You Do What You Have To Do:
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by: Tina and Danielle
Rated: R (adult stuff, ya know?)
copyright: 1999

We ran around closing up the house that we had come to love in a few short days and packed up the meager amount of stuff we had to our names at the moment. I was sure my bottom lip was going to be swollen by tomorrow morning. I was biting it so hard to keep from having a two year old temper tantrum. I knew it would do no good, but it didn't stop me from wanting to just rage against everything that seemed to be conspiring to pull us apart.

Finally, everything was ready and the two of us were standing at the door, knowing the limo that was coming to pick Kevin up would be there any minute. We were both about to lose it. I kept looking at the floor, knowing as soon as I looked into those green eyes of his, I would just fall to pieces. I kept staring at the floor, I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not....dammit. I felt the water well up and just knew it was a matter of time before they started spilling down my face.

I heard Kevin clearing his throat and when I dared to look up at him, I saw him standing there with his arms open wide and tears shining in his eyes too.

I hesitated for a second, should I just suck it up and try to act like this was no big deal? One look at the emotion on Kevin's face told me my answer. He was usually the one being strong, being brave. But that was before what we had been through. I tried to be like Kevin, I did. I tried to be strong for everyone, for Kevin. I had them fooled, but I didn't believe it myself for a second. I was tired of acting strong. And when I finally dropped the weight of being strong and let myself get lost in loving someone, needing someone like air, this happens.

I hurled myself in his arms, determined to stay in them until they dragged me out, kicking and screaming.

Kevin was holding me just as tight as I held him. He brought his lips to my ear, "We'll make it through this, Nick. It won't be easy, but we can do it. We'll make it through this. I promise you we will."

I looked up at him, "You'll call?"

He nodded, "Every free minute I have." He kissed my forehead, "You?"

I nodded, "In the middle of a press conference if I need to."

He laughed softly, "I doubt that would go over well with management."

I pouted, "Screw management. They are the knuckleheads that separated us in the first place."

Kevin smiled and lifted my chin with his fingers, looking into my eyes, "They were doing what they thought was best, they don't know about us, Nick. It wasn't like anyone intentionally split us up."

I nodded. I knew he was right, it didn't make it hurt any less, but I knew he was right. He smiled and leaned close to kiss me. We stayed there by the door locked in our embrace, oblivious to everything around us and determined to hold this moment as long as we could.

Too soon a knock sounded at the door and we were forced to step away from each other. This is it, he was leaving and I was going to sit here for another hour by myself and stare at the walls.

Was this what our girlfriends had gone through over the years? It's funny how much more you understand something when the tables are turned on you. This was only a month though, man, they had to put up with it for 9-10 months at a time. At least at the end of that month we got to be together again for the rest of the tour. I shook the thought out of my head and looked up at Kevin.

He smiled sadly, "Thinking about how the tables have turned? New respect for Leighanne and Amanda huh?"

It was starting to scare me how he could read my thoughts like that. I nodded as another knock came at the door. I grunted in it's direction. "Just a minute!"

Before I could turn all the way back around to face Kevin, I was pulled into his arms and wrapped tightly against him. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, just remembering everything about his moment. I didn't even mind that my bruises and ribs were not happy with the position, I just needed to hold him, be held, just for a minute more.

Our lips found each other and we kissed like there was no tomorrow. Well, when you think about it, there wasn't. Tomorrow we would be on separate ends of the country. I sucked softly on his tongue as it wandered my mouth, wanting to remember the taste of him, the way he kissed. It was all I was going to have for a while.

The third knock at the door was our cue to pull away and we did so with a sigh. Kevin turned to open the door as I bent down to grab his bags. One suitcase and one carry on was all either of us had.

The driver took the bags from me and Kevin looked at me, "I guess this is it, huh?"

I nodded silently, afraid if I opened my mouth, nothing would come out but a very pathetic whimper. I put out my hand for him to shake, seeing as the driver was right there and he took my hand, using it to pull me into a hug before he walked out of the door and down to the awaiting car.

I saw the window of the car roll down, Howie and AJ waving to me as they pulled away. I waved back and stepped back in the house, closing the door. I leaned against it and hit my forehead against the wooden door in time with the three words repeating over and over in my head. I. Hate. This.

