She was alone in this house, alone in her heart, alone in every sense. She needed him, his smile, his touch, his gentle words....she needed to get lost in his deep blue eyes. It was her fault, for she had pushed him away, forcing him from her life, telling him that what he did just wasn’t enough. It had all been lies, she had said it all out of fear. Scared that she’d fallen in love, scared that he might be the one, scared of putting all her trust in him, and scared to give up her heart.
All he had ever wanted from her was to see her smile, and when she wasn’t smiling, he’d do anything to light up her face. She’d done nothing for him in return but shatter his heart. A silent tear streaked its way down her cheek, as she relived how torn he’d looked when she’d said good-bye. His blue eyes had lost their sparkle, his ever present smile had faded, and his normally tall posture had sagged. All of this because she was afraid to love him back.
Drifting further back into her thoughts, she saw his joyful face for the first time....how his piercing eyes had caught her attention across the crowd. She’d just gone through a terrible time in her life, and his eyes warmed her all over, and they hadn’t even met yet. The first time he had spoken to her was like breathing in her new hope. Just thinking about that time, still made her feel a stab of that hope.
With his help she had battled depression, fought the loneliness that had taken over, and had given her a new life. She would always thank him for sticking by her, for pushing her even when she knew she couldn’t go on.
Every moment she’d spent with him had been almost magical..his happiness always finding its way into her heart. Why had she shoved that away? Why, if she was so happy with him, was she not able to admit her feelings to herself? She loved him, and that thought still scared her, still made her want to run and hide.
She would gladly take everyone of her memories with him, crumble them into a ball, and toss them away, for just another chance with him. She wanted to tell him so much, but mostly she wanted to way the words he longed to hear.
He’d taken her heart and unlocked it up, forcing her to see the world around her in a new light, creating in her a sense of love she’d never felt. That feeling had opened her eyes to the man that brought so much to her life. He’d found a place in her heart that no one before him had dared enter.
She sat up, switching on the lamp besides her. There was a song he used to sing that perfectly described how she felt. Scrambling towards the tower of music, she grabbed his CD, forcing it into the player. His soothing voice filled the small room, his words matching every feeling inside her. Glancing around the room, her sights landed on the phone....NO..she shook her head demanding herself to look away.
Pushing her fears aside, listening to his voice speak her words, she picked up the phone. Her fingers trembled as she carefully pushed each number, her breathing increased with each unanswered ring. She pulled the droning tone from her ear, sighing quietly with disappointment....
“Hello?” His voice broke through, reaching her just in time.
“Um....” She couldn’t speak, it had been so long.
“Can I help you?” He sounded impatient.
“Justin.” She managed to breath his name.
“Yes..look is there something I can help you with?” She could tell his was about ready to hang up.
“It’s me.” Where were her words now that she wanted to speak them.
Silence...not even the sound of a steady breath.
Silence...she was terrified he’d hung up on her.
Silence...finally she heard him cough.
“Justin...I’m so sorry.” Her head rested against the cool window, using the soothing feeling to calm her nerves.
“I said a lot of things that I didn’t mean. A lot of things I now regret. I was scared, afraid of what I was feeling, frightened of letting you in, of trusting you.
“I can’t lose you, I need you Justin. I’m not the same person without you, I’m not happy. I’m not complete, I’m not even living anymore. I’m so lonely and so scared.”
“I know that I’m too late, but I have to say this, you deserve to know how I truly feel.” She took a deep breath to steady her pounding heart. “Justin....I .... well....I love you.” She stopped for she’d spoken the words of her heart and nothing more could be said.
Silence...
Silence...
Silence...
“Sara....” She could hear him breathing deeply.. “I’m not sure why you were scared to tell me all that before, but it’s good to know you’re still thinking about me. I don’t know what to say, other then I never stopped loving you.” He paused for a long time, the silence became deafening. Finally he sighed, taking in a deep breath.. “Please come back to me.”
A smile brightened her face, sparkles appearing in her green eyes. “Of course I’ll come back to you.”
“Promise me on thing...” He stopped, waiting for her response.
“What?” Her breath caught in her throat.
“No more running, no more being scared and no more hiding things from me. Just tell me what is on your mind. Promise me that.” He waited for her answer...his fingers crossed.
“I can promise to do my best, with your help.” It was honest...she was scared, but she couldn’t run anymore.
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” The grin he bore shone through in his voice.
