Author: There's been a bit of a delay because some kitties had to get high on catnip . . .

All:: Untrue! Your compy shorted again! And you didn't do anything for a week!

Author: So much for my resolution . . . Alright, here's the deal--we do this bit first and then we fast-forwards it real quick to the end. Deal?

All: Okay--anything to shorten this torture . . .

Life carried on. As much as life could go on. For the average teenager like Electra, it might as well be the end of the world as she knew it. The guy she loved was a total psycho intent on making life miserable for her and her friends and she still couldn't drive!

Demeter: Oh *big* loss--kids these days . . .

Author: Get on with it . . .

Demeter: Why should I? You're still going to--

Author: Don't you dare give away the plot!

Munkustrap: What plot? Let her go about her insanity, Demi--the soon we get this done, the sooner we can forget about it.

Demeter: In my nicest dreams maybe . . .

And then there was the mystery of the curse--

All: With the loopholes you could drive a Mac truck though!

--which had taken away Misto's soul. The Slayerettes were trying to find out how that could have happened. As the curse was so improbably and the logic so illogically warped, it was not surprising that they couldn't figure anything out. Until Demi Calendar came along.

Munkustrap had a major crush on her.

Munku: *Crush* sounds so childish . . .It's hardly enough to describe what I feel for Demi . . .

Demi: Oh that's so--

Author: Romantic--yes, but we're running out of time here!

And Electra was busy trying to blame herself for everything as usual.

"Was it really because I--y'know . . ."

All: Not that "What what" business again!

Author: Which "what what" business?

All: The "What what" business with the "you know what"!

Author: What--

Alonzo: Okay, we should just forget about it . . .

Electra: But--

Munku: Forget about it--yes, that's the wisest thing to do . . .

"You wanna know the truth?"

"Spill."

"It really was your hormones' fault," Demi said.

Electra: That was soooo encouraging . . . especially to a teenager who's trying to blame herself.

"I-um-ah--how to say this . . ." Demi said uncomfortably. "I-I think I can find a spell to reverse the effects of the curse--"

"As in get Misto's soul back where I like it?" Electra asked. "Well do it! Now!"

"Wait," Munkustrap insisted on cutting in with his patented reasonable Librarian way. "How can you even find the right spell? Unless you knew what the original curse was--"

All: Duh . . .

"Oh no."

All: Oh *yes* . . .

"Well, y'see I was sent as a watcher--"

"But I'm the Watcher!"

"No, not that kind of Watcher! I mean I was sent to watch Misto--"

"Why?" Electra asked, immediately jealous of any queen who put a paw close to Misto, psycho or not.

"To make sure he was suffering and the curse was still there," Demi said.

"Wha?" asked Pounce who was not so quick on the uptake.

"She's one of them gypsies!" Munkustrap said, exasperated.

"Gypsy, techno-pagan and school teacher? Talk about over-achieving," Vicky said.

Demi: Yeah--I mean a girl's got to have all the bases covered to survive in the 90s y'know . . .

"And you didn't tell us?"

"Look, I didn't like it any more than you do," Demi protested. "But they pushed all the dirty work to me. Now Misto's soul's lost and he's Mistoffelees now--"

"It changed his name too?"

The queen looked confused, then a bit irritated. "No, you silly girl! He's a demon now!"

Author: Hmm, that still doesn't sound right . . .

Misto: It doesn't work so well with the name "Misto" and "Mistoffelees" does it?

"Touchy, aren't you? Hold it--we should be the ones being angry, not you," Electra realized suddenly. "We should be kicking you out on your tail right now--"

"And conveniently forget about the curse--right," Demi muttered.

"I have no luck with women!" Munkustrap sighed.

Munku: (muttering) Only in this author's fic . . .

Demi: Don't worry, love, you'll always have me . . .

Munku: I know--

Tugger: Someone was commenting on sickly sweetness just a few moments ago . . .

But we have to move onto the villains. It has been noted that they were a lot more entertaining to watch than the good guys.

Munku: Oh really?

Author: It's the bad-boy allure--trust me, I know this . . .

