VERONI: Okay kitties! Time for the next parody....

POUNCE: And what is the selection this time?

MUNKU: Yeah, what's the buzz?

MISTO: Tell me what's happening!

VERONI: Exactly.

MUNKU: Huh?

VERONI: Jesus Christ Superstar, silly! RIGHT MATT??

MATT: Right, Veroni!

MUNKU: But why BOTH of you?!

MATT: Well, Veroni and I both wanted to do "Jesus Christ Superstar", so we compromised to do it together!

MISTO: YOUR compromise, OUR agony!

POUNCE: Hey Juliet! Got any of those pills Griz used to take? I think the rest of us may need them!

VERONI: Just give it a chance! You'll see...

DEM: I'm AFRAID of what I'll see.

(The show opens with a single spotlight on a cat decked out in jeans and a leather jacket.)

BOMB: What gives? I thought this was set in BIBLICAL times?

VERONI: I saw a preview of the revival on TV last night and it looks like our good buddy Sir Andrew has decided that his characters need a more modern look to them!

TUGGER: (preening in leather) I don't have a problem with it!

BOMB: That's because you didn't have to wear a costume. Your fur already looks like that!

TUGGER: So what if it does? I'M playing Judas!

(sings)

My mind is clearer now.

At last, all too well

I can see where we all soon will be

If you strip away the myth from the tom

You will see where we all soon will be

POUNCE: The only place I want to be is far away from these crazies whom have dubbed themselves authors!

TUGGER: (continues) MUNKUS!!!

You've started to believe

The things they say of you!

You really do believe

This talk of the Everlasting Cat is true?

LEC: His name has always been Munkus...

VERONI: It fit, so it stays.

(He blabs on for a few more verses, but we'll skip ahead and hand the director's blowhorn over to our other FAMOUS and Tommy Award winning director for a little while.... while I slip out to the little queens' room)

VERONI: Be back in a minute.... he's all yours.

(We then see Munkus on a mountain, teaching his apostles--played by Plato, Coricopat, Mungojerrie, Tumblebrutus, Alonzo, George, Bill Bailey, Carbucketty, Admetus, Quaxo, Asparagus Jr., and Victor.)

APOSTLES: What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening...

POUNCE: Haven't you guys got it yet? We're doing a really bizarre parody with not just one, but TWO insane directors...

MUNKU: (hisses at Pouncival and continues) Why should you want to know?

Don't you mind about the future, don't you try to think ahead

Save tomorrow for tomorrow, think about today instead...

APOSTLES: What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening?

TUGGER: Well, Munkustrap is singing the most bizarre lyrics I've heard since "Carby", and...

MATT: TUGGER!

(Mary Magdemlene enters, talking to Munkus...)

DEMETER: Let me try to cool down your face a bit...

MUNKU: Mary, mm, that is good

While you prattle through your supper, where and when and who and how

She alone has tried to give me what I need right here and now

APOSTLES: What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening?...

TUGGER: It seems to me a strange thing, MYSTIFYING

That a tom like you can waste your time on such a concub---

VERONI: Glad I came back when I did.

TUGGER: Awww. Just when I get to the fun words too.

VERONI: Let's just cut to where the ladies come in with Mary.

JENNY: Great. More anti-queen trash.

VERONI: How so?

JENNY: Queens waiting on toms paw and foot? Puhlease!

POUNCE: Just the way things should be.

VERONI: Lay off, Pounce. We don't need you throwing a wrench in things....

DEM: (starts to sing before Jenny can say anything else about wrench throwing and violence)

Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to

Problems that upset you, oh, don't you know

Everything's alright, yes everything's fine

And we want you to sleep well tonight

Let the world turn without you tonight

If we try, we'll get by so forget all about us tonight

JEMI, LEC, CET, EXOTICA, CASS: Everything's alright, yes everything's alright yes... (continue repeating this)

JENNY: I would say that everything is NOT fine! Here goes all my hard work and equalizing the roles and queens and toms and you all throw it out the window!

