Veroni: Let's just get started, huh?!

(Welcome back to the classic plot-less musical. We return with another skit followed directly by a song or two... you know, the usual.)

Dem: (walks out onto the stage with her arms crossed, pouting) I couldn't decide if I wanted fudge marble, chocolate, rocky road, vanilla or chunky monkey. I finally decided on fudge marble. Then I had to choose between a plain or a sugar cone. I chose the sugar cone. SO what happened??! I walk out, and drop the whole thing on the sidewalk! Don't tell me my life isn't a Shakespearean tragedy!

Pounce: Your life isn't a shakespearean tragedy.

Dem: I said not to tell me that!

Pounce: Oh, but if I hadn't, I would be going against my character type. I am the wisecrack tom and you are all now supposed to rub your heads in frustration and reach for a bottle of headache pills.

Veroni: (groans and reaches for a bottle of headache medicine)

Pounce: Ahh.. that felt so comfortable and natural. I could just do it all again--

Veroni: BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA!

(Veroni pushes Pounce out on stage with Munku)

Pounce: Today is my Grandfather's Birthday Munklie Brown.

Munku: How old is he?

Pounce: 63.... it's hard to believe he was once a human being.

Jelly: POUNCIVAL! RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!

Pounce: (looks hurt) It wasn't me this time!

Munku: THIS

Pounce: (casts a sidelong glance and continues) It was in the script!

(the lights dim and come back up with Jenlucy leaning over Corhoeder's piano)

Jenny: Corhoeder? Do piano players make a lot of money?

Cori: Money? Who cares about MONEY? This is ART you BLOCKHEAD! This is GREAT MUSIC I'm playing! And playing great music is an ART! DO YOU HEAR ME?? An art! ART!!!! ART!!!! A-A-A-ART!!!!!

(Everyone backstage rub their ears in pain as Jenny attempts to continue the scene)

Jenny: You fascinate me.

(He sighs and starts playing a Beethoven piece. Suddenly, he stops and hits a very grand chord)

Jenny: What?

(Plays the chord again)

Jenny: What?

(Chord once more)

Jenny: (grabs him by the throat) WH-A-A-A-A-A-A-AT!???!!!

Cori: (breaks free and starts to sing)

Call the principal and hand him the news

We've got a holiday that he can't refuse!

A day of harmony, a day of music

Beethoven's Birthday!

Dem: (walks on, confused) Beethoven Day?

Cori: A reverential mission!

Pounce: Beethoven Day?

Cori: The hope of each musician!

No more am I the only guy

To stand up and say:

"HOORAY! BEETHOVEN HOORAY!"

Munku: (walks in, confused as well) Beethoven Day?

Bomb: (backstage, getting REALLY sick of the same question being asked over and over and over) YES THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!!! ENOUGH ALREADY!

Veroni: Calm down, Bomb! IT'S IN THE SCRIPT!

Bomb: Oh. Ooop-sie.

(The cast, having been interrupted numerous times already, skips WAY ahead to get this thing over with)

Cori: (everyone gathered around him like in a gospel choir)

Let's imagine it, that glorious hour

Filled with emotion, yet inspired with power!

As we all honor the man we adore

On the day we place the newest face

On Mount Rushmore!

All: (in four part harmony) MOUNT RUSHMORE!

All: (get back into the normal pulse of the music)

BEETHOVEN DAY!

Cori: A moment of reflection!

All: BEETHOVEN DAY!

Cori: A classical injection!

So facing this direction,

We begin it today!

All: BEETHOVEN HOORAY!

Cori: A musical collection everybody can play!

All: IT'S BEETHOVEN DAY!

Cori: The right of every tom and queen to stand up and say

All: WHOO!

Cori: HOORAY! BEETHOVEN HOORAY!

All: IT'S TIME FOR CELEBRATING BEETHOVEN WAY!

All: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA (to the tune of "Ode to Joy")

All: HOORAY!

(Blackout, changes to Misnoopy on his doghouse, early in the morning. Demally walks out with a horn and blows it VERY loudly.)

Dem: ALRIGHT! Everybody out for rabbit chasing!

Misto: Oh, good grief.

Bomb: My thoughts exactly.

Dem: Come on Misnoopy! UP AND AT 'EM! It's a magnificent day for chasing rabbits. The air is clear, the sun is shining, the fields and woodlands lay open and inviting!

Misto: If it's such a magnificent day, why spoil it for the rabbits?

(Demally blows the horn and Misnoopy screams)

Dem: Come ON Misnoopy! Where's the old thrill of the chase? Where's your spirit of adventure? WHAT KIND OF A DOG ARE YOU ANYWAY??

Misto: Actually, I'm a cat. I'm stuck here playing a dog bacause this off-her-rocker director is making me perform at risk of physical abuse or (thinks of Tugger and Juliet and the pinking shears) other unpleasant things...

Veroni: MISTO! STICK WITH THE SCRIPT!

Misto: (says it RIGHT) I'm a sleeping dog... you take it from there.

(She nags him for a few minutes more and he finally gives in. They begin the chase to the title theme from the movie "Lawrence of Arabia")

(Misto runs around, looking under prop bolders, trees, and.... female skirts?)

