VERONI: Well, I guess it's time to start again. How's Pounce?

POUNCE: Aside from the fact that I have zipper marks on my----

JENNY: (gags him) He's super!

VERONI: Alright, so where were we anyhow?

MUNKU: You were going to let us run far away from here and never even mention the word "Parody" in our presence again?

VERONI: OH WAIT! I remember now....

MUNKU: Dang.

(When we last left off, Munkus' followers were celebrating their leader, much to the dismay of Rumphas and the other priests. Munkus tells Rumphas that the celebration cannot be stopped, but he's a bit surprised when the crowd asks will he die for them. He holds counsel with another of his disciples, Mistimon Zealotestoffolees...)

VICKY: Sheesh, his character's name is bigger than he is!

(So the crowd sings some more, and Mistimon sings...)

MISTO: Munkus, what more do you need to convince you

That you've made it and you're easily as strong

As the filth from Rome who rape our country

And who've terrorized our cats for so long?

JEMI: Filth? RAPE? TERROR??? EWWWWWW!

MISTO: Hey, I'm just singing what it says in the script.

OTHER CATS: (sing)

Munkus you know I love you

Did you see I waved

I believe in you and the Everlasting Cat

So tell me that I'm saved

(they repeat this again then they sing)

Munkus I am with you

Touch me touch me Munkus

Munkus I am on your side

Kiss me kiss me Munkus

DEM: He's already done that to me. (growls sensually)

MUNKU: Me-OW!

MATT: Get back to the parody, then get a room! Cats, sheesh!

MISTO: There must be over fifty thousand

Screaming love and more for you

Every one of fifty thousand

Would do whatever you ask him to

Keep them yelling their devotion

But add a touch of hate at Rome

You will rise to a greater power

We will win ourselves a home

You'll get the power and the glory

For ever and ever and ever

Amen! Amen!

JULIE: Okee, I think this is inflating Munkustrap's ego by leaps and bounds.

MATT: And I thought we had to worry about the Tugger...

MUNKU: (hisses at Matt and Juliet and sings)

Neither you, Mistimon, nor the fifty thousand

Nor the Romans, nor the Jews, nor Judas nor the Twelve

Nor the Priests, nor the Scribes

Nor doomed Jerusalem itself

Understand what power is

Understand what glory is

Understand at all...understand at all

If you knew all that I knew, my poor Jerusalem

You'd see the truth but you close your eyes

But you close your eyes

While you live your troubles are many, poor Jerusalem

To conquer death you only have to die

You only have to die

POUNCE: I wish I was dead...does that count?

(Next scene, before Pounce can go any farther with that musing..... We are at the home of Pontius Macavilate, who has had a dream.)

MAC: Sheesh. In this show, if someone stubs a toe, they sing about it.

VERONI: Well, be that as it may, this song follows the same melody as one of my absolute favorite songs of the show, so YOU'D BETTER DO IT RIGHT!

MAC: Alright, already! No need to get your undies in a bunch!

(sings)

I dreamed I met a Galilean

A most amazing tom

He had that look you very rarely find

The haunting hunted kind

I asked him to say what had happened

How it all began

I asked again - he never said a word

As if he hadn't heard

And next the room was full of wild and angry cats

They seemed to hate this tom - they fell on him and then

They disappeared again

Then I saw thousands of millions

Crying for this tom

And then I heard them mentioning my name

And leaving me the blame

POUNCE: Wow. Vivid dreams you have there, Mac. They even come with musical accompaniment.

TUMBLE: Uncanny.

MAC: Oh, give me a break already!

JENNY: GLADLY! Which body part should I attack first?

VERONI: Not that kind of break, you--- Oh well. I gave up on trying to keep her quiet four songs ago. Uhm, Matt? You have a temple scene to direct now, if I'm not mistaken?

MATT: Oh yeah! Jen...again I say, CHILL IT!

JENNY: Just remember if it weren't for queens, toms like you wouldn't be born, so don't tell ME to chill it!

MATT: Just so you know, I e-mail my mother at least once a week, so don't give me that "I don't appreciate queens" bit...

(So we go to said temple scene that Veroni mentioned...it has turned into a makeshift bazaar for moneylenders and merchants...in this case it's whatever background cats played apostles doing a quick costume change...)

CORI: We're comin', we're comin'...you guys don't allow much time for costume changes here!

MONEYLENDERS AND MERCHANTS: Roll on up--for my price is down

Come on in for the best in town

Take your pick of the finest wine...

TUGGER: I would, but the folks who run AA have me on a choker after "Sunset Meow-levard".