I sat in the living room on our new couch staring at the wall. No tv. No playstation. I couldn't even read a comic book. They reminded me of him now. I sighed and flopped back against the cushions

"Kevin?"

Kevin looked up to see Howie and AJ looking at him worriedly. "Yeah?"

AJ put his hand on Kevin's forehead, "You were banging your forehead on the window. Saying something about hating this."

Kevin closed his eyes, "I'm sorry. I didn't even realize I was doing it." He stopped and his expression changed, "Actually no, I'm not. I'm not going to pretend I'm happy about this. It bad enough I'm going to have to put a happy face on for the cameras and press, I'm not going to do it around you two. I DO hate this. It's not the company, you know I love you two like brothers, it's just....there is no way you are going to understand this."

Howie put his hand on Kevin's arm, "Try us, you might be surprised how much we understand."

Kevin looked at them for a minute and then sighed, "We are both pretty scarred by what happened to us, physically and emotionally. And there is something on top of that....something I'm not ready to talk about yet...but it complicates matters too. All I know is that leaving today felt like the worst thing to do. "

Howie looked at AJ and nodded. AJ put a hand on Kevin's shoulder, "It's never easy to leave someone you love behind, Kevin. I understand that all too well."

Kevin's eyes snapped open. "Wha...what?"

Howie and AJ looked at each other and sat on either side of Kevin. "Kevin, you kissed Nick when he came out of the fire at the church. You can hardly see it on the news footage unless you are looking very close, but it's there."

Kevin sighed, "So does this mean you are disgusted by us now?"

AJ shook his head vehemently, "No! Kevin, give us a little more credit than that! It just means that we know and we will listen if you need to vent about this whole situation, that's all."

Kevin looked at both of them and smiled a little, "Thank you, but right now I'd just like to pout and mope some more."

Howie and AJ grinned, it wasn't the old Kevin, but it was a start. They both sat back in their seats for the ride to the airport and thought how much they would like to kill Brian for doing this to Kevin and Nick.

Nick sat up on the couch, it had only been five minutes and he was already in physical pain he missed Kevin so much. He paced back and forth, trying to keep himself occupied, but it wasn't working. He looked at his watch again and sighed, "Screw it."

He grabbed his bags and keys was out the door.

Kevin walked through the familiar corridors of Orlando International and watched everything around him under the anonymity of a baseball cap. They were calling his flight. The three of them were going to be the last three on. Jive had bought out the first class section so with any luck, being the last ones on and in a different section of the plane, no one would know they were there.

He sighed as a flight attendant motioned for them to board and grabbed his carry on waiting for Howie and AJ to get organized, then they got on the plane, trying not to think of all they were leaving behind.

Nick was running through the terminal at full speed. He needed to see Kevin again. Even if it was for a second. Maybe he could be Howie or AJ to switch places with him. He reached the gate where Kevin's flight was leaving from and saw that the lobby was empty and the door to the plane closed.

His bags dropped out of his hands as he knew he was too late. He looked out the wall of windows and saw Kevin's plane sitting there. He walked to the glass and stood there looking at the plane that was taking the most important thing in his life with it. He placed his hand on the glass and rested his forehead on it, "Goodbye, Bumpkin. I love you."

Howie happened to be looking out of the plane window and saw a familiar figure running to the gate. He turned to Kevin who was sitting on the aisle seat. "Switch with me."

Kevin looked at him strangely and Howie stood up, "Get in my seat and look out of the window. Now."

Kevin switched seats with Howie and saw Nick standing at the window, his hand pressed on the glass, like he was trying to touch the plane. Like he was trying to touch him.

Nick felt like he was being watched. But not in the I'm about to get mobbed way. He looked up from where he had been staring, the tarmac below him, and raised his eyes to the windows of the plane. He looked at the front of the plane where he knew they would be sitting and saw Kevin's face looking out of the tiny window. Then a hand appeared pressed against the glass.

Even though they were separated by more than fifty feet, Nick swore he could feel the warmth of Kevin's hand through the glass.


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