(The theater is set up with a bunch of fake trees and cottages, the whole CATS cast is milling around)

MUNKU- I wonder who it is this time

DEM- I have my money on Veroni, she always makes us do the weird parodies

DANI- Hello my thespian kittys

CATS- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

MISTO- What are you doing here??

DANI- I'm the director, I'm directing!

VICKY- I thought you were only doing CATARET!!

DANI- I thought so too but I had so much fun I wanted to do another one, anyway I'm home sick and have nothing better to do.

TANT- Why do we all need to be here?

DANI- I need a huge cast, We're doing Into the Woods

TUGGER- Couldn't mess with the title huh?

DANI- Nope

GRIZ- I'm ready for my close up, Mr. Demill

DANI- Oh goodie, places everyone! Places!!!

CATS- (groan and get ready)

(Scene one: Three cottages are set up, one with Mungo and Rumple, one with Bomb, and one with Misto and Jenny)

MUNKU- Once upon a time

BOMB- I wish

POUNCE- We didn't have to do this parody?

DANI- I could give you a part you know....

POUNCE- I'll be good

MUNKU- In a far off Kingdom

POUNCE- New Jersey!

BOMB- More then anything

MUNKU- Lived a fair maiden

BOMB- More then life!

MUNKU- A sad young tom

BOMB- More then cat-nip!

DANI- THAT'S NOT THE LINE!!

BOMB- What am I going to do with jewels? It's more beliveable this way!

DANI- ( hits her head against the wall)

MISTO- I wish!

MUNKU- A kittenless baker

MISTO- More then life

BOMB+MUNGO- I wish!

MUNKU- and his wife

MISTO- More then anything

JEM- I'm confused, this is confuseing...of the confusable.

DANI- It'll straighten out later.

BOMB, MISTO,&MUNGO- More then the moon

RUMPLE- I wish!

BOMB- The king is giving a festivel!

MUNGO+RUMPLE- More then life!

MISTO- I wish

BOMB- I wish to go to the festivel

MUNGO+RUMPLE- More then Cat-nip!

DANI- (hits her head against the wall repeatedly)

MISTO- I wish my cow would give us some milk

MUNKU- To blunt the pain of doing this parody.

BOMB- and the ball!

RUMPLE- More then anythin'

BOMB- More then anything!

MUNGO-I wish we 'ad a kitten

MISTO- Please pal-

RUMPLE- I want a kitten...

POUNCE- Wow Rumple two parodies in row you have a kitten, that' got to be a record!

LEC- I guess she's not on the pill.

MISTO-Squeeze pal

POUNCE- Why is Misto talking to a cow?

LEC- Who knows?

MUNGO+RUMPLE- I wish we could 'ave a kitten,

MISTO-I wish you'd give us some milk, or even cheese

BOMB-I wish to go to the festivel

ALL- I wish

(Bombarella's stepmother and two stepsisters, Lecrinda and Cetrinda, enter)

JENNY- You wish to got to the festivel?

TUGGER- What are you deaf? she just said that about ten times!

MUNKU- the poor queen's mother had died

JENNY- You Bombarella the festivel?

you wish to go to the festivel?

SKIMBLE- Hello are you paying any attention at all to what she's been saying for the past 20 lines?

LEC- What? You Bombarella the festivel? The festivel?

CET- The festivel?

CATS- YES! SHE WANTS TO GOT TO THE FESTIVEL!!!!

MUNKU- Not the fastest learners are they?

ALL THREE- YOU? The KING'S FESTIVEL??

CATS- ( Groan and hold up signs that say " SHE WANTS TO GO TO THE FESTIVEL)

MUNKU- And her father had taken a new wife

JENNY- the festivel...

MUNKU- A woman with two daughters of her own

POUNCE- Great what is this fractured fairytales?

LEC- Look at your claws

CET- Look at your dress

JENNY- People would laugh at you!

BOMB- Nevertheless,

I still want to go to the festivel

and dance before the prince!

JENNY, LEC, & CET- She still wants to got ot the festivel and dance before the prince???!!!

TUGGER- EVERLASTING CAT!!, get these people a hearing aid!

MUNKU- All were beautiful of face but black of heart

POUNCE- and hard of hearing.

