My Funny Valentine
Now Playing: so many good songs.
ah, my funny valentine (what can I say to you on this day?)
...
You've been there for me always
no matter what.
-even when my friends can't see
what's in my heart
You know what's really there inside of me
even when I am happy it doesn't penetrate
through all the depths of my soul, and yet there
You are
all I have is Advent
when everyone else is around me
celebrating and observing days that are special to them
it's not the same for me
my heart is out of tune
St. Valentine's means more to me than they could know
the candy makers, the flower cutters
I used to wish when I was younger,
when I was a little girl
that a boy would come to my house
with flowers and candy just for me
(sunflowers, I used to think in that daydream)
but I let that dream die.
Years have gone by and it's only recently that I have the strength to
dream again- silly things like that
things that I thought a person such as myself was unworthy of
thinking, and doing and dreaming
for so many years I thought that way
have thought in this way
fight not to think that way
that there could be romantic love for fools like me
who have hearts full of longing for so many things
for holiness, for peace of mind, for strength
for the will to live when things are hard
for the will to live when things seem so pleasant on the surface but
aren't
for the will to live and enjoy the times that are really good and sweet
for someone who'd
[love me] in the way that I want to be loved, in the way that I believe that
[love should be...]and yet, though I'm slowly gaining the courage to dream of things like that again
I'm still thankful for
grateful for
kept alive and sane by
people who love me in other ways
though, I'm really poor at reciprocating that
though, I'm not as loving a person as I want to be
though, I'm really, REALLY weak and pathetic and sometimes annoyed- when people think that I'm this great smart person that I'm not-
...
St. Valentine's means more to me NOW than that little girl that I was could ever know then.
because...
I know his story now.
the one of the man, imprisoned for his faith
in the past when to live as a Christian openly
was to ask for your death
by so many unpleasant means
the one of the man, who was already in prison
who gave a young man who loved God
to a young woman who also loved God
-he gave them to each other
they married as Christians,
he died as a Martyr.
Rather than live this life set before me,
for so long, I had much rathered
that my life would be something more akin to his...
to live, to help a holy couple find each other
and to die for their sake
but... that's not exactly what I'm meant for, is it?
I am not another Saint Valentine.
and if I come home to Heaven
and join the Saints
those lovely Blessed
I would be... Saint Dinah
instead.
but, I'm definately not at that point yet
because it's my time to live and be loving and show
Your love- even though it hurts me (sometimes, since it's so fiery~)
but...
but,
You are always there for me,
My funny Valentineif You are willing to sacrifice Your life for me,
I will
gladly sacrifice my life for You.
if You are willing to talk to me
to talk me out of those darknesses that my soul feels trapped in
then I will bear my soul to You
I will talk to You
if You see something in me,
something good
in this lonely, broken, sad, pathetic person
then I am something beautiful to You
even if I don't feel beautiful
if You are willing to take all my tears
(even those several secret tears that I can't seem to talk about)
then I will give You my smiles as well
wholeheartedly.
I
love You,
My funny Valentineand I am blessed that You love me as well.
(help me to give that love to the people around me too...)
-Daiko~
(pray for me, and please be well dear readers...)