Tugger was all for wiping out Slayer and Slayerettes at one go. Bomba agreed to anything with a lot of blood, guts and pain in it. But as Mistoffelees was their sire--

Tugger: Wait just one cotton picking minute--

Bomba: Sire?

Author: Errrrr, it means he made you both Pollicles, so he's your sire . . .

Tugger and Bomba and Misto too: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Munku: How many seconds was that?

Pounce: Thirty-five seconds--Demi still holds the record for longest 'Nooooooo' without breathing for as long as we've been stuck in this insane world . . .

Plato: Can I say something? BOY AREN'T WE SO BORED IN THIS PLACE--

Munku: We get your point . . .

--and a lot older than them, he could overrule them and say "Hey, I'll play with my food if I want to, capish? Now, the boys can go about their usual bumbling ways and get staked for all I care, but the Slayer's mine!"

Bomb: Hold it! *Misto*'s calling the shots now?

Author: Er, being your sire, he's got a sort of seniority . . .

Tugger: Which was totally inconsistent with how we used to fight when Misto had a soul . . .

Author: That's just another one of those unexplainable things . . . just play along . . .

Misto: I could get used to this . . .

"So are you going to drive her nuts like Bomba over there?"

"Perish the thought! And Bomba was already loopy to begin with!" Misto said. "I'll just do in a few of those friends of hers. . . she won't go over the edge so fast. Now who should I hunt first? Eeeny-meeny--"

"Daddy!"

All: Eeeewwwwww . . .

Munku: And we thought all those sickly sweet endearments were bad . . .

Bomb: You want to say that again, Munku?

Munku: Er, no . . .

Bomba looked even more unfocused than usual--if that was possible. "Some one wants to break us up--our happy little family . . ."

Tugger: Which redefined the meaning of the word "happy" . . .

"Who?"

Bomba: So they'll actually believe the ravings of a homicidal psychotic queen?

"That queen--that gypsy queen . . ." Bomba had the gift or curse of second sight--and it was the one reliable thing about her.

Bomba: Okay . . .

"Your old friends," Tugger commented. "Should be interesting--an eye for any eye, they say . . ."

"Hmmm--why not?" Mistoffelees said casually. "Killing two birds with one stone--or one of the Slayer's friends and a threat at one go is fine by me . . ."

Entertaining as this exchange was, we have to move back to the Slayer to get the plot going and to allow the bad guys some time to change scenes.

Back at Slayer HQ, the Slayer was moping as usual and wasn't paying any attention to what her friends were blabbering about.

"Yeah--mope, mope, angst, angst . . ."

Author: You're too young to be that cynical . . .

Electra: Oh, this fic does wonders for growing up . . .

"I need to stake something," Electra announced even though that was her job description.

Electra: My no-good excuse of an ex first perhaps?

"This is stage three," Vicky said to Jemima and Pouncival as the Slayer went out to vent her angst on some poor Pollicle. "Once she got over the shock and the moping, she'll be trying to forget the guy--trust me, I've seen it happen."

"Okay, Miss Dating-Game, got anything else to add?"

Vicky shrugged. "Like she'll *ever* get over him . . ."

Electra: What is this nonsense about?

Author: It's very angsty--star-crossed lovers and all that . . .

Electra: Ick--you mean no more normal relationships for me because I fell for Misto?

Author: Affirmative.

Misto: You mean we have to suffer in the name of love forever?

Author: Very muchly so . . . Isn't that so--

Electra: Stupid . . .

Misto: Permanent . . .

Author: I was going to say "emotionally draining".

Misto: Yeah, sure you were . . .

And from there we'll do a quick shuffle over to the school computer labs where a computer teacher was sorted out spells and magical thingamabobs while operating a computer. Trying to make amends because she felt guilty for some old stuff that really wasn't her fault, Demi was digging up an ancient spell that her people had used to curse the Pollicle Mistoffelees. Being a techno-pagan, she could use computers to do it. Being a teacher meant that she could use school computers to do it.

"Hmmm, it's done . . . Click Save--mustn't ever forget to save hard copies of this stuff . . ."

