You Do What You Have To Do:
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by: Tina and Danielle
Rated: R (adult stuff, ya know?)
copyright: 1999
Howie and AJ met in the hallway at the same time as they flew out of their rooms and headed towards Kevin's. They were sharing a suite. Howie and AJ's bedroom were across the hall from one another. They let Kevin take the largest bedroom. It was a small guesture but if he was going to be stuck here they wanted him to be comfortable as possible.

He was screaming almost constantly now. All he was saying was, "No," over and over again. They could hear him sobbing as they approached his room door. The screams had started over 5 minutes ago. At first they didn't know what the hell was going on. But then they realized it was Kevin screaming and had both flew out of their rooms to go see what was wrong.

Howie was right on AJ's heels as they went into Kevin's room and stopped at the sight before them. Kevin was standing up beside the bed and seemed to be fighting with the bed linens and pillows. The sheets and blanket were pulled off the bed and Kevin had them bunched up, punching them, screaming, "No, no, no!" He then took the pillow and began banging it down against the bed until it ripped and feathers rained down.

AJ tried to grab Kevin around the chest from behind, pinning his arms down at the side, but Kevin pushed AJ to the floor like he was a rag doll and went back to punching the bed linen.

Even though Kevin's eyes were open, Howie didnt' think he was awake. Howie helped AJ to his feet.

"You ok, Bone?"

AJ rubbed his ass and said, "Oh yeah - just a bruised ass now."

This time AJ grabbed one of Kevin's arms while Howie got the other.

Howie said in a firm voice, "Kevin, dammit, wake up. You're having a dream. Wake up, Train. It's me and AJ. You're in your hotel room. Wake up man."

AJ started rubbing Kevin's back, in between his shoulder blades, and said, "It's okay, Train. You're safe, bro. We're not gonna let you get hurt again."

The sweat was pouring off of Kevin. He shook his head slightly and blinked his eyes a couple of times. He stopped fighting and looked at AJ and Howie.

"What,,,,,,,what's going on? Why are you two here?", he finally stammered as he struggled to breathe. His chest felt like it had a big boulder sitting on it and he couldn't breathe.

AJ said, "You were having a bad dream, Train. Hell, it must have been a freakin nightmare. I wouldn't be surprised if half the hotel heard you."

Howie patted Kevin's arm reassuringly and asked, "Wanna talk about it, Kevin?"

Kevin looked around the room. Nick had been here. He'd felt Nick's hands and lips on his body. It wasn't a dream. But then Stefaine and Frank were here and they had Nick. No, no - they couldn't have Nick. They were dead. They were in hell. They had to be in hell.

He squinched his eyes closed and kept telling himself, "Nick is safe and they are dead. It was just a dream. Nick is safe. Nick is safe."

Stefaine's evil, shit-grinning face floated up from his sub-concious then and she whispered "Dick is good, isn't it, Kevy Kev?"

Kevin's eyes flew open as the bile rose in his throat. He broke away from AJ and Howie and raced for the bathroom. As his stomach emptied itself he sank to his knees in front of the toilet. When there was nothing left for his stomach to offer up to the porcelain god, he flushed the toilet and lay his head against the cool porcelain.

AJ wet a cloth with some cold water and bent down to wipe Kevin's forehead with it but Kevin pushed him aside and said, "Leave me alone."

"Come on, Kev, let us help you. We're your friends and it's killing us to see you like this."

Kevin looked up and screamed, "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

AJ and Howie both jumped and looked at one another. Neither of them had ever heard Kevin raise his voice like that - ever. Even at times when he'd totally lost his temper and had been ready to strangle the shit out of someone he'd never raised his voice to the level he had just done with them.

But what scared them worse than his screaming at them was the haunted look in his eyes. Yes, haunted was a good word to describe him at that moment. There was no light in his eyes. They were so cold. So dead.

Kevin's eyes watered and he spoke again, this time more softly, "Just leave me be. Please. I'll be fine fine. I just want to be left alone."

Howie said, "Sure, Kevin. But you come get us if you need us."

Kevin nodded and lay his head down on his arms. Howie and AJ backed out of the bathroom and pulled the door closed, not completely shutting it so they could still watch Kevin.

