Subject: From the Attic...aka "Kat and Raven's Haven"
Date: Sun, Nov 15, 1998 1:11 AM
From: RavenAmbr
Here's a REALLY funny list of stuff that showed up on the XF mailing list...it's great! (Note...there are spoilers for the season premiere....so if you haven't seen it yet, you have been warned...
ok, I AM using this without permission, so if the author happens to stumble onto this board...I am eternally sorry. It was just too good to pass up...
NAME: Amanda Finch
TITLE: A Slightly Mundane Beginning
CATEGORY: HV (list/parody)
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: "The Beginning"
DISCLAIMER: If those lawyers you keep on retainer, Mr. Carter, don't laugh,
you can sue me. But on my island, we barter in sunflower seeds.
SUMMARY: Take "The Beginning." Add smart*&^. Shake thoroughly. Drink until
inebriated.
ARCHIVE: Yes. With name, e-mail addie and various yadda quite intact.
1. The penalty for stealing office supplies from ROUSH industries leaves you
feeling all empty inside.
2. The X-Files have now been shut down so many times that there's an FBI
committee just for that purpose, and obviously, they're the hand up the sock
puppet we know as Spender. (You just *knew* there was something up his ^&*.)
3. The poster in Fox Mulder's former office now reads: "Everything I Need to
Know I Learned From My Hamster."
4. Maybe It's the Office: Agents Spender and Fowley also experience those
inner longings associated with UST (Unresolves Stomach Turning).
5. The Homer Connection: With *this* kind of talent at the controls of our
nuclear power plants, it won't be long before we're all yellow, with no chins.
6. Scully just snickers as she watches Mulder manually piece together his
incinerated files, wondering when she should tell him they're all scanned to
her zip drive.
7. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Spender: If you don't get out of here *right* now, I'm gonna tell!
Mulder: Someone check Spender's pants; I think he's wet.
Spender: Daaad!!
8. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Mulder: We'll use Gibson to find the alien!
Scully: He's sick, Mulder! He needs to go to the hospital!
Mulder: No one gets laid until we find this alien!
Scully: < pause > Gibson! Sic 'em!
9. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Fowley: Remember when you and I first met? You were at that airport bar with
your girlfriend, and my boyfriend and I were swinging with you guys at our
apartment and --
Mulder: You must be thinking of someone else.
10. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Mulder:
11. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Fowley: Ewww! It's a piece of latex rubber, covered in Karo syrup!
Mulder: You are *so* new at this.
12. In the X-Files universe, hospital personnel don't pay a bit of attention
to you unless you go full-tilt bozo and start cussing.
13. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
CSM: You can kill a man, but you can't kill what he stands for. Not unless you
first break his spirit...and take away his porn collection.
14. Things Get all Squiggly: And then there was that last great scene where
Fowley gets pissed-off at Spender and shoots him, but the bullet -- after
causing him massive internal bleeding -- ricochets off the metal plate in his
head, killing Fowley and, mysteriously, any writers hired during the fifth
season. This leaves the CSM to go down to the next illegitimate child on his
list and get them a job in the Bureau and then...and then Amanda wakes up.
~^~^~^~^~^~^^^~^~^~^~^^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^^^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
The Truth Will Bite You in the %*^!
Feedback graciously accepted at ChaelysQ@aol.com
Koren
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