MATT: So, guys, how's V treating you?

OLD D: Matt, you MUST help me. Can't you give her some feeble excuse to get me out of singing this next song?

MATT: You know, Old Deuteronomy, normally I would, but since she put me in charge of the casting, I was the one who suggested you play King Herod, and I'm not about pulling any more kitty thespian switches. Besides, you don't have to do anything, just sit there on the tire...

CET: Like he normally does? C'mon, Old D, it'll be good for you.

POUNCE: Besides, it keeps him out of the narrator's chair and prevents us from suffering from long narration-induced drowsiness.

MATT: GRRRR! (starts chasing Pouncival, but calls back to Veroni) Old D's all yours!

VERONI: Aye-aye capt'n!

OLD D: Oh boy. She's in a good mood.

TUMBLE: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

VERONI: No, actually it's Spring Break time for me!

JEMI: Like he said, "The end of the world".

VERONI: How so?

JEMI: Well, this means you won't be locked away at school and will be home more to--

MUNKU: Oh no.

JEMI: Oh yes.

MUNKU: Oh no.

JEMI: OH YES!

MUNKU: Oh--

VERONI: OH CAN WE JUST START HERE??

(Munkus is brought before King Deuterod..)

OLD D: Munkus, I am overjoyed to meet you face to face

You've been getting quite a name all around the place

Healing cripples? Cute trick.

Raising from the dead? Eeeeww.

KITTENS: DITTO!

OLD D: (continues) OH! And now I understand you're a God....

Well, at least that's what you said.

TUMBLE: Oh great. Another slow ballad with Old D? Wake me when this thing is over..

VERONI: (smiles and points at the conductor)

JEMI: We have one of those??

VERONI: Since I just wrote so, IT IS SO!

(The music strikes up in a catchy tune that seems like it would be better suited for "Follies" than for this show, but that's what makes it so special!)

OLD D: (looks at Veroni like: "What the heck is this?", but sings)

So you are the Christ? You're the great Munkus Christ?

Prove to me that you're devine--

Change my water into wine!

JELLY: Please don't. We've been making great progress at those AA meetings.

OLD D: (starting to get into it) That's all you need do

And I'll know it's all true!

C'mon you king of the mews!

CATS: (groan at Old D's last line)

VERONI: What? It rhymed alright!

OLD D: Munkus, you just won't believe the hit you've made around here!

You're all we talk about! The wonder of the year!

OH WHAT A PITY if it's all a lie!

Still I'm sure that you can rock the cynics if you try!

(slides off his tire and picks up a vaudeville style hat and cane)

So you are the Christ? You're the great Munkus Christ?

Proove to me that you're no fool--

Walk across my swimming pool!

Do that for me, then I'll let you go free

C'mon king of the mews!

JENNY: Seeing Old D this way gets creepier every time it happens in these parodies...

LEC: No kiddin'.

JEMI: I don't see how it could get worse.

(Old D points to the conductor with a wink)

OLD D: Hit it boy!

JEMI: I stand corrected.

CET: You're sitting.

OLD D: (starts doing a kickline type step) Hey.... aren't... you....

Scared of me, Christ? Mr. Wonderful Christ?

You're a joke--- You're not the Lord!

You're nothin but a fraud!

Take him away! He's got nothing to say!

GET OUT YOU KING OF THE...

GET OUT YOU KING OF THE...

GET OUT YOU KING OF THE ME-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EWS!

CATS: (back away slowly)

OLD D: What?

VERONI: That was awesome, Old D... it's just that.... we-ell...

LEC: The thought of you starring in a vaudeville show gives us the creeps?

JEMI: Extreme.

(Munkus is taken away for a return visit to Macavilate. Meanwhile, Pouncer and Mary Magdemlene reflect upon all that's happened in the past hour or so of rock opera fun. As they sing, we see shots of Munkus being shunted from government official to government official.)

VERONI: Alright Pounce, let's see if you can do ANYTHING touching and sentimental.

POUNCE: HEY! I can do heavy and dramatic!

VERONI: Pffft! I'd have to see it to believe it!

POUNCE: (tosses his head and sticks his nose up in the air) Prepare to be DAZZLED!

VERONI: He's been hanging around Munku and Griz too much.

DEM: (sings) I've been living to see you

Dying to see you, but it shouldn't be like this

This was unexpected. What do I do now?

Could we start again, please?

POUNCE: I think you've made your POI-OI-OI-OINT now

JEMI: What was THAT?

POUNCE: The guy on the CD sings it that way!

JEMI: And you wonder why I laugh whenever Veroni puts that track on the stereo?

POUNCE: At least I never had to sing "Tomorrow" or "It's a Hard-Knock Life"!

(quickly jumps back up on stage next to Dem and sings with her before Jemima can say anything more)

BOTH: You've even gone a bit too far

To get the message home.

POUNCE: Before it gets too frightening

We ought to call a halt

DEM: So could we start again, please?

