How to Succeed in Business Without Ever Putting Forth Any Effort, But Somehow Rising to the Top Anyhoo- 2

Veroni: Well, are we all feeling better now?

Bustopher: *URP!*

Pounce: I'd take that as a yes.

Veroni: PLACES, THEN!

(settles in to begin again and is just getting comfy when the school intercom buzzes to life with some heavy rock music)

Veroni: KELONZI!

Kel: (pretending she's a disc jockey-- speaking over the intercom) Hey YO YO YO! This is big Kel-on-zi comin' to you live! Crankin' out the tunes from Buffy the Vam---

Veroni: (disconnects the intercom system) Ahhh. Better.

So, when we left off, Finch had been taken into Mr. Scratch's department and Lecmary had yet to get Finch's attention. Now we find our next main character introduced-- Ms. Bomby LaRue. She is an 'old friend' (read: Old Squeeze) of BJ Biggley's and not too shabby to look at. She arrives via the elevator and begins seeking out the personel department.

(Bomb enters very quickly and flat-footed, hardly casting a look at anything but the floor)

Veroni: BOMB! I chose you for this role because you love to act out and be all seductive-ey.

Bomb: OH! THAT'S what I'm supposed to do? I thought Hedy was a nice conservative, (looks down at the low cut on her dress). Never mind.

Tugger: So yer a sexpot babe!! Think you can handle it?

Bomb: Roger, charlie! (slips into character and swaggers her way back onto the stage with a sexy shimmy of her hindquarters) I am looking for the personel office.

Munku: Ah Ms. LaRue (eyes bug out and nearly passes out when he sees what Bomb's wearing). So, glad, you're... here!

Skimble: Can I help you miss?

Bomb: Scram.

Munku: I hope we didn't keep you waiting.

Bomb: Oh no, sir! It is I whom am late! I was very naughty this morning---

Toms: (whistle sensually)

Veroni: NOT THAT KIND OF NAUGHTY!!!!

Bomb: (continues) I'm still unaccustomed to early arrisal.

Munku: Ah, yes. Well, um.. if you'll step this way, my secretary Ms. Cetty Smith will take your particulars.

Bomb: Thirty-nine, Twenty-two, thirty-eight.

Skimble: OOOHH!! I win the pool! Now pay up!

Toms: (grumble and pay Skimble)

Veroni: I could be missing something here, but that's supposed to be part of the show and not a real bet Skimble!!

Skimble: Party pooper.

As Hedy leaves to be initiated into the secretarial pool, the Executive Toms rush to tell Mr. Bratt that they are in need of a new secretary, (big surprise, huh?). Bratt lectures them about how a secrekitty is not a toy...

Munku: GENTLEMEN!!!!

A secrekitty is not a toy!

No, my boy; not a toy

To fondle and dandle,

And playfully handle

In search of some purile joy. NO!

A secrekitty is not, DEFINATELY not

A toy. (he leaves)

Cori: You're absolutely right Mr. Bratt.

Quaxo: We wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Bratt!

Plato: It's a company RULE Mr. Bratt!

(the Secretaries enter and begin dancing around the stage)

Toms:
A secrekitty is not a toy,

No, my boy; not a toy

So do not go jumping for joy, boy!

A secrekitty is not

A secrekitty is not

A secrekitty is not

All:
A toy.

Lec, Cetera, Dem, Rumple:
A secrekitty is not to be

Used for play therapy

All:
Be good to the girl you employ,

Boy;

Remember, no matter what

Neurotic trouble you've got

Dem: Is that even a G-rated phrase to use?

Veroni: The phrase fits with the time period.

Vicky: Say that to the ratings police who will personally escort you off the stage.

(The cats jump ahead over some even more suggestive phrases)

Vicky: (stalks at Skimble and he backs up slowly, inching ever closer to the edge of the stage)
A secrekitty is not a pet

Nor an e-REC-tor set!

(Skimble jumps back as Vicky hits the 'rec' part of erector... only he was out of stage and is now sprawled at the bottom of the orchestra pit)

Skimble: Mother.

