Realization
by: mg
I wanna cry shards of glass and let the clear knives cut through my face and maybe the suffering and pain will escape with the blood as it drips down my face into the river below. I want it to merge with your soul like hardened lava, forever a part of nature because of the cold. if my dreams are so much better than reality, why do I insist on waking up everytime? If my eyes would just stay closed, I could live out my fantasies. I wouldn't even know the difference. Grave robbers would steal my wallet and while they're searching for the contents, I'd be leaping into ocean waves or flying across the Artic snow or kissing the mate of my soul. I'd rather live in a limbo than wake up to a harsh reality. Splinters carve out my retinas and everything becomes a fluid bleeding down my face, tears of a cloudy red, expressionless, yes, I am me, yes, this is me, yes, this is what it's come to. my eyes no longer look up, my neck has formed into an arch because I stare at the pavement so much. I can almost see my own soul. i always pictured it as a cloudy white steam, like how your bones look in an x-ray. formless, shapless, emotionless, that's what souls are. i'm hoping if I stay silent and still long enough, someone will mistake me for deceased. maybe they'll bury me, complete with flowers and a priest. they'll talk about how no one ever really knew me, how i was always such a calm young man, and how it could've come to this. a mysterious death, death by standing still, death by halting, death by freezing, death by cold, death by realizing the bitter truth, that pessimism is understandable and optimism is simply false hope. realizing you're everything I could never have.
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©2001 mg