MUNKU- Jack, on the other hand had no father and his mother...

JELLY- I wish...

MUNKU- Was not quiet beautiful...

KITTENS- (cracking up)

JELLY- (hisses) I wish my son were not a fool

TUGGER- Ohhhh dissing you bigtime Misto!

MISTO- Hey! What gives?

JELLY-I wish my house were not a mess

I wish the cow was full of milk

I wish the walls were full of gold

I wish alot of things....

(There are two knocks at the bakers door, it is Little Red Jemmy Hood)

POUNCE- Type casting if I ever saw it

VICKY- You as gorilla was pretty good too.

RUMPLE- Why, come in little girl!

JEM- I wish...

It's not for me, it's for my granny in the woods

a loaf of bread please-

to bring my poor ol' hungrey granny in the woods...

just a loaf of bread please

JENNY- Isn't she sweet!

JELLY- Just adorable

JEM- (mumbles some words that would REALLY blow a PG rating)

(Mungo gives her a loaf of bread)

MUNKU- Bombarella's stepmother had a surprise for her

(Jenny throws a pot of lentils into the ashes)

JENNY- I have emptied a pot of lentils into the ashes for you, if you can pick them out again in two hours time you shall go to the ball with us

DEM- oh look they finally figured out that she wanted to go to the ball!

(Stepmother and stepsisters leave)

JEM- (in the bakers cottage) And perhaps a sticky bun....

Or four?

BOMB- ( in her cottage) Birds in the sky, birds in the eves and the leaves and the castles and ponds...

JEM- And a few of those pies?

BOMB- Come birds! down from the eves and the leaves and the castles and ponds

MISTO-( in his cottage) No, squeeze pal

BOMB- AhhhhhAhhhhahhhhhaaaa

(Birds descend...birds descend..................... BIRDS DESCEND)

DANI- Where are the birds?????

POUNCE- *Erp* what birds?

DANI- Agh!! You ate the birds??

POUNCE- Well I am a cat

DANI- Good grief! Misto? A little help here?

MISTO- *sigh* sure sure, all part of being a magical cat (makes birds appear and they start to pick through the ashes)

DANI- Thanks Misto

BOMB- Quick birds,

flick through the ashes

pick and peck

but swiftly sift through the ashes

into the pot!

(Birds start picking lentils out from the fireplace)

LEC- Couldn't she just use a vacum cleaner?

JELLY- (in her cottage) Listen well son, Milky-white must be taken to market

MISTO- I can't belive I have to say this.... but mother no! He's the best cow!

JELLY- Look at *HER*

There are bugs on her dugs

there are flies in her eyes

theres a lump on her rump going up to be a hump!

MISTO- But...

JELLY- Son,

we've no time to sit and dither

while her whithers wither with her

CASS- Whoa maybe she should do the Pekes and The Pollicles next year

MUNKU- Hey!

JELLY- And no one keeps a cow for a friend!

Sometimes a I fear you're touched!

(Little red Jemmy hood has been compulsivly eating sweets at the bakers house: she now finishes and wipes her hands and mouth)

JENNY- Manners young lady!

JEM- ( to the baker and his wife)

Into the woods

it's time to go

I hate to leave

I have to though

Into the woods

it's time and so

I must begin my journey

Into the woods

and through the trees

to where I am

expected mam'

(Still taking baked goods while the baker and his wife try to move stuff out of reach)

JEM- Into the woods to Grandmother's house

(mouth full) Into the woods to grandmother's house!

RUMPLE- You're certain of your way?

JEM- The way is clear, the light is good,

I have no fear nore no one should

TUGGER- Famous last words

JEM- The woods are just trees

the trees are just wood

(Arms full of snacks)

I sorta hate to ask it but do you have a basket?

TANT- No! She's not greedy!

MUNGO- (hands her a basket) Don' stray and be late

RUMPLE- An' save some of those sweets for granny

JEM- Into the woods and down the dell

the path is straight I know it well

into the woods and who can tell what's waiting on the journey

MISTO- This might be a shot in the dark, but I'm going to say somthing not good.

JEM- Into the woods to bring some bread to granny who is sick in bed,

never can tell what lies ahead

For all that I know she's already dead

SKIMBLE- She obviously really cares...

