Author: Let's move, people . . .

The peaceful town of Junkyard . . .

Misto: Still no ideas for new names?

Author: Go change into costume and quit bothering me!

The peaceful town of Junkyard. Which was not so peaceful under the peaceful-seeming front. In fact, it wasn't peaceful at all--

All: Get to the point!

Because there were Pollicles in town. Pollicles looked like normal cats most of the time but they would suddenly wear shoeboxes on their heads and act kinda stupid just before they attacked innocent people and drained the life out of them. No one ever noticed strange cats with shoeboxes on their heads sucking the life out of other cats. Which was very strange. The people were probably in denial. Or there was some big conspiracy by the big-wigs to cover it up.

Misto: That's X-Files' territory!

Author: Yeah, but it's also goes for this show.

But that was going to change soon. The Slayer was coming to town. The Slayer was the one queen in all the world who was strong enough to fight the Pollicles. Which was a silly way to fight evil and proved that whoever set it up a long time ago didn't even have the brains of a flea cuz she was outnumbered most of the time and Slayer life expectancy was generally low. The current Slayer was a queen called Electra. She just moved into Junkyard with her Mum Jellylorum because she torched her last school to kill the Pollicles inside.

Electra: Great, just great--I've got arson on my rap sheet before this stupid story starts.

Pouncival: Far as I know, that's the real plotline . . .

Demeter: You watched the show?

Pounce: Hey, a tom's got to have some other things to obsess about! And I know that some of the other guys watch it too--

Munku: Not another word!

"New town, new life, Elly dear," Jellylorum said as they unpacked.

"New school," Electra grumbled cuz she had to start school at Junkyard High.

"We're not going to have any more trouble, are we Elly?"

"No, mum," Electra sighed. Jellylorum was unbelievably blind to her Slayer activities. (Of course, she could be in denial because most people normally get at least a clue when they find there's stakes and garlic in their kid's stuff.)

Electra looks out of her window and sings--

Electra: I *what*?

Munku: When did this become a musical?

Mac: Can't really call it a musical . . .

Munku: When this become a parody of a music--er . . .

Mac: Okay, when did this become a parody of a musical crossed with the parody of another musical?

Author: When I said so.

All: Oh.

"I turned on the lights, the TV and the radio,

Still, I can't escape the ghost of the past . . .

What has happened to it all?

I'm crazy some say,

Where is the life that I recognize?

But I won't cry for yesterday,

There's an ordinary life,

Somehow I have to find . . .

As I try to make my way to an ordinary life,

I will learn to survive . . . "

(Sung to the tune of "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran)

"No more slaying--look out new life, here I come."

On her very first day, she ran into a tom on a skateboard. The guy was in baggy skateboarder-dude duds and looked like what most people could call a dork.

Pounce: Hey! I resent that!

Author: I meant it in a good way.

Pounce: Really? Cool . . .

"Hello! I'm Pouncival and you're new here!"

"Duh! I'm Electra and I need to find my class."

"Hey, we're in the same class--neat, huh?"

He was pretty cute, but Electra didn't worry about such things anymore--

Electra: I never think about guys at all--

Jemima, Etcetera and Victoria: TuggerTuggerTugger!!!!!

Electra: (glares) Okay, maybe just *one* guy!

In class, she met up with this white queen called Victoria who was the head of the school's Snob Squad. Electra used to be one of those--cheerleader, fashion-diva, general airhead--

Electra: Can you imagine *me*--I mean *me* of all people--ever being a cheerleader?

Jellylorum: Just play along dear, and it'll be over before you even know it.

They were recruiting, the entrance criteria being the ability to color-coordinate their clothes and look cool.

"I think with some work, you could be one of us," Vicky said. "Everyone wants in, but not everyone gets in."

"Oh wow, how thrilling," said Electra flatly but the class was already breaking into song--complete with synchronized dancing.

"If you wannabe with the in-crowd, you gotta look like my friends!

Make-up is essential, shopping never ends!

If you wannabe with the in-crowd, you gotta get a life!

Talking 'bout nothing might sound easy, but that's the way it is!"

(Sung to "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls)

Electra: I don't believe you stooped that low--

Author: It fit, didn't it?

Electra: It's still--

Vicky: You weren't the one who had to *sing* it, 'kay?

A red and black queen watched as Vicky and the Snob Squad retreated and made a face. Electra saw her and said,

"Okay, I'm new here and I might not know the ropes, but is it traditional for everyone to start singing and dancing in perfect time?"

"What? Hey, I never realized that!" exclaimed the cute little queen. "Come to think of it, that's *strange*."

This was the result of living in a place where people refused to believe what's in front of them. Electra was to learn about this and the other weird things that happened without anyone noticing pretty soon. But now she was just looking for a textbook.

"Er, where's the library?"

"That's it, you can't be one of Vicky's Snob Squad if you wanna go there," said the queen. "I'm Jemima."

"Electra--not a Spice Girls' fan." And they dissed the Spice Girls all the way to the library.

The librarian was this grey tabby with glasses and an accent.

"Ah, you must be the Slayer," said the Librarian when she came in.

"I'm not doing that stuff anymore," Electra said. "Now I'd like to find a textbook--one of those thick ones so that I can beat off whoever's been spying on me--"

"Oh no, the Watchers' Council keep track of the Slayers. I'm Munkustrap, your new Watcher."

"What?"

Munku: Serious miscasting?

"Your Watcher."

"Yeah, I heard the first time--what?!?! I gotta do all the slaying again?"

"Yes, it's your sacred duty--one queen in--"

"All the world yadda yadda yadda, I know the drill!"

While the Slayer was confronting her destiny again, a flashy red car pulled up to the curb in the bad side of town. The driver hopped out and took a deep breath.

"Ah, smog--there's nothing like industrial pollution," said the tall guy with the blonde mane. "Right, Bomb?"

Bomb: I don't have to be psycho, do I?

Author: Matter of interpretation.

Tugger: (offside) You're forgetting that this Author's practically a nut-job herself . . .

"Except for the scent of burning corpses, Tugger dear," said the tall, curvy red queen who came out after him. And they started kissing extravagantly.

Author: Y'know, this might have been a mistake . . .

Etcetera: Yeah!

Author: On second thought, I'll just stick a PG warning on it.

And then they went on to establish themselves as the leaders of the large paranormal underworld in Junkyard. Mostly by kicking the former leaders into next Wednesday.

Tugger: Hey, I'm a bad guy!

Bomb: We're playing the bad guys! And for some reason it's pretty cool . . .

Mac: It's the major power trip. Must be refreshing after being a goody-two-shoes for so long, right?

Tugger: Darn right it does!

Mac: Welcome to the Dark Side.

Author: Er, could you put away the Star Wars references for now--

Mac: Hey, you were the one who wrote that parody-thingy in the first place!

Author: Gee, so I did. But we're getting on with this fic now!

Pounce: Wrong for once--we've run out of time!

Author: Tomorrow is another day . . .

All: Unfortunately!