(sings, pushing Tugger aside)

QUEENS! Your fine ointments, brand new and expensive

Should not be wasted on THEM!

Why have they been wasted?

We could have raised maybe three hundred silver pieces or more

For queens being degraded, queens in servitude!

Matter more than TOMS' feet and hair!

VERONI: (cries on Matt's shoulder) YOU try and make her stop! I GIVE UP!

MATT: Jen! Chill it! We're only acting here...oy, let's just go to the next scene.

JULIE: Er, Matt, small problem. Not enough cats to play apostles AND priests.

MATT: I found a way around it...the cats who played apostles will be playing priests for the next scene. We only need three extra priests anyway, so it'll work...hold on, Bustopher, you're not doing anything! Gus, you're not doing anything! Macavity, you're not in the play till later on anyway! GOGOGOGOGOGO!

BUSTOPHER, GUS, MACAVITY: Why us?!

DEM: MACAVITY'S a priest?

POUNCE: How's THAT for irony!

VICKY: I know! Next thing you'll see Old Deuteronomy applying for a job as one of Macavity's henchcats!

(So anyway, we see some priests conferring about what to do with Munkus, the radical, led by Rumphas, the high priest, and Skimblannas.)

BUSTOPHER: Good Rumphas, the council waits for you

The Pharisees and priests are here for you

RUMPUS CAT: Ah, gentletoms, you know why we are here

We've not much time and quite a problem here

(There is a mob outside...)

OTHER CATS: Hosanna! Superstar!

SKIMBLE: Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street!

OTHER CATS: HEY! What did we ever do to you?

SKIMBLE: (continues) A trick or two with lepers and the whole town's on it's feet!

MISTO: Lepers? Haven't done tricks with lepers.

OTHER CATS: He is dangerous

Everlasting Cat Superstar

Tell us that you're who they say you are

He is dangerous

GUS: The tom is in town right now to whip up some support

MAC: A rabble rousing mission that I think we must abort...

POUNCE: Like this parody!

OTHER CATS: Everlasting Cat Superstar!

He is dangerous!

GUS: Look Rumphas, they're right outside our yard

MAC: Quick Rumphas, go call the Roman guard

RUMPUS: No wait...we need a more permanent solution to our problem...

POUNCE: You mean locking Matt and Veronikitty in a padded cell and throwing away the key?

RUMPUS: NOT THAT PROBLEM!

SKIMBLE: What then to do about Munkus of Nazareth

Miracle wondertom--hero of fools?

MAC: Noriots, no army, no fighting, no slogans

RUMPUS: One thing I'll say for him--Munkus is cool

MUNKU: Thanks! I knew you'd see it my way!

SKIMBLE: We dare not leave him to his own devices

His half-witted fans will get out of control

ALONZO: Nah, not for Munkustrap. But the Tugger on the other hand...

CET: HEY!

MAC: But how can we stop him? His glamour increases

By leaps every minute, he's top of the poll

GRIZ: I thought *I* was the Glamour Cat!

JULIE: You still are...although Munkustrap is giving you a run for your money in the diva department.

RUMPUS: I see bad things arising--the crowd crown him King

Which the Romans would ban

I see blood and destruction, our elimination because of one tom

Blood and destruction because of one tom

ALL: Because, because, because of one tom

RUMPUS: Our elimination because of one tom

ALL: Because, because, because of one, 'cause of one, 'cause of one tom

MAC: What then to do about this Munkusmania?

POUNCE: It's Munkusmania runnin' wild! Whatcha gonna do when the furriest bod in the world runs wild on you?!

MATT: POUNCIVAL! NO HULK HOGAN REFERENCES ALLOWED HERE! Be thankful YOU can act--HE can't!

SKIMBLE: How do we deal with the carpenter king?

CARB: Is that anything like dealing with carpenter ants?