JEM- But into the woods

into the woods

into the woods to grandmothers house

and home before dark!

BOMB- (back at her cottage) Fly birds!

back to he sky

Back to the eves and the leaves and the castles and----

(Birds fly away but attack Pounce)

POUNCE- AHHH! GET'EM OFF!! THE BIRDS THE BIRDS!!

MISTO- Oh... did I forget to mention that part?

DANI- Alfred Hitchock flash back

MISTO- ( waves his hands and the birds disappear)

DANI- Thanks

MISTO- No problem

LEC- Hurry up and do my hair, Bombarella

(to Cet) Are you really wearing that?

CET-Here I found a little tear, Bombarella

(to Lec) can't you hide it with a hat?

BOMB- You look beautiful!

LEC- I know

CET- She means me

TANT- Whoa her ego could compete with Tugger's!

LEC- ( to Bomb) Put it in a twist

CET- Who will be there?

(The two of them keep babbleing)

BOMB- (To herself) Mother said be good,

mother said be nice

POUNCE- What's the fun in that?

BOMB-that was always her advice

So be nice Bombarella

good Bombarealla

nice, good nice, nice

LEC- Tighter!

BOMB- What's the good of being good?

If everyone is blind

VICKY- and deaf

BOMB-and you're always left behind

Never mind Bombarella

Kind Bombarella

TUGGER- Yikes, someone's bitter

BOMB-( accenting each word with a twist of Lecrinda's hair)

Nice good nice kind good nice

LEC- (screams and slaps Bombarella) NOT THAT TIGHT!!!

BOMB- Sorry

LEC- Clod

CET- he he he... ( Lecrinda glares at her) he he (stops)

BOMB- Ow! Electra, stage fighting only please!

LEC- Sorry, got a little carried away there.

MUNKU- Because the baker had lost his father and mother in a baking accident...

CATS-( give him a puzzled look) Huh?

CASS- A baking accident?

MUNKU- Or at least that's what he believed

MISTO- (holding a flashlight) the truth is out there.

MUNKU- he was eager to start a family of his own and concerned that all efforts had failed.

TUGGER- Did he try Viagra?

MUNGO- Can I kill 'im??

RUMPLE- Don' worry Mungo love, Tuggers jus' teasin' any way Bomb told me of a little incident....

TUGGER- I gottta go!!!! ( runs)

(Knock on the bakers door)

MUNGO- Who might that be?

RUMPLE- We 'ave sold our last loaf of bread

MUNGO- (panicked) It's the witch from next door!!!

(Witch enters.... dressed like the Miss. Grizones from "How to Succeed"???)

DANI- ACK!! GRIZ!! WRONG PLAY!!!

GRIZ-(singing) In the brotherhood of toms

DANI- Go change!!!

TUGGER- (makes the universel signel for nutcase)

(Griz gets into her real costume)

( *ahem* Witch enters)

RUMPLE+MUNGO- We 'ave no bread

GRIZ- Of COURSE you have no bread

MISTO- And the play ends from lack of bread?

DANI- Not likely

MISTO- darn

MUNGO- What do you wish?

GRIZ- It's not what I wish , it's what YOU wish (points to Rumple's belly) Nothing cooking down there now, is there

MUNKU- The old enchatress explains she had placed a spell on there house

MUNGO- What spell?!!

GRIZ- When you were just a kitten your father brought his young wife and you to this cottage. They were a handsome couple, but not handsome neighbors

TUGGER- ( in little old lady voice) They left the radio blaring at at all hours of the gosh-darn night!

DANI- Do I have to resort to the socks?

TUGGER- ( shakes his head no)

DANI- Good.

GRIZ- You see, your mother was with kitten

DEM- Which seems to be a ongoing theme in this family.

GRIZ- and she had devloped an unusual appitite

POUNCE- Like those people who want pickles and ice cream?

GRIZ-She took one look at my beautiful garden and told your father what she wanted more then anything in the world was...

GREENS greens,

nothing but greens

parsely peppers, cabbages and cellery

Asparagus

GUS- Huh? wha?

JELLY- Not you Gus

GUS- Oh alright, did I ever tell you about the time....