I've been living to see you

Dying to see you, but it shouldn't be like this

This was unexpected. What do I do now?

Could we start again, please?

POUNCE: I think you've made your point now!

BOTH: You've even gone a bit too far

To get the message home.

VERONI: Wow. Pounce really CAN sing after all.

JEMI: I am shocked beyond words.

TUMBLE: And yet you're speaking.

JEMI: You should talk! You're as bad as Pounce is!!

POUNCE: (looks like he wants to say "HEY!" but has to sing and can't get it out in time) Before it gets too frightening

We ought to call a halt

DEM: So could we start again, please?

POUNCE: Could we start again, please?

DEM: Could we start again, please?

POUNCE: Could we start again, please?

TUMBLE: NO WAY!!! If we start this thing over, we'll be here FOREVER!

POUNCE and DEM: SHADDAP!!

MATT: Okee...let's get on with this before someone gets hurt here...

JULIE: Problem. Macavity was Priest #3, and he's needed in this scene, and since he's already Pilate...

MATT: OH ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT!

TUMBLE: Now THIS ought to be fun.

TUGGER: Matt, before you go on...I'm a bit nervous about this next scene. I mean, that noose is eighty feet up! What if something happens?

MATT: Relax, Tugger, I have it taken care of.

BUSTOPHER: (walking in after stuffing himself) What did I miss?

TUMBLE: Not much. Just the usual smart cracks. But they weren't the same without you.

POUNCE: Translation--I couldn't get in any fat jokes!

(So anyway, Judas is starting to feel some remorse for his part in arresting Munkus...)

TUGGER: My Everlasting Cat! I saw him--he looked three-quarters dead

And he was so bad I had to turn my head

You beat him so hard that he was bent and lame

And I know who everybody's gonna blame

I don't believe he knows I acted for our good

I'd save him all this suffering if I could

Don't believe..our good...save him...if I could...

JENNY: AH! So remorse finally comes to the Tugger!

MATT: Cut the confessions, forget the excuses

I don't understand why you're filled with remorse

All that you've said has come true with a vengeance

The mob turned against him--you backed the right horse

(scampers back to the director's chair)

RUMPUS: What you have done will be the saving of Israel

You'll be remembered forever for this

And not only that you've been paid for your efforts

Pretty good wages for one little kiss

BOMB: Again, I'm not touching that one.

TUGGER: MUNKUS!! I know you can't hear me

But I only did what you wanted me to

MUNKUS!! I'd sell out the nation

For I have been saddled with the murder of you

I have been spattered with innocent blood

I shall be dragged through the slime and the mud

I have been spattered with innocent blood

I shall be dragged through the slime and the mud

I don't know how to love him

I don't know why he moves me

He's a tom, he's just a tom

He's not a king, he's just the same

MUNKU: 'Bout time you recognized that, Tugger!

TUGGER: (hisses at Munkustrap and continues)

As anyone I know

He scares me so

When he's cold and dead will he let me be?

Does he love me too? Does he care for me?

My mind is darkness now, my God I am sick I've been used

And you knew all the time

Everlasting Cat! I'll never ever know why you chose me for your crime

For your foul bloody crime

You have murdered me...you have murdered me...

OTHER CATS: Poor old Judas

So long Judas

(And Judas climbs to a high pile of junk and hangs himself...however a problem DOES arise...)

BOMB: Uh, Matt, shouldn't you do something?

MATT: Why? He's making his hanging look VERY convincing.

BOMB: Yeah, but I don't think he's supposed to turn that particular shade of blue.

CET: EEEEEEEEK! SOMEONE SAVE HIM!

TUGGER: (barely able to get these words out) Matt, you are sooooo *gasp* dead!

(Mistoffolees sees this and zaps the rope in two, saving the Tugger...but there's another problem...that 80 foot drop back to the stage...)

MATT: Quick, Bustopher, get under him!

BUSTOPHER: Why me?

MATT: Don't argue...see where he's falling? GET OVER THERE!

(And so he does, and the Tugger plummets the rest of the way down...landing right on Bustopher's midsection.)

BUSTOPHER: OOOF!

TUGGER: Bustopher...Mistoffolees...you two saved my life!

BUSTOPHER: (rubbing his bruised stomach) Don't remind me!

VERONI: Oh TUGGER!! Thank the Everlasting Cat you're alright!!!

TUGGER: Wow. (wipes away a tear) You DO care about me!! Come here and give me a hug!!

VERONI: Uhm.... ew? Sorry if you misunderstood, but I was afraid your unfortunate death (glares at Matt and the prop department) would have forced me to recast 1776!!

TUGGER: (mouth hangs open) In that case..... (flat voiced) I. Am. So. Glad. I. Lived. To. Parody. Another. Day.

CET: Don't worry Tugger baby!! WE LOVE YOU!!!

JEMI: Mmmmmmm....

LEC: Lemme at the hunk of yummy tom goodness!!!

TUGGER: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!