Vicky: (calling down to him) Sorry 'bout that!!

All: (except for Skimble, who only manages to groan in time with the music)
It happened to Charlie Mungoy, boy!

They fired him like a shot--

Mungo: Wha? Me?

All:
The day the fellow forgot

A secrekitty is not a toy!

Veroni: Well, after Skimble's bang up job--- LITERALLY --- I think we'll just skip over the rest of this song and move onto the elevator scene you guys.

Skimble: You'll get no complaint from me.

Veroni: 'Sides which, I'm going to make a special guest appearance here anyway, so get ready.

Munku: And by the Heavyside, WHY?

Veroni: Cuz girl #2 is my role and I'm good with these lines.

It's now the end of a long day and all are heading for the elevator to go home. We hear the normal end of the day sounds as several cats walk across..

Admetus: (walks across while speaking and enters the elevator) So he said, "I'm next in line for promotion.."

Veroni: (enters with another kitten) So I said, "Just keep your paws where they belong!"

Kel: WHOO-HOO!! GO V!! WE LOVE YOU BABE!!! (looks around and all the cats are staring at her in silence) Loud. Very unseemly. Sorry. (plops back down in her chair)

Vicky: So what the hel-- (realizes what the script says and quickly fixes to something G-rated) heck. I'm having dinner with him.

(There's some more banter to set things up for later that we'll skip over, but here comes the world-famous whirl-wind plot summary to save our sanity! Finch and Ms. Grizones talk about Mr. Biggley's high school-- Old Grimy. Doesn't seem to matter right now, but trust me... it'll matter later. Also, Finch mentions his plans to work tomorrow to everyone's shock-- "No one works on a Saturday!". In the meantime, Lecmary enters and tries to get Mistpont to go out with her for dinner. It is doomed to failure, so Cetty decides to SUBTLY add in her persuation abilities.)

Tugger: Song cue.

Veroni: (re-claims her director's chair) Thank you, Mr. I'm-so-subtle.

Cet:
Well, here it is 5pm

The finish of a long day's work

And there they are, the both of them

The secrekitty and the clerk

Not very well aquainted, not very much to say,

But I can hear those two little minds tickin' away

(they stand in a line-- Misto, Cet and Lec)

Now she's thinking:

Lec: I wonder if we take the same bus?

Cet: And he's thinking:

Misto: There could be quite a thing between us!

Cet: Now, she's thinking:

Lec: He really is a dear

Cet: And he's thinking:

Misto: But what of my career?

Cet: Then she says:

(Lec yawns)

And he says:

Misto: Err... uh...

Well, it's been a long day!

All:
Well, it's been a long,

Been a long,

Been a long,

Been a long--- day.

Jemi: This bopping between characters is making my brain hurt.

Veroni: It's almost--- *CRASH!* Ack! What was that, you guys? (silence) GUYS?

Alonzo: (from out in the hallway) Uh oh.

Veroni: WHAT?? Uh oh, what-o?

Alonzo: Bustopher sorta crashed through the glass window on the snack machine.

Bustopher: (comes in with the frame of the glass window around his neck and a Snicker's Bar in one paw) Yummy.

(Veroni gives him a look to KILL)

Bustopher: What? The thing took my quarter and the snack got stuck. I had to 'pursuade' the thing to give it up.

ANYway.. Bud manages to get himself promoted through blackmailing his 'uncle' in a scene which, like it or not, we'll have to skip since two of the three characters in this scene are either wearing a snack machine or lolling about on the floor of the orchestra pit)

Bustopher: I'm trying out a new fashion statement.

Cet: Oh, it certainly 'says' something alright.

Skimble: I am not lolling. Or bleeding anymore for that matter. I'm in a nice state of clotting.

It's now the next morning and Finch arrives, quickly throwing papers and supplies all around his desk as if he has been working dilligently all night long. As Biggley enters the office, Finch flops down on the desk and does a pretty nice fake snore.