DANI- Maybe later Gus ( motions for Griz to start talking before they have to listen to Gus)

GRIZ- and watercress, fiddlefurns and lettuce

He said alright,

but it wasn't quite

'cause I caught him

in my garden

in the autumn

one night

TUGGER- And the tounge twisters just keep on coming...

GRIZ- He was robbing me

raping me

rooting through my Ruabagh

raiding my arugahla

and ripping up my rampion

my champion my favorite

DEM- Dang, last parody was pineapple, this one is salad these people have serious vegie fixation.

GRIZ- I should have layed a spell on him right there!

Turned him into stone

or a dog

CATS- AAAAAHHHHHHHH, RUN!!!!!

DANI- Cool it, Griz can't really turn you into dogs

CATS- ( wearily make their way back to the stage)

GRIZ- Or a chair

But I let 'im have the rampion I've lots to spare

in return however I said fair is fair

You'll let me have the kitten that your wife will bare

LEC- Wait, lemme get this straight, a kitten for vegetables?

DEM- I don't think I see the fairness in that

MUNKU- Besides it being seriously against the law

GRIZ- And we'll call it square

MUNGO- I 'ad a brother??!!

GRIZ- NO! But you had a sister...

MUNKU- But the witch refused to tell him more of his sister, not even that her name was Caspunzel

CASS- You weren't kidding when you said you needed all of us were you?

DANI- Nope, I might not need a few of the guys but things are getting tight and I might even need to call in some of your relatives

TUGGER- Oh no, not the siamese squad!!

DANI- It might be either that or you guys cross-dress.

POUNCE- I say we let Cass's reletive's help out.

DANI- We might not need them, hang on...

MUNKU- She went on:

GRIZ- I thought I had been more the reasonable, that we all might live happily ever after, but how was I to know what he had hidden in his pockett?! You see, I inherited this garden from my mother

BOMB- Who wants jewelry or clothing or even furniture, when you can get a garden?

MUNKU- They were probably pretty happy with it seeing how they all love fruits and veggies so much.

GRIZ- She warned me that I would be punished if I ever was to loose any of the beans

RUMPLE+MUNGO- Beans????

GRIZ- THE SPECIAL BEANS! I was watching him crawl back over the wall, when BANG CRASH! the lightening flashed, but that's another story never mind

DANI- (mouthing the lines from backstage)

TUGGER- Hey how do you know the lines

DANI- I was in this one!

GRIZ- Anyway-- at last the big day came, to make my claim,

don't take away the kitten they shrieked and screeched

but I did

and I hid her where she'll never be reached!

And your father cried and your mother died

but fo extra measure

I must admit

it was a pleasure

I said " Sorry I'm still not molified"

and I layed a little spell on them

You too, son

CATS-( Trying to keep up with the lyrics)

TUGGER- My head! Owie.

GRIZ- That your family tree

would forever be a barren one

( cackles and Misto uses his magic to lift her up in the chair)

MISTO- Umph, Geez Griz, you're heavy!

GRIZ- And there's no more fuss

and there's no more scenes and my garden thrieves

you shoud see my nectarines

But I'm telling you the same I told kings and queens

QUEENS- Huh?

DANI- Urghhhh ( bangs her head against the wall again)

GRIZ- Never ever ever mess around with my greens!

( bum bum) especially the beans!

JELLY- ( in her cottage) Now listen here Jack. Lead milky-white to market and

and fetch the best price you can for her

MISTO- What do I look like a pollicle? Cats don't fetch anything

JELLY- I want five pounds, no less do you understand?

MISTO- Yes

JELLY- How much?

MISTO- No more then five pounds!

JELLY- ( pinches his ear) LESS, NO LESS then five pounds!!

MISTO- OWW leggo! I'm very delicate!!

JELLY- Jack jack jack, head in a sack

the house is getting colder

this is no time for dreaming!

Chimney-stack

starting to crack

the mice are getting bolder

TUGGER- Ohh looks like Jenny's lying down on the job!

MUNKU-(singing) And that's what makes a gumbie cat....

BOMB, JELLY & DEM- (singing) buuuut, when the day's husttle and bustle is done, then the gumbie cats's work is but hardly begun...

DANI- WRONG PLAY!!!

JELLY- The floor has gone slack

Your mother's getting older

your father's not back

you can't just sit here dreaming pretty dreams!