Tugger: Personal experience?

Author: Gotcha . . .

And she conveniently left the disk to one side of the desk before someone said "Surprise!"

"Misto?!?!" Demi had jumped about a yard when he came in.

"In the flesh--I came just in time to catch you working late and there's absolutely no one else around. Geez, I thought everyone knew better than to stay out late in empty public buildings in this town."

He picked up the magical thingamabob. "Oh looky here . . . an Orb that just happens to be a container for souls. And a spell! Someone's trying to summon a soul--feels very familiar . . ."

"Your soul--y'know . . . cuz you were such a nice cat when you had it," Demi squeaked, scared out of her wits. "Careful-those orbs are--"

"Cute, very cute--but fragile." And he dropped it. "Déjà vu? Thanks, but no thanks."

Misto: Y'know, I get a kick out of being bad and all that, but this really *mean* in a very nasty way . . .

Author: We haven't made it to the next scene yet . . .

Demi decided that this was definitely the time to run.

"Hide-and-seek--fun!" And Misto chased after her after wrecking a few computers to destroy the spell. "Ready or not--here I come!"

Misto: People are starting to look at me in a odd way--

Munku: That's just your imagination, Misto.

Misto: Yeah--but you've painted a ten-foot circle around me . . .

(But one disk fell through a gap between the desks, unnoticed by anyone.)

Electra: There had to be that last hope, huh?

Author: Yes! And you've just done the required Star Wars mention! Love ya--now lets get cracking again . . .

But running around in the dark chased by a Pollicle with a stake or garlic were just plain silly survival tactics. Unless one was the Slayer or the Slayer was nearby. Unfortunately, the Slayer was out stalking the cemeteries. Which let Demi on her own, running around an empty school . . .

Demi: Oh, I'm so scared . . .

"Boo."

And Demi passed out from the shock.

"Man, I thought queens were tougher than this," Misto said.

Misto: People are going to hate me for this . . . Queens especially . . .

Demi: I'm dead! I'm gone! Yesss--

Author: But you'll be resurrected for flashbacks.

Demi: What?

Alonzo: It's a given--S.O.P. in these shows . . .

Demi: Standard Operating Procedure?

Alonzo: Nope--stale, old and predictable . . .

Author: Okay, okay, now we'll do the fast-forwarding . . .

All: (as unenthusiastically as a bunch of cats can) Yay . . .

Author: After this, Munku has to go through some angst. Got that? And then the sub-plot about Plato becoming a werewolf-

Plato: Huh?

Author: Like I said, unimportant--

Plato: To everyone but me--I mean, can't you have some consideration for minor characters? No one appreciates us!

Alonzo: Need a shoulder?

Plato: Yeah, thanks . . . (blows nose and sniffs)

Author: (shrugs) You'll be a major character later--unless you really want me to go into that now--

Plato: Er, no thanks--I'll be quiet now. So quiet you won't even know I'm--

Author: Ahem! And then that business with Pouncival and the love potion--

Queens: Toms!

Alonzo: Not all of us are like that--I mean, not all of us need love potions to get some--

Pounce: Hey!

Author: And that business with him in the red Speedo--

Bomba: Now that does sound interesting!

Author: Swim team! In the swim team--like a friend of mine once said, get your minds out of the gutter!

Tugger: Er, that's kinda hard when you insist on making people think that way--

Author: Shuddapshuddap! (smiles) Tuggy-wuggy, I didn't say anything about wheelchairs in this fic . . .

Tugger: That sounds . . . threatening . . .

Author: Let's just say that you could have had that run in with the pipe organ and Misto could have been calling you "Roller Boy" for quite some time--

Misto: I could?

Author: But I like Tugger and--

All: Not to mention his loyal fans being upset--

Author: And that too . . . so I'm letting you off fairly easily.

Tugger: Oh I see--er, I think.

Author: Moving along . . . The eppie with the monsters in the hospital and the ghosts--our special effects budget is strained as it is--

Misto: Like the so-called humor on this fic . . .

Author: And finally the grand finale . . . next time around . . .