my words.

TUGGER: (sings) When I was a toddler, daddy too the strap---

MUNKU: What? I thought I had this scene off!

VERONI: STRAP. Not MUNKUSTRAP.

TUGGER: (rolls his eyes and continues) And said:

"I'm gonna teach you son, how not to grow up like a sap!"

And every time he whacked me,

This message came across,

Don't ever be an employee,

Always be the boss!

MAC: (starting to look uncomfortable) He gets a good villianous song.... (whimpers) No fair.

KNUCKLES: Ya wanted it, boss. Er, more like, ya DIDN'T want it.

MAC: (starts turning green with envy)

TUGGER: And, Walker, can't you tell?

I learned my lesson well!

When I say dance, watch 'em dance!

When I say stop, see them stop!

When I say sing, hear them sing!

Power is a wonderful thing!

MAC: That should be ME singing that song!

KNUCKLES: (pats him on the back) S'alright.

GUS: (in a heavy vibrado) YEEES boss, I agree!

You certainly overpower me!

KNUCKLES: Hey! I could do that better than him!

MAC: What happened to that, "It's alright" thing?

KNUCKLES: That's before I knew there was a good part!

MAC: (growls, then mopes some more)

TUGGER: When I say laugh, hear 'em laugh!

When I say weep, watch 'em weep!

When I want noise, bells will ring!

BOTH: Power is a beautiful thing!

VERONI: (grinning) This is working SO well....

VICKY: Who'd have thought those two could sing ANYTHING together?

VERONI: Huh? OH! Not that.... Macavity. If Tugger keeps this up, he'll have convinced Macavity to take over the part before we get to "Everybody's Girl"....

VICKY: You mean, you've planned this from the beginning? (grins)

VERONI: Isn't power great?

TUGGER: (having skipped about a verse to get to the good part) So here's the deal,

Good ol' sport,

I'm the star you support!

If I'm mad, you'll feel my sting!

GUS: I'll kneel down and kiss your ring!

NUNZIO: Been there. Done that.

TUGGER: 'Cause you're the subject, and I'm the king!

GUS: But power corrupts.

TUGGER: So I'm corruptible!

GUS: Power destroys.

TUGGER: But I'm indestructable!

BOTH: It's a fact that power is a....

PO-WER-FUL....

THIIIING!!!!!

TUGGER: (speaks) Walker, sit down.

(Mick has noticed that Munk isn't up to Vicita's level dancing-wise and decides to take his wife around the floor once or twice. A depressed Munk watches from the sidelines as the queen he loves floats around with another tom.)

TUGGER: (takes Victoria by the arms) May I have this dance?

VICKY: (giggles) Of course, Tuggy-wugsy!!!!!

TUGGER: (whimpers) Not this again. (whispers) Victoria... you're supposed to hate my guts....

VICKY: Awww, I could never do that!

TUGGER: (drops Vicky in a wriggling heap) SO not doing this....

VERONI: Good timing. (lowers her voice) Macavity has decided to graciously take over the role.

TUGGER: YIPPEE!! (catches himself as Macavity walks in) I, I mean... (puts on a fake winey voice) No fair!

MAC: Alright, you convinced me. Feel better now? (walks out onto the dance floor)

TUGGER: (walks over to Veroni) We did it!

VERONI: We sure did. Good job, Tugger!! Expect a small bonus in this paycheck.

TUGGER: Wait... you never give me a paycheck anyway!!

VERONI: (rushes off) Let's keep going!

(Vicky waltzes over to Macavity, eyes closed, unaware that he has taken Tugger's place)

MAC: (disguising his voice, singing tenderly) Dance with me, dance with me.

Hold me as we cross the floor.

Light as air, what a pair!

Tell me, could Heavyside be anything more?

Whirl around, twirl around,

Follow me and soon you'll see.

Fred and Adele never glided as well,

As we do when you dance with me.

CASS, EXY, JEMI: (sweetly) Dance with meeeee, dance with meeeee....

BACKSTAGE CATS: (stifling giggles)

LEC: This is mean! Victoria should know she's dancing with mmmmph!!

ETCY: (paw clamped over Lec's mouth) Sorry, but Vicky was asking for this.

VICKY: (floats by, eyes clamped shut) Nya-nya!! I got the Tugger!!

LEC & ETCY: (start to giggle quietly)

MUNKU: (watching, standing to the side) The last queen I'll ever love is over there.

GIRLS: Dance with meeee.....

MUNKU: Dancing in someone else's arms.

GIRLS: Hold me as we cross the floor.....

MUNKU: The last queen I'll care about is over there.

GIRLS: Dance with meeee.....

MUNKU: Oblivious, it's clear, of someone standing here.

She dazzles like a mirror in the sun!