To wish and wait from day to day

will never keep the wolves away

TUGGER- Then just try new Wolf Away, by Brothers Grim skin products, guarenteed to get rid of wolves or your money back!

JELLY- Sooo into the woods the time is now

we have to live

I don't care how

Into the woods to sell the cow

you must begin the journey

straight through the woods

And don't delay

we have to face

the market place

Into the woods to journey's end....

MISTO- (rolls eyes at his diologe) Into the woods to sell a friend!

JELLY- Someday you'll have a real pet Jack

MISTO- A piggy??!!

CATS- (cracking up)

MISTO- I can't believe I have to do this

DANI- It's part of somthing called ACTING, I'm sure you'e familer with it.

JELLY- (shakes her head in disbelif and pushes Jack out the door)

MUNKU- Meanwhile, the witch, for purposes of her own, exlains how the baker might lift the spell:

GRIZ- You wish to have the curse reversed I'll need a certain potion first

go into the the woods and bring me back one, the cow as white as milk

CET- Ewwwwww.

GRIZ- Three the fur as yellow as corn

Four: the slipper as pure as gold

MISTO- Ye old scavenger hunt.

GRIZ-Bring me these things before the stroke of mid-night

In three days time

and you shall have I guarentee

a Kitten as perfect as kitten can be

GO INTO THE WOODS!!

(disappears, thanks to our favorite magical cat in the tech both)

MISTO- I have to be a techie and have a part? This bites!!

JENNY- ( back at their cottage) Ladies! Our carrige awaits!

BOMB- May I go to the festivel?

JENNY- the festivel?

JEM- For Everlasting Cats sake! Not this again!!

JENNY- Darling those claws

darling those clothes

lentils are one thing but

darling with those,

you'd make us the fools of the festivel

and mortify the prince!

OLD D- The carriage is waiting

JENNY- We must be gone! ( they exit with a flourish)

DEM- How exactly does one "exit with a flourish?"

JENNY- Like this ( exits with a flourish)

DEM- Oh right, that helped

BOMB- Goodnight father

OLD D- (grunts and exits)

BOMB- I wish.... (cries)

JELLY- Awwww

JENNY-It's alright dear!

DANI- ACTING!! IT'S IN THE SCRIPT!!! YOU TWO OFF STAGE!!!

TUGGER- Whoa, I think director girl is having a break down

DANI- Sorry just letting off a little steam

CATS- (back away slowly)

MUNGO- look what I found in father's 'unting jackett!

RUMPLE- Six beans?

MUNGO- I wonder if these are the---

RUMPLE- Witch's beans? We'll take 'em with us

MUNGO- No you are not comin'!

RUMPLE- I know you are fearful of the woods at night!

TUGGER- Hehe Mungo's scared of the dark!!

MUNGO- You said I could kill 'im later! It's later!!

DANI- After the play you can talk to Veroni about it.

MUNGO- The spell is on my 'ouse only I can lift the spell!

RUMPLE- No, no, the spell is on our 'ouse!

we must lift the spell toghter!

The spell is on our 'ouse!

MUNGO- No! You aren't comin' and that's final! now what am I to return with?

RUMPLE- (annoyed) You don' remeber?

The cow as white as milk

the cape as red as blood

the 'fur as yellow as corn

the slipper as pure as gold!

MUNGO- (trying to memorize it)

The cow as white as milk

the cape as red as blood

the fur as yella as corn

the slipper as pure as gold ( continues saying this)

CET- Not the fastest learner his he?

TUGGER- Everyone in this play has to have everything repeated 20 times.

MUNKU- (over the baker) So reluctently he set off to meet the enchatresses demands, As for Bombarella

BOMB- I still wish to go to the festivel

How am I to get to the festivel?

LEC- A car, a bus, a horse, a bike---

DANI- Only one of which was actully around back then!!!

POUNCE- Yeah bikes have been around forever

DANI- ( hits her head against the already dented wall)

MUNGO- (Over Bombarella) The cow as white as milk

the cape as red as blood

'fur as yella as corn

the ---

RUMPLE- Slipper....

MUNGO- Slipper as pure as gold

BOMB- (over the baker and his wife) I know

I'll visit mothers grave

the grave at the hazel tree

And tell her I just want to go to the festivel

Go to the king's festivel

LEC- And "grave" insinuateing that her mother is dead that would help...how?