GUS: John Carpenter raves and rants?

JELLY: Gus, turn on your hearing aid again...

MAC: Where do we start with a tom who is bigger

Than John was when John did his baptism thing?

RUMPUS: Fools! You have no perception!

The stakes we are gambling are frighteningly high!

TUMBLE: Gambling? I thought that wasn't until we did "Guys & Dolls"!

RUMPUS: (hisses at Tumblebrutus and continues) We must crush him completely

So like John before him, this Munkus must die

For the sake of the nation, this Munkus must die

ALL: Must die, must die, this Munkus must die

RUMPUS: So like John before him, this Munkus must die

ALL: Must die, must die, this Munkus must, Munkus must, Munkus must die!

MUNKU: Something tells me that all that time being a "diva" has come back to haunt me.

VERONI: Gee, you think? (rolls eyes) Uhm... now we need a crowd scene. In short--

POUNCE: We know, quick costume changes all around.

(The music strikes up.... and nothing happens.)

VERONI: EVERYONE OUT HERE NOW!!!

POUNCE: But some of us are---

VERONI: Just get out here!

(The crowd appears, shuffling on, obviously concealing something behind their large group and begin to sing)

CROWD: HOSANNA, HEYSANNA, SANNA SANNA, HOSANNA, HEYSANNA, HOSANNA!!

HEY MC MC, WON'T YOU SMILE AT ME?

SANNA, HOSANNA, HEY SUPERSTAR!

VERONI: Uhm... they're hiding something back there, aren't they?

MATT: Oh boy. (flashes back to "The Tom and I" and thinks about Jennyanydots and Juliet and the catapult) Here we go again. I'd better check it out.

(Meanwhile, in the back of the crowd onstage)

POUNCE: (despirately trying to zip up the back of his shirt, pants still down around his ankles) Keep singing you guys! We need more time back here!

TUMBLE: We're trying, but I think V sees something's wrong back here!

POUNCE: I'm hurrying! JUST KEEP SINGING!

RUMPUS: (singing onstage, while the crowd gets even closer together) Tell the rabble to be quiet, we anticipate a riot

This common crowd is MUCH too loud!

Tell the mob who sing your song

That they are fools and they are wrong!

They are a curse! They should disperse!

CROWD: (starts to move in a procession after Munku--- Pounce shuffles with them, shirt on now, but pants still enroute....)

HOSANNA, HEYSANNA, SANNA SANNA, HOSANNA, HEYSANNA, HOSANNA!!

HEY MC MC, YOU'RE ALRIGHT BY ME!

SANNA, HOSANNA, HEY SUPERSTAR!

POUNCE: (heard after everyone finishes) Could you guys quit moving?

VERONI: WE HEARD YOU OUT HERE POUNCE!

POUNCE: Sorry, but---

VERONI: I don't want to hear it!!

MUNKU: (starts to sing again) Why waste your breath moaning at the crowd?

Nothing can be done to stop the shouting!

If every tongue was still, the noise would still continue

The rocks and stones themselves would start to sing!

MUNKU and CROWD: (start to march foreward, but Pounce's carefully constructed wall of cats is starting to disperse)

HOSANNA, HEYSANNA, SANNA SANNA, HOSANNA, HEYSANNA, HOSANNA!!

HEY MC MC, WON'T YOU FIGHT FOR ME?

SANNA, HOSANNA, HEY SUPERSTAR!

(The wall parts, and as the cast sings the last note, Pounce is standing with his pants halfway up and his shirt unbuttoned. He blushes and frantically zips up his fly..... unfortunatly there wasn't QUITE enough "clearance" for the zipper down there and---)

CAST: SUPERSTAR!!!!!!!!

POUNCE: YYYYEEEEEOOOOUUUUCCCHHHHHH!!!!!!

VERONI: Oooo. Not good. Time for a break.

POUNCE: (high pitched voice) Yes please!