MONEYLENDERS AND MERCHANTS: Lay your bets on this bird of mine

GRIZ: I got a bird for ya, Matt. I should have been Mary Magdalene!

MONEYLENDERS AND MERCHANTS: Roll on up--for my price is down

Come on in--for the best in town

Take your pick of the finest wine

Lay your bets on this bird of mine

Name your price I got everything...

BOMB: Do you possibly have a ticket for the next bus out of town?

MONEYLENDERS AND MERCHANTS: Come and buy it's all going fast

Borrow cash on the finest terms

Hurry now while stocks still last

(Munkus enters and sees this...and seeing as how his temple has become an ancient shopping mall, he's not too happy...)

MUNKU: My temple should be a house of prayer

But you have made it a den of thieves

GET OUT! GET OUT!

My time is almost through

Little left to do

After all I've tried for three years, seems like thirty

Seems like thirty...

OTHER CATS: See my eyes, I can hardly see

See me stand I can hardly walk

I believe you can make me whole

See my tongue, I can hardly talk

See my fur, I'm a mass of blood

See my legs, I can hardly stand

I believe you can make me well

See my purse, I'm a poor poor cat

(This goes on for a few more lines...and Munkus cannot take any more...)

MUNKU: There's too many of you--don't push me

There's too little of me--don't crowd me

HEAL YOURSELVES!

CET: Jeez, Munkustrap, what crawled up YOUR butt?

JEM: Er...Etcetera, nothing. He's only acting.

CET: Oh...OHHH! In that case...WATCH THE OVERACTING, MUNKUSTRAP!

VERONI: Alright.... providing you guys don't comment every other line, we should be able to get through the next song REALLY fast.

MUNKU: It's only like three lines long! How much can a cat say in that time?

VERONI: You forget... this is the song Jenny felt like creating her own verse for.

DEM: (crosses her fingers and starts to sing)

Try not to get worried

Try not to turn onto

Problems that upset you, oh,

Don't you know everything's alright

JENNY: EVERYTHING IS NOT---

VERONI: Rumpus Cat? Your cue.

RUMPUS: (picks up Jenny and drags her into a soundproof booth) There we go, all better.

JENNY: (mouthing against the glass-- no sound) HOW RUDE!

DEM: (smiles and adds a little something to the next line) Yes, everything's fine

POUNCE: You're tellin' me!

MUNKU: And I think I shall sleep well tonight

Let the world turn without me tonight

DEM: Close your eyes

Close your eyes

And forget all about us tonight.

VERONI: Alright, Matt is going to direct you in this song, Dem. I have to reinforce the soundproof booth.

POUNCE: Ooo! We can afford all that high tech stuff?

VERONI: Actually, it's just duct-tape, but it's the thought that counts, am I right?

JULIE: Poor Jennyanydots! I should get her out of there...

MATT: Uh, Juliet, isn't your favorite song coming up?

JULIE: Oh yeah! Jen, could you hold it for a few more seconds?

JENNY: (screaming inside the booth but we can't hear her) GET ME OUT OF HERE!

JULIE: And all you toms out there, if you so much as make a peep during this song...(picks up her pinking shears)

TOMS: We know, we know.

(Anyhow, Mary Magdemlene sings of her love for Munkus in the top ten hit from this show...)

DEM: So we'll be singing the whole thing?

POUNCE: What do YOU think, brainiac?

DEM: (hisses at Pouncival and sings) I don't know how to love him

What to do how to move him

I've been changed yes really changed

In these past few days when I've seen myself

I seem like somebody else

I don't know how to take this

I don't see why he moves me

He's a tom, he's just a tom

And I've had so many toms before

MUNKU: You mean I wasn't the first? I am shocked and appalled.

MATT: Munkustrap...she's only ACTING!

DEM: (continues) In very many ways

He's just one more

Should I bring him down, should I scream and shout...

TUMBLE: I'd opt for bringing him down, since Jennyanydots is doing a lot of screaming and shouting in that booth...

TUGGER: Lucky for us it's soundproof. If it wasn't, we'd be hearing screeching that hasn't been heard in this junkyard since that night that Bombalurina and I...

DEM: MAY I CONTINUE MY SONG, WISE TOMS?

(sings again) Should I speak of love to let my feelings out

I never thought I'd come to this, what's it all about?

Don't you think it's rather funny

I should be in this position

VICKY: How about this position? (lifts her leg parallel to her body)

DEM: (hisses at Victoria and continues)

I'm the one who's always been

So calm, so cool, no lover's fool

Running every show

He scares me so...

MAC: Hey, leave me out of this!