KITTENS: (all sigh happilly, thinking he's singing to THEM personally)

GIRLS: Light as air.....

MUNKU: She must be my reward for something

Wonderful I've done!

GIRLS: What a pair....

MUNKU: The last queen I'll ever love walked in my life

The moment was strictly unrehearsed.

But the last queen I'll ever love is over there.

And the last queen.... it's amazing!

The last queen... it's astounding!

The last queen... turns out to be the first.

ALL: Dance with me! Dance with me!

(After this touching and tender moment, Mack Hamilton (see how neatly I just changed the name? Hope you're keeping score out there) signals to start a fast dance known as the Shag)

TUGGER: (laughing his head off in the back room)

JEMI: How does he know so much about Brittish-isms anyway?

VERONI: Guess we shouldn't have had him playing Spike from "Buffy.." for so long.....

VICKY: Wait.... was that Tugger?

MAC: Mmm-hmmm.

VICKY: Then who was I just-- (opens her eyes) MACAVITY!!!!

DEM: Hey! That's my line!

MAC: Surprised to see me?

VICKY: I think I just experienced my first heart attack.... how many lives do I have left now? (wanders off)

(After this intense dance number, the specialty acts begin to fill the void while the rest of the dancers recouperate. Up to bat is fellow dance marathon-er and former lumber jack camp cook, Bomby Stephens, notorious for living hard and fast-- and dancing at the same pace.)

LEC: This show is just BRIMMING with sterotype roles now..... Bombalurina once again gets the sexiest song in the show.

KITTENS: (pout)

MAC: (grabs the MC's microphone) And nooooow.... the sizzling Bomby Stephens!

BOMB: (struts up in a low cut dress)

VERONI: Oh lord. There goes the PG..... listen closely and you can just hear it dying....

BOMB: (clears her throat) A long time ago, a queenie who's name was Carmen,

Drove a tom wild until he was out of control.

I truly believe that I am a modern-day Car-r-r-r-r-men!

Inspite of the fact I do not Habla Espanol...

That girl was exactly like me,

We share this philosophy:

OLE I SAAAAAY!!!!

TOMS: (drooling)

JENNY: Oh no. Here we go... for the 434th time.

(Music starts to lurch sensually)

BOMB: I'm... not the type who's ready

For datin' someone steady.

I'm everybody's queen!

On Sunday night it's Danny,

On Monday, maybe Manny.

I'm everybody's queen!

There's a point to my behavior, which is:

Smart kitties always SHARE THEIR RICHES!!

VERONI: Oh goody. Here's a fun place to be.... suggestive lyrics.

BOMB: So if your heart succumbs, don't let it!

You're certain to regret it!

All others come and get it!

I'm everybody's queen!!

(Flaunts over to the edge of the stage and talks to the toms in the front row) I could never be a Cowhand's Queen! And you wanna know why?

TOMS: WHY??

BOMB: I just can't keep my CALVES together!!

TOMS: (whistle and (ahem) cat-call)

VERONI: Oh lord. We're sunk! We're sunk!

TUGGER: Well, if this is what sinking feels like..... I LOVE IT!!!

VERONI: (smacks him with her script)

BOMB: I'm everybody's queeeen!

Some old Greek called Aristotle said it

If you've got it, why not SPREAD it?!

So don't go rattling any sabers,

Exherting any labors

Just share me with the neighbors!

I'm everybody's queen!!!

In case your passion rages,

I'm in the yellow pages!

I'm EVERYBODY'S queen!

LEC: Jellylorum, is this what's called pressing the envelope?

JELLY: Pushing.

TUGGER: Although I'd love to PRESS Bomba close to me right about now.

VERONI: That's it! Witness me attaching the PG-13 rating to this thing now....

TUGGER: Oh, but we'd have to go a LOT farther to get to that point!

VERONI: And how exactly would you know THAT?

TUGGER: No reason. (closes his mouth quickly)

BOMB: And so to reaffirm my status,

It's absolutely gratis,

To use my apparatus!

I'M EVERYYYYYYYYYYY... BODY'S QUEEEEEEN!!!

VERONI: Someone drag her off the stage. I think I can almost see the parents of the more impressionable kitties out there dragging their younguns away from the computer screen....

(Two backstage cats hook Bomb with a long pole and start to drag her off)

BOMB: (as she's being dragged off) TOMS AND ME ARE LIKE PIANOS! (aside) Yeouch! Watch where you poke that thing... (raises her voice again) WHEN THEY GET UPRIGHT I FEEL GRAAAAAND!!!

VERONI: Now we have to take an HTML break to pick up the bits and pieces of morality left that Bombalurina didn't manage to toss into the wind.... we'll be back. Hopefully....