Bomb: (slaps Misto across the face)

(Dem looks around too, as the music changes to "The Bunny Hop" and they exit the stage in search of more furry rabit friends.)

Munku: (enters and watches the two as they leave, but is too caught up in his own problems to really care) Sometimes when you're depressed, all you want to do is nothing. All you want to do is lean your head on your arm and stare into space. Sometimes this can go on for hours. (long pause) If you're unusually depressed, you may have to change arms... (walks off as Misnoopy and Demally return)

(the theme from "Mission: Impossible" starts to play)

Dem: GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!!!!!

Misto: RO RO RO RO RO RO RO!!!!!!

Dem: LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT! (they slam into the backdrop and the set wobbles unsteadilly)

Veroni: How many times do I have to ask you to WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING??!!

(They shrug and start to sing again)

Both: CHASING RABBITS, CHASING RABBITS, CHASING RABBITS

CHASING RABBITS, CHASING RABBITS, CHASING RABBITS..

Pounce: Rabbits!

Cori: Rabbits!

Jenny: Rabbits!

Munku: RABBITS!

Bustopher: (walks in) Did someone say rabbit? (licks his lips) It's been so long since I had a good cut of hasenpfeffer...

Jemi: Hoss and who?

Veroni: Kinda like rabbit roast.

Jemi: Oh.... uhm, I think I feel an "eew" coming on..

Jenny: (writing in a notebook) Peter Rabbit is this stupid book

About this stupid rabbit

Who took vegitables from other people's gardens!

(speaks) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen.... hm. Eighty-three to go.

Cori: (a vagnarian opera strikes up) KILL DA WABBIT! KILL DA WABBIT! KILL----

Veroni: CORICOPAT!!!!

Cori: Sorry, doc!

Jenny: And where would we be without our Bugs Bunny references?

Jemi: In a better fic.

(Anyway, since Coricopat seems to have no interest in doing this song correctly and it was a pretty long secion ANYWAY, we'll skip ahead.... he is comparing the book inexplicably to Robin Hood)

Cori: Just then an arrow flew in. WING!

It was a sign for the fight to begin. ZING!

And then it looked like the sherriff would win, AH!

But not for long! Away they ran!

Just like rabbits, who run alot,

As you can tell from the story of Peter Rabbit

Which this report is about.

(Misnoopy and Demally pop up as Jenlucy continues counting words, Munklie Brown frets about when to begin work, Linounce over-analyzes the story to death and Corhoeder is off in his own little Robin Hood world.)

Dem & Misto: RABBITS! RABBITS! RABBITS! RABBITS! CHASING RABBITS!

Munku: (breaks in) How do they expect us to write a book report...

Jenny: There were VEGITABLES in the garden...

Munku: ... of any quality in just three days?

Jenny: ... such as carrots, and spinach, and onions...

Munku: How can they conspire to make life so miserable?!

And so effectively in so many ways??

Jenny: (singing at the same time as what Munku is singing above)

... and lettuce, and turnips,

and parsley, and okra, and cabbage,

and string beans, and parsnips,

tomatoes, potatoes, asparagus,

cauliflower, rhubarb, and CHIVES!

Pounce: (appears from behind a massive pile of books he's been using for research)

Backstage Cats: POUNCE??! Study? (roll around laughing)

Pounce: HEY! Who says I can't do actual work?

Jenny: No one had to SAY anything. Your actions speak for themselves.

Pounce: Well.... that.... was...

Veroni: YES?

Pounce: (rushes into his part before anyone can say something more) Not to mention the extreme pressure exerted on him by his deeply rooted rivalry with Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail!!!!

(Everyone starts singing at once, so we'll just do what we did for the end of "Cat Miserables" and "How to Succeed...")

Jenny: PETER RABBIT IS THIS STUPID BOOK

ABOUT THIS STUPID RABBIT WHO

STEALS VEGITABLES FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S GARDENS!

GARDENS!!!! GARDENS!!!

Munku: IF I START WRITING NOW WHEN I'M

NOT REALLY RESTED IT COULD

UPSET MY THINKING WHICH IS NO GOOD AT ALL

NOT GOOD AT ALL.....

Cori: THE NAME OF THE BOOK ABOUT WHICH

THIS BOOK REPORT IS ABOUT IS

PETER RABBIT, PETER RABBIT!

ALL FOR ONE, EVERY MAN DOES HIS PART!

Munku: FIRST THING AFTER DINNER I'LL START!

(music stops)

Jenny: And they were VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY happy to be home!

Cori/Misto/Dem: The e-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n---d

Jenny: Ninety-four.. Ninety-five...

The VERY VERY VE-E-ERY EN-N-N-N-N-N-N-N---D

Pounce: A-men-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-----n

Munku: (just starting now) A book report on Peter Ra-a-a-a-abit.

~~~~~END OF ACT 1~~~~~

Bustopher: I hope you're all happy now. I'M STARVING!!!!!

Misto: I am SO out of here!

Munku: Right behind you!

(Everyone leaves REALLY fast, leaving Veroni alone with Bustopher Jones)

Bustopher: (taps her on the shoulder) Could you steer me to the nearest restaurant?

Veroni: HEY GUYS! (starts to run) WAIT UP!!!