MUNGO- the cow, the cape, the slipper

RUMPLE- The fur!!!!

DEM- Geez, don't these people ever take turns?? everyone is talking at once!

MUNGO+BOMB- Into the woods it's time to go

It may be vain,you and I know

Into the woods

and even so

I have to take the journey

MUNGO+ RUMPLE- Into the woods

the path is straight I know it well

into the woods but who can tell----

Into the woods ta' lift the spell!

BOMB- Into the woods to vist mother!

TUGGER- Who just so happens to be six feet under

RUMPLE- Into the woods ta' fetch the things...

MISTO- Again with the fetching.

MUNGO- Ta' make the potion

BOMB- To go to the festivel!

JEM- (comes skipping by) Into the woods to grandmothers house!

Into the woods to grandmothers house!

ALL- The way is clear,

the light is good

we have no fear nore no one should

the woods are just trees

CET- (holding a camera up to her face, tear in eye) I'm so sorry

MISTO- CET would you stop with the *beep* and the *beep beep*

DANI- WRONG PARODY!!

RUMPLE+ MUNGO- The trees are just wood!

ALL- No need to be afraid there

MUNGO+BOMB- There's somthin' in the glade there!!

DEM- Geez these people are paranoid

DANI- ( smirks and breaks a window)

DEM- MACAVITY!!

DANI- Do I even have to say look who's talking?

DEM- Hey I had a traumatic kittenhood lay off!

ALL- Into the woods without delay and

careful not to loose the way!

into the woods who knows what may be lurking

on the journey

Into the woods to get the thing

TUGGER- Yeah the thing, that goes on the thing, that you use for that thing, you know! The thing!!

ALL- That makes it worth the journeying

Into the woods!

JENNY, CET, LEC- To see the king!

JELLY+MISTO- To sell the cow!

RUMPLE+MUNGO- ta' make the potion!!

ALL- To see..

to sell

to get

to bring

to make

to lift

POUNCE- Who had to lift somthing?

DANI- (shrugs)

CASS- I think they were just throwing verbs in there

BOMB- To go to the festivel!

ALL- Into the woods and out of the woods

and home before dark!

(Set changes, cottages roll out of the way and trees roll in)

MISTO- I know I'm going to regret asking this, but is that it?

DANI- ( breaks out laughing)

VICKY- Uh-oh, that ain't good

DANI- *laugh* That *laugh* was *laugh*

MUNKU- Yeah very bad....

DANI- That was only the first song!!!

CATS- AHHHHHHHHH!! ( Twilight zone music)

POUNCE- You are about to enter a place where parodies go on forever, a place not of....

DANI- Oh quit it, all the songs aren't that long, so get cracking! places!!

BOMB- Great just great..

MUNKU- Bombarella had planted a branch at the grave of her mother,

and her many tears had watered it untill it had become a handsome tree

BOMB-I've been good and I've been kind, mother

Doing only what I learned from you

Why then am I left behind mother

Is there somthing more that I should do

What's wrong with me mother?

Something must be wrong!

LEC- Well for one you're talking to a tree

DANI- EEEPP! Character recycling, JELLY!!!!

JELLY- Oh yes, this parody wasn't confusing enough already.

BOMB- I wish!

(The ghost of Bombarella's mother appears in the tree)

MISTO- We see dead people.

JELLY- ( as Bombarella's mother)

Do you know what you wish?

Are you certain what you wish is what you want?

If you know what you wish

ask the tree

POUNCE- Dear tree, please end this parody and smite the evil director! Amen.

DANI- ( spills coffee in Pounce's lap) Opps spilled my coffee

POUNCE- (jumps up) AHH IT BURNS IT BURNS!!

BOMB- Shimmer and glimmer little tree

silver and gold rain down on me

(Birds carry a silver ballgown and golden shoes down)

I'm off to get my wish!!

(runs off)

(Jack is roaming around the forest, is he greeted by a mystrious man you stays just long enough to say:)

MUNKU- (dressed in rags) You'd be lucky to exchange your cow for a sack of beans!!

CET-More recycling?

DANI- No, that's actully in the play, the narator is supposed to play the mysterious man.