DEM: (continues) I never thought I'd come to this, what's it all about

Yet if he said he loved me

I'd be lost, I'd be frightened

I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope

I'd turn my head, I'd back away

I wouldn't want to know

He scares me so

I want him so

I love him so

POUNCE: Man, Mary Magdalene's really a neurotic one, isn't she?

TUMBLE: I wonder if they had psychiatrists in Israel circa 4 BC.

MATT: Well, Demeter, all smart cracks considered, you did an awesome job.

JULIE: I think I should get Jennyanydots out of the booth... (she goes to the booth and lets her out)

JENNY: THE NERVE OF THAT VERONI, getting the Rumpus Cat to lock me in a booth like that! WELL I NEVER!

TUGGER: (sings) Was there ever a cat so clever as Magical Mr. Misto...

MATT: (interrupts) Save it, Tugger, you have a solo coming up!

TUGGER: Oh yeah! (runs on stage)

(So anyhow, we see Judas Tugscariot, pretty much a Biblical slacker, who sees tons of soldiers so he heads off to the priests. He has seen what has happens and knows that Munkus can't handle his popularity, so Judas sells him off to the priests, on one condition...)

TUGGER: (sings) Now if I help you it matters that you see

These sordid king of things are coming hard to me

It's taken me some time to work out what to do

I weighed the whole thing up before I came to you

I have no thought at all about my own reward

I really didn't come here of my own accord

Just don't say I'm

Da...

MATT: Okee, PG rating here...let's not blow it. (scribbles in the script) If Veroni could do this for "The Scarlet Skimblenel", she wouldn't mind if I did this...

TUGGER: OK...(sings again)

Just don't say I'm

Demned for all time!

I came because I had to I'm the one who saw

Munkus can't control it like he did before

And furthermore I know that Munkus thinks so too

Munkus wouldn't mind that I was here with you

I have no thought at all about my own reward

JENNY: Why is it I have a hard time believing those words from the TUGGER'S mouth?

TUGGER: (hisses at Jennyanydots and continues) I really didn't come here of my own accord

Just don't say I'm

Demned for all time!

Skimblannas you're a friend, a worldly tom and wise

Rumphas my friend I know you sympathize

Why are we the prophets? Why are we the ones?

POUNCE: Why are we here?

TUGGER: (hisses at Pouncival but keeps going) Who see the sad solution--know what must be done

I have no thought at all about my own reward

I really didn't come here of my own accord

Just don't say I'm

Demned for all time

SKIMBLE: Cut the protesting, forget the excuses

We want information, get up off the floor

RUMPUS: We have the papers we need to arrest him

You know his movements, we know the law

SKIMBLE: Your help in this matter won't go unrewarded

MATT: He's got a point. At break, Tugger, you get first pick of the kitty toys.

RUMPUS: We'll pay you in silver--cash on the nail

SKIMBLE: With no crowd around him

RUMPUS: Then we can't fail

BUSTOPHER: (sings "Potiphar" from "Joseph") The things he has done are beyond the pale!

MATT: BUSTOPHER! WRONG SONG!

BUSTOPHER: Hey, I thought it would fit!

(Anyhow, Judas doesn't want any reward, he just wants to see Munkus crash and burn)

TUGGER: I don't need your blood money!

RUMPUS: Oh that doesn't matter, our expenses are good

TUGGER: I don't want your blood money!

SKIMBLE: But you might as well take it, we think that you should

RUMPUS: Think of the things you can do with that money

POUNCE: Well, since it is Biblical times, before cars, high-tech stereo equipment, and other cool 20th century marvels were invented, NOT MUCH!

RUMPUS: (after picking up Pouncival and stuffing him in the soundproof booth, he sings again) Choose any charity, give to the poor

We've noticed your motives, we've noticed your feelings

This isn't blood money, it's a fee nothing

Fee nothing, fee nothing more.

TUGGER: On Thursday night you'll find him where you want him

Far from the crowds in the Garden of Gethsemane

OTHER CATS: Well done Judas

Good old Judas

*END OF ACT 1*

VERONI: Nice job all! Time for a well-earned break.

POUNCE: (Pounds on the glass of the booth)

VERONI: I'll invite you all out to lunch on me!

CATS: YEA!

POUNCE: (Pounds on the glass)

(Everyone leaves, but Veroni stops for a moment, deep in thought)

VERONI: I feel like I'm forgetting something...

(Pounce pushes his face against the glass and holds a sign over his head reading: "WHAT ABOUT ME??")

VERONI: OH! Of course!! (walks over and picks up her coat and heads out)