Bustopher: (who has taken off the frame and is now in a golfer's outfit) By the Everlasting Cat! Have you been here all night?

Misto: Huh? (rubs his eyes) Oh, sir! I just had a few more things to catch up on. I'll be done in a little while.

Bustopher: There's the spirit! Um.. I'm afraid your name escapes me at the moment.

Misto: Finch, sir! F-I-N-C-H. Mistpont Finch.

Bustopher: Mistpont.

Misto: You can call me Misty.

Cats: (roll around on the floor laughing themselves to tears at Misto's nickname)

Veroni: (mumbling as she reads the script) I had a feeling that wasn't going to work out...

Misto: (really cheesed off at getting mocked for like the fifteenth time in his parody career) You think?!

Bustopher: (back in character) You make me feel guilty Misty (coughs over a chuckle). I was just on my way out to play a few rounds of golf with Mr. Deutery Whopper. (heads to collect up his silver spoons for the game)

(Misto begins humming the tune to BJ's alma mater-- Old Grimy. When Biggley hears this, he gets reminiscent. If you haven't figured it out by now, Finch never went to Old Grimy and is just doing this whole song and dance to get on the big guy's good side. They start to sing and dance like the cheerleaders.)

Bustopher: GR-R-R-R-R-R-OUNDHOG!

Misto: Groundhog?

(they start parading around, singing: )

Bustopher:
Stand Old Grimy!

Stand firm and strong!

Grand Old Grimy!

Hear the cheering throng!

Both:
Stand Old Grimy,

And never yield.

Rrrrip! Rip! Rip the Chipmunk

Off the field!

Vicky: Why is this so freaky to me?

Lec: Possibly the idea that this is actually a very plausable position for ol' Bustopher? You know, the whole idea of Bustopher being one of those old stuffy alumni who come to watch the new guys prance around the field and in doing so get to re-live their glory days?

Vicky: Actually, I think it's those cheerleader jumps Bustopher is over there doing.

Bustopher: (marches off the stage to the snack machine) GR-R-R-R-ROUNDHOG! (jumps up and down and things start to shake like crazy)

Tugger: AH! EARTHQUAKE!

Veroni: Nah, it was only Bustopher.

Misto: Man, I hate it when that happens.

So the two head their separate ways, but before Bustopher leaves, he promotes his 'old schoolmate' to get his own office. Finch is thrilled and is just settling in when he gets his new secretary-- Ms. Bomby LaRue.

Tugger: Misto, you lay one paw on my queen and I'll smack you so hard you'll... you'll... you'll be breathing through your spleen!

Misto: Owie. Very nice imagery.

Sensing an opportunity to get ahead fast, Misto sends Bomby into Mr. Scratch's office to deliver something PERSONALLY.

Alonzo: HE-LLO there sweet thing. (grabs her) What's a nice girl like you doing in a dump like this?

Bomb: Delivering something sweety.

Alonzo: C'mon! You're in the big leagues now. Don't play with the little fish!

(Things fade to black and we hear a loud THWAP and some groaning)

Veroni: That's not supposed to be what happens!

Tugger: (looks innocently at Veroni) I warned him.

Alonzo: (mumbling with a fat lip) Tubgger yobu abubare subo dubaed.

(The lights come back up and Finch is now seated in the chair which was previously occupied by Mr. Scratch. The phone rings and he answers)

Misto: Hello, Mr. Finch's office. Who? Oh, Mr. Scratch? Well, he's been transferred to one of our out-of-town offices.. yep.. Venezuela.

Tugger: Too bad, Lonz. Well, that's what you get for hitting on my queen.

Alonzo: (grunts and motions for Cori to lean down. He whispers into his ear.)

Cori: Alonzo says: You'll get yours.

(Tugger punches Cori)

Cori: Hey! Don't hurt ME! I'm just the messenger!

Tugger: And that was the message.

Veroni: Guys? COOL IT!

Since that outburst just ate up alot of HTML doc, we'll skip ahead. A new guy has been hired to the advertising branch of the company. There's going to be a party for him on the roof and Lecmary, as the new guy's secretary is going to be there. When she finds out that Misty is going to be there, she rushes out to buy a new dress. It's a Paris original!