(In another part of the forest Little red Jemmy Hood encounters a wolf)

MAC- Good day young lady

JEM- Good day Mr. Wolf!

MAC- ( grunts lasciviously as he watches Little Red Jemmy Hood skip about)

Mmmmhhhh

Uhhhhh

Look at that flesh, pink and plump

JEM- HEY!!! ( Hits him repeatedly with her baskett)

MAC- Owwww, medic

DANI- That's not in the script!!!

JEM- He called me plump!!

DANI- You're not supposed to be able to hear him!

JEM- But I CAN hear him he's just standing over there!!

MUNGO- I wanna finish this soon so 'ere ( hands her ear plugs)

DANI- Hey thanks!

MUNGO- No problem.

MAC- (rubbing his head) Tender and fresh, not one lump

DANI- (motions for Jem to take her ear plugs out)

MAC-Hello little queen, what's your rush

Your missing all the flowers

the sun won't set for hours

take your time

JEM- Mother said straight ahead

not to delay or be misled

POUNCE- Who ever listens to their moms?

MAC- But slow little queen, hark and hush

the birds are singing sweetly

POUNCE- (hides at the mention of birds)

MAC- You'll miss the birds completely

You're traveling so fleetly

Grandmother first then Miss Plu.....

DANI- SKIP IT!!!!

MAC- what a delectable couple, one brittle, one supple---

one moment my dear!!!!

JEM- Mother said "come what may, follow the path and never stray"

CASS- Seeing how this story goes, I doubt she listens to mommy.

MAC- Just so little queen, any path

so many worth exploring

just one can be so boring

And look what you're ignoreing

First come those crisp ageing bones

then something fresh on the palet

DEM- This is getting gross

MISTO- Getting?

VICKY- That ship has sailed.

MAC- There's no possiable way, to desricbe how you feel

when your talking to your meal

JEM- Mother said not to stray,

but granny might like a fresh bouquet!

Good bye Mr. Wolf (leaves)

MAC- Good bye little queen

And helllllllloooooooooo ( howls)

DEM- You just love to freak us out don't you?

DANI- It's what I live for!

MAC- I can't believe I play a dog.

DANI- You're not a dog you're a wolf,

MAC- Oh that's alot better thanks ( goes off grumbleing)

MUNKU- Unknown to the Wolf and Little red Jemmy hood, the baker has wittnessed the whole scene and is concerned for the little girl's safty, but the witch admonishes him to forget about the girl and go after her cape "as red as blood", unfoutuneatly the baker is so frazzled, he forgets the ingredients to the spell

LEC- That's just because he only hears it 20 times.

MUNGO- The cow as pure as gold the slipper as yella as corn the....

MUNKU- Luckily his wife, looking for any excuse to join him...

RUMPLE- (from behind a tree) The cow as white as milk the cape as red as blood the fur as yellow as corn the slipper as pure as gold,

MUNGO- What are you doing 'ere???!!!

RUMPLE- You forgot your scarf?

MUNGO- (rolls his eyes) GO 'OME!

(An arguement ensues about wheather she should return home but they stop fighting as Jack passes by )

RUMPLE- The cow, as white as * milk *

MUNGO- 'EY! Are you looking to sell the fine creature?

MISTO- Oh yes! My mother wanted me to bring her to markett

MUNGO- 'Ow much are you askin'?

MISTO- (trying hard to remember) No less then five pounds!!

MUNKU-The bakers's wife suggests that Jack swap the cow for five of their six beans, which she leads him to believe are magic.

JENNY- Shame shame dear, lying is wrong

POUNCE- You're telling this to cats who make their living stealing?

JENNY- Oh yes...forgot for a moment.

MUNKU- Jack agrees to the exchange and bids a tearful farewell to his beloved cow.

POUNCE- I think now would be a bad time to tell what hambuger is made of.

MISTO- (to the cow) I guess this is the end ol' pal

CATS- (start to giggle)

MISTO- You've been the perfect friend

I hate to see us part ol' pal, but someday I'll buy you back

I'll see you soon again

I hope that when I do

It won't be on a plate

GRIZ- And they call me crazy!

MISTO- (runs off leaving the cow)

MUNGO- Magic beans?

RUMPLE- I 'ad to tell 'im somthing!