Kevin's shoulders shook as he cried, "I'm sorry, Nick. God, I'm so sorry for what I've done to you."

Howie tugged on AJ's arm and motioned for him to come away from the door. AJ gently
shut the door and followed Howie down the hall.

AJ said, "Let's get Nick out here. They've only been apart just a few hours and look at Kevin. He's already deconstructing."

Howie pinched the bridge of his nose hoping the headache that was beginning to pound would go away, "I know, AJ. I think Nick should be here. But in some small warped way maybe it's better he's not."

AJ glared at Howie, "How can you say that? Our brother - the rock that has held us together for many, many years - our tower of strength is sitting on the floor of hotel room bathroom crying like his heart has been ripped into a million pieces."

Howie said, "I know, AJ. I can't stand to see him this way. It shakes me down to my core to see him like this. I never thought I would see it. But him and Nick never got any counselling after all they've been through. AJ, they've kept all that - God, I don't even know what they felt going through the hell they did. Anyhow, they've kept all that inside. Trying to push it to the back of their minds, hoping it would go away."

AJ nodded his head, "I see what you're getting at. All that bottled up emotion just builds and festers and then it erupts to the surface like a volcano."

Howie said, "Exactly. This stuff is so fresh for them, only going through it a couple of months ago. They need to get it out and deal with it now. If all this comes out months or years down the road it could litterally destroy both of them."

AJ felt his own tears water, "Yeah, but them being away from one another could kill them now."

Howie and AJ talked for a few more minutes and decided to go back to their rooms and get some sleep. It was going to be a long day.

Kevin had waited at the door until he heard AJ and Howie walk off. He opened the door and peered down the hallway. It was empty.

He went to his room and dug out a pair of gray gym shorts and a black wifebeater and slipped them on. He put his room key in his pocket and headed down to the gym on the first floor. Sleep was completely out of the question now and he couldn't just sit around and do nothing. If he did that, he was seriously going to consider throwing himself out of his room window.

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Nick had been shaking ever since they had gotten into the limo at the airport and headed for the hotel.

Brian said, "Bro, are you alright? You're shaking like a leaf."

"I'm freezing, Brian. It's so cold."

Brian looked at Nick like he had lost his mind. "Cold? Nick, it's freakin' 90 degrees here and it's only 6 oclock in the morning."

Nick turned his head and leanded it against the window, "But I'm cold, Brian. So fuckin cold."

Something was wrong. What? I didn't know. But something was wrong. I could feel it. I had managed to doze on the plane for the last 20 minutes before we landed. I saw Kevin. He was crying and telling me he was sorry over and over. Sorry for what? I kept asking him that over and over but he wouldn't answer me. Just kept saying he was sorry over and over.

Brian had shook my shoulder until I woke up. I blinked a couple of times and looked around, realizing where I was.

"I must have had a dream," I muttered seeing not only Brian but the people sitting around me giving me funny looks as well.

Brian said, "Yeah, I would say so. You kept hollering "what are you sorry about, man?" over and over. Wanna talk about it, Nick?"

I shook my head and said, "No, that's ok, Brian. It was just a stupid dream."

We got checked in to the hotel. Thankfully there were no screaming girls waiting to mob us. Guess they weren't up yet. Brian and I were sharing a two bedroom suite.

Brian put his bags down and said, "I'm starved. How about some breakfeast, Nickers?"

If I would have had feeling in my body then, I'm sure my blood would have froze in my viens. But I was so cold by then I had no feeling anywhere in my body. I couldn't belive what Brian had just called me.

Brian couldn't help but notice the way Nick's face clouded over and if looks could kill, Brian would be dead right now as Nick was absolutely glaring at him.

"Nick, what is it? I want to be your friend here. Hell, I am your best friend, Nick. Let me in so I can help you."

I said, "Don't ever call me Nickers again. You can call me Nickolas or Nick. But you have no right to call me Nickers."

I left Brian with his jaw on the ground as I went to my bedroom and slamed the door. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw the big thick blanket on the bed. I kicked my shoes off and slid underneath the cover. I was still cold but the covers wrapped around me was comforting. Sleep was out of the question so I lay there wondering what Bumpkin was doing at that moment.

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