Lec:
This irresistable Paris original

I'm wearing tonight!

(Vicky enters wearing the same dress)

SHE'S wearing tonight

And I could spit!

Vicky & Lec:
Some irresponsible dress manufacturer

Just didn't play fair!

I'm one of a pair!

And I could---

Jemima: (enters wearing the same dress as the first two)
This irresistable Paris original

All slinky with sin (sees the others now)

Already slunk in!

And I could die!

All Three:
And I could kill her!

And I could---

Cet: (enters with-- surprise, surprise! The same dress on)
This irresistable Paris original

Tres sexy, n'est pas?

Oh dang it! VOILA!

All:
And I could spit!

(all the secretaries appear and they are ALL wearing the same dress)

OH! Thirty-nine bucks I hand out

For something to make me stand out

And suddenly I've gone into mimeograph!

Griz: Some laugh!

All:
This irresistable Paris original

This mass produced crime!

I'm wearing tonight for the very last time!

Bomb: (enters with the same dress on and crosses to the toms) Hello, boys!

Toms: (gawk at Bomb) WHAT A DRESS!

Other Queens: (disgusted) OH!

Tugger: Wow. Nice dress you guys. No one told me it was look-alike day.

Cet: Oh be quiet! It's in the script, 'k?

Jem: These things seem like they were made out of curtain fabric!

Veroni: That's what I said to the wardrobe folks, but did they listen? No.

Lec: I guess they saw it them in a store window and couldn't resist.

Cats: (groan) Terrible pun.

At the party we are introduced to the new guy-- Mr. Rumpington. Misto however has been scheming for the position that this guy has had fall in his lap, so he subtly lets it slip that Rumpington is infact an alumni of the Chipmunks. Unable to tolerate this, BJ gives the new guy the boot and makes Finch the new advertising guy.

Rumpus: HEY! That's no fair!

Jem: Rumpus, buddy. Think what you're saying here. You wanted to stay around?

Rumpus: Good point. See ya guys! (races out)

Meantime Skrump is majorly put out that his uncle has yet again raised Finch above him on the corporate ladder. In an attempt to give Finch the ol' heave-ho, he sends Bomby into an office ALONE with Finch. She makes an advance on him and plants a big smooch on him.

(we hear a VERY loud smacking sound. Veroni looks at her watch as the smacking continues on and on and on and on...)

Tugger: Uh, Bomb? Ducks, you're done now.

Bomb: Ah. Sorry.

Misto: (pulls back with a dazed look in his eyes) Wow.

Veroni: MISTO! You're not supposed to be in LOVE with her. Remember the script? It's a little book they use in the theater when they want to have something called a plot.

Misto: Wow. New invention.

(starts to sing)

Lecmary!

Bomb: (not singing) Lecmary?

Misto: That kiss...

Bomb: What about that kiss?

Misto: Lecmary!

Bomb: It is highly insulting to think of two dames in the middle of one kiss!

Tugger: At least I know he's not after my gal.

(Bomby goes into the bathroom and Misty starts conducing an invisible orchestra)

Misto: (starts singing)
Suddenly there is music

In the sound of your name...

Lecmary

Lecmary

Was the melody locked inside me,

'Till at last, out it came...

Lecmary!

Lecmary!

(Lec enters, a little early, but Misto works with it)

Lec: Misty! I heard Bud Scrump talking at the party. Where is she?

Misto: Lecmary, something wonderful has happened. Can't you hear it?

(singing again)

Suddenly there is music

In the sound of your name

Lec: I don't hear a thing.

Misto:
Lecmary...
Just listen! It's like a beautiful pink sky...

Lec: Now look here, J. Mistpont Finch, have you lost your mind?

Misto: Lecmary, darling, will you marry J. Mistpont Finch?

Lec: (music strikes up louder than before) NOW I hear it! I HEAR IT! I HEAR IT!