MUNGO- You 'ave no reason to belive they're magic!

MISTO- except you got them from a witch

RUMPLE- 'E wouldn't have gotton more for this creature

VICKY- Maybe he would have actully gotton a monatarty unit

MUNGO- Are we to dispel this curse through deceit?

DEM- Why not?

RUMPLE- If you know what you want

then you go

and you find it and you get it---

LEC- We want this parody to end.

MUNGO- ( pointing) 'OME!!

RUMPLE- Do we want a kitten or not?

and you give

and you take

and you bid

and you bargin

or you live to regret it

MUNGO- Will you PLEASE go 'ome??

CET- I don't think that's working.

RUMPLE- There are rights

and wrongs

and in betweens

no one waits while fortune intevenes

And maybe they're really magic, who knows?

Why you do

what do

that's the point

all the rest of it is chatter

MUNGO- (gesturing towards the cow) Look at 'er she's cryin!!!

MUNKU- Somebody's been going a bit heavy on the cat-nip...

RUMPLE- If the thing that you do

is pure intent

if it's ment

and it's just little bent

does it matter?

MUNGO- Yes

MUNKU- This is the perfect song for them

DEM- I'm surprised they haven't started doing cartwheels yet.

RUMPLE- NO! Everyone tells tiny lies

what's important really is the size!

TUGGER- *starts to snicker*

Dani- Gutter brain!!

RUMPLE- Only three more tries and we'll 'ave or prize

when the end's in sight you'll realize

if the ends it right

it justifies

the BEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAANNNNNNNSSSSSS

(Four glasses, a coffee mug, a crystel ducky,two windows, a bunch of empty liquer bottles and Bustopher's long breaking monocule shatter)

Bustopher- ( walks off mumbleing)I don't know why I even wear it any more I really don't, I'm the Saint James street cat for heavyside sake!

RUMPLE- I think Oi broke my "My Fair Jellicle" record.

MUNKU- The baker is upset about his wife's use of decite to secure the cow, and tells her to bring it home. Elsewhere the witch goes to vist Caspunzel, who spends her time singing and combing her fur.

CASS- What great hobbies, can't I build ships in a bottle, or do jig-saw puzzles?

GRIZ- Caspunzel, Caspunzel, let down your fur to me

CASS- (lets down a long wig "As Yellow as corn")

GRIZ- (starts to climb)

CASS- AAAAAAAHHHHHOWWWWWWWW!!!

DEM- That's not in the fairy tale!

DANI- Well she did have somebody climbing up her hair, it had to hurt.

MUNKU- Unknown to her is that she was seen by a Prince who is determined to ask Caspunzel to let her fur down to him the very next day. Meanwhile, elsewhere the baker is in pursuit of Little red Jemmy Hood who was swallowed by the wolf, who already ate grandma.

JEM- Ewwwwww, narsty.

MUNKU- As the baker passes by the cottage he hears the wolf dressed up like grandma snoring

MUNGO- What a big nose you 'ave, and big ears and big teeth... 'EY that ain't grandma!

TUGGER- How perceptive

MUNKU- The baker rescues them both from the wolf and is rewarded by Little Red Jemmy Hood

JEM- Here sir I remeber you admiring my cape, you can have it

MUNGO- Really? Thank ya'!

JEM- It's alright! Grandma says she'll skin the wolf for me and make me a new one from its pelt ( laughs evily )

BOMB- Now that's a kitten with layers...

SKIMBLE- Just keep her away from sharp objects

MUNKU- Back at his cottage Jack's mother isn't very pleased with the exchange

JENNY- Who would be? He trades a cow for 5 beans.

JELLY- BEANS???

MISTO- Magic beans!!!

JELLY- ( tosses them out the window)

VERONI- Uhm... OUCH!!

JELLY- Well, what were you doing down there?

VERONI- Would you believe checking the house's foundation for cracks?

CATS- Nuh-uh.

VERONI- Drat. Well, anyhow I belive my point was that we have to take an HTML break.

MISTO- But dictator--

JELLY- Director!

MISTO- Same difference. Director Dani over there will kill us if we stop here.

VERONI- And Angelfire will kill me if this file gets too long so just hold on tight and if we're lucky, she won't notice.