"Why I Hate Females"
by: michael g.
It's funny how we females wonder why our tattooed boyfriends treat us so badly, you know, after smoking a joint and downing a pint. I mean, why can't he psychically know what's wrong with us? Inebriation can't be THAT mentally inhibiting, can it? All women want is a decent guy. And I'll be DAMNED if he can't be nice and thoughtful and feminine while also being painfully handsome, unnaturally confident, and perfectly scuplted. What is it with guys nowadays, anyway? Why can't they remember anniversaries? Sure, I dated him knowing he had a cocaine addiction, but come on, he quit that habit over a week ago. And besides, at heart, he's a decent guy. Sure, he threw me around the room a couple of times, but I deserved it. It was an accident anyway. His great looks, social status, and financial achievements justify the things that happen to me when I'm with him. I mean, if he wants to go to strip clubs, get oriental massages, and have sex with high priced hookers, that's fine, because I LOVE MY MAN!!! He's my TRUE love, I knew he was *the one* since the FIRST time I saw him in that support group. He's MY boyfriend!! (who is, by the way, currently in a relationship, but he's TRYING to break up with her, I swear! She just won't acknowledge it since she has a litter of kids with him. But she's 15. I did plenty of stupid things when I was 15. You just hafta live and learn.)
Despite how much I love my man, since I'm a woman, I reserve the right to complain about how horrible the male population has become at any given time. Because women, we're the vulnerable gender. And we deserve to be able to complain, yet not do a damn thing to change it. And what ever happened to equal rights? Women's empowerment? Equal rights, but oh, yeah, can you hold that door open for me? You mean you're NOT paying for tonight's dinner, movie, jazz concert, and bridge toll?
You men and your criticisms. Then you wonder why I go out and get face lifts and plastic surgery. I'm insecure. I'm vulnerable and weak. But Girl Power. I am Woman, hear me roar. Empower me. Girlfriends 4 life. You males did this to us, you understand?
And for all you normal, sane guys out there: BACK OFF BITCH! This clitoris is for my tattooed, drug addict, convict, rapist, molester, pedophile, sodomizing, thugged-out-yet-oh-so-sensitive, 1.3 GPA, unfaithful, smelly, alcoholic, farting, belching, TNN-swamp boat race watching, gearhead, metal worker, delinquentsville junior college, computer illiterate, illiterate, deadbeat, immoral, criminal, yet oh-so-handsome and protective and buff and beautiful LOVE OF MY LIFE BOYFRIEND! (Oh yeah, our two week relationship is coming up on Tuesday, so wish us luck!)
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©2001 mg