(singing)

Suddenly there is music

In the sound of your name

J. Mistpont!

Misto:
Just imagine if we kissed

What a crescendo!

(The piano plays a concerto, although in this case it was Skimble, still dazed from his plummet to the orchestra pit, who tripped and flopped onto the keyboard, rolling its full length.)

Skimble: Owie-- again.

Both:

(try to continue without laughing)

There is wonderful music in the very sound

OF YOUR NAAAAAAAAME!

(the song ends and Misty turns to Lecmary)

Misto: Oh honey, I've been so wrapped up in everything that I never...

(Bomby re-enters and Lec sees exactly what's been going on.)

Lec: You're wearing two different lipstick colors-- mine and HERS!

Misto: This is very easilly explained!

Lec: Don't let me keep you! GO ON! Kiss her! Make love! (walks out into the hall, deeply hurt and sees the higher-ups coming down the hall. If they catch Bomby and Misto in the act, they would fire him just as quickly as they fired Mr. Scratch) Uh-oh.

Misto: Now what?

Bomb: We should do what the lady said!

(Lecmary comes rushing back in and grabs Bomby)

Bomb: What are you doing? I have absolutly nothing to hide!

Lec: YES YOU DO! And keep it hidden!

Tugger: Yeah baby! She certainly has it.

Veroni: Where's the air sick bag?

(Lec and Misto kiss just as BJ and the high-ups arrive on the scene)

Lec: OH! Mr. Bratt! I was just---

Munku: What's this? And with your secretary?

Misto: Uh, Ms. Pilkington isn't my secretary.

Bustopher: Ah. Good point. Carry on.

Jenny: He sees the two making out and just because it's not his secretary he turns a blind eye?

Jelly: And they ask what's wrong with big buisness these days!

Both: Well I never!

Lecmary has saved Finch's hide, but she is still deeply hurt that she found him and Bomby in close quarters. She starts to leave, deeply hurt. Mistpont gets rid of Bomby and she reluctantly leaves ("I'll have to wait for that pidgeon until after he's married."). He and Lec make up and he tells her that he's going to be a vice-president. Since she was Mr. Rumpington's secretary and now he's taking over the department, she's his secretary.

Lec: Aren't you going to kiss me?

Misto: I can't.

Lec: WHY?

Misto: You're my secretary. (picks up the phone) Uh. Wait a minute Lecmary.. Hello, Name-Painter?

Lec: Wait a minute Lecmary.. Hello name painter?

Misto: This is Mr. Finch. I want my name on my door in gold-leaf... J. Mistpont... J. Mistpont!

Skimble: (enters and sees what's happened) NO!

(since all three are singing at once, we'll do the 'Cat Miserables' thing and give you snippets of each part)

Misto:
Vice President in charge of advertising

F-I-N-C-H

The usual spelling...

Jay Mistpont!

Boy! When you see it on your own door!

There is wonderful music in the very sound of your name!

Lec:
Lecmary

All of my lifetime

Program will be more of the same

Remember me?

Whatever happened to Lecmary?

There is wonderful music in the very sound of your name!

Skimble:
Vice President!

There must be a way to stop him,

There must be!

There must

Jay Mistpont!

Jay Mistpont!

I can't stand it!

I will return!

I WILL RETURN!

Jemi: Aside from the fact that since you were all singing at once I didn't catch half of that.. Good job. I think.

Tugger: (grabs Bomb and snuggles her close) Just you all remember that she's MINE!

Veroni: We'll see about that.

Tugger: What? What's going to happen?

Veroni: I'm not going to spoil the surprise. (looks around) Uh, where's Kel?

(the soundsystem cracks to life again and the theme to Buffy The Vampire Slayer starts blaring over the speakers)

Munku: Found her.

Veroni: No kidding. Someone come to the main office with me and find Kel. Then she needs a good getting killed.

Cet: I like this music. ("Teenage FBI" starts playing) can't we dance and then kill her? Hello? (everyone has exited to find Kelonzi) Thanks for telling me you were leaving!