You Do What You Have To Do:
****************************
by: Tina and Danielle
Rated: R (adult stuff, ya know?)
copyright: 1999

I clapped my hands over my mouth, absolutely horrified with myself. What
had I done? I felt myself shaking and had there been any food in me, it
would have been trying to vacate my body as fast as possible. My knees
started to wobble and my legs didn't seem to want to stay under me. The
next thing I knew, I was kneeling on the floor, then I was on my hands and
knees.

My heart was racing and I was sweating again. I couldn't believe what I had
just done. I had become Stefanie's equal. I..I just wanted to die. I curled
in a ball on the floor, not even trying to stop the tears that were spilling
down my face.

It was deathly quiet in that bathroom. It seemed like my heart was going to
gallop out of my chest. I wouldn't blame it, I didn't even want to be in my
own skin either at the moment. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I winced
away, scurrying across the floor like some sort of overgrown bug, "Don't! Oh
god, I hit you. I hit you. I'm no better than she is. I'm....evil."

I felt his hand on me again, then another one as I was lifted onto his lap
and enfolded in his arms. I wanted to move, to scurry away again, but, oh
god, it felt so good in his arms. So safe. So warm. Oh god, I missed him.
I buried my face in my hands, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh God."

I felt a hand under my chin and he tilted my head back to make me look at
him.

He looked me right in the eyes, his own spouting tears as well. "Nick, you
aren't evil. You were angry and had every right to be, you just got carried
away. Stefanie hit me and didn't feel bad about it, she didn't regret it.
You do and that makes you human. You made a mistake and I know that. I love
you and evil can't be loved. It's me that's sorry, Nick. I'm so very
sorry. I put you through hell all because I was scared and guilty. I'm so
sorry, Nickers."

I sniffled and looked up at him again, "What do you say we both forgive each
other. I'll forgive you if you forgive me?"

Kevin shook his head, surprising me. "I forgave you the second it happened,
Nick. But when you forgive me for being an ass, I want it to be genuine and
I want it to be the moment you truly forgive me. I want it to be earned,
it's the only way we are going to get past this. It may not be easy, but I
think we are worth fighting for, do you?"

I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest, hearing his heartbeat
in my ear. I nodded my head, "I do." His arms tightened around me and we
both sat there in the silence, each lost in our own thoughts.

"You've stopped shivering."

I jumped a little when I realized he was right. Then I realized the exact
moment I stopped, the moment he took me in his arms and told me he forgave
me. I smiled against his chest, "Because I know I'm not all alone in love
any more. I know you still love me and you aren't going to leave again. Are
you?"

He held me so tight I thought I was going to have my ribs crack again,
"Never again, Baby. Never, ever again."


**********************