"When life starts going down..."

28th February 2006, 1131 P.M.

Sometimes, life has too many puzzles that you just cant solve. No matter how hard you try, you just cant find a reason to explain how it happened. Sometimes, changes happens so fast. It is just too fast to accept that reality is just like that. And you find that things happen one after another. Why ? My mind is a blank now...

My grandpa passed away last year. I dont know whether I felt sad then...but I did felt numb. For this year, I received news that my grandma had advanced lung cancer. I dont know what to say. Frankly speaking, Im closer to my grandma. She dotes on me so much that I feel so loved. I just wished this was a nightmare which I will wake up soon. I dont know why this is happening. She had a been such a nice lady and grandma. If this was punishment for sins one accumulated, then this punishment is definitely not for her. Why her ? She helped so many people and accumulated so much merit. Surely, the good outweighs the bad ? I dont know what else to do. And if I had to cry, I wont be able to. I just cant cry that hard enough for tears to form. I guess im all cried out. Tears have dried up. What can I say ?

Maybe this was the worst birthday I ever went through... I know I should feel happy being a 19 year old... But i just cant. For now, I will just make my birthday wish. Maybe its a little late... But I hope the Gods above are listening to me. I wish and pray that my grandma may recover from this war that she's fighting now. Sincerely. I wish and pray. If there ever was a miracle, please make it happen. Even If there was a little hope, a glimmer of hope, please try.

Guess I should be strong... I should...