Dearest Catherine,
Its been a week now since Margaret passed away. Father has begun to heal. I...I think what makes this possible are those seven days they spent together, in love. It seems that Margaret awakened something in Father that I had never seen before. It is as if a missing piece has been restored; a piece of his innocence, a piece of his youth.
Margaret was a longing he carried with him, a painful memory of what he left behind. The years could not diminish that longing. Before, there was always...sadness in Father's eyes...I could not understand. It was a secret he kept hidden from all of us. A secret he could never share, until now. I suppose we all carry our secrets, like winter garments we are unable to shed because we cannot believe spring has finally come.
All my life I have kept a secret, Catherine, but I can keep it no longer from you. From the time I was young, I...dreamt of...being held close, close enough to someone to feel the warmth of their body against mine. I longed for it. Sometimes, I ached for it. To be...held, tenderly, against the breast of a woman. To have my head stroked gently, to hear a voice whisper that all is safe and well. And I dreamt of holding someone in my arms, holding and feeling their heart beat within mine. But always there was the hunger. At first I...did not know what it was, when I did. That hunger terrified me. Where would it take me? Would I loose myself? Would my...hunger destroy what I held most dear? But those dreams were only intimations...shadows of what could be, until the night I found you.
Catherine, you gave a...name to those feelings, a face to those dreams. And now I know what frightened me so. Every-every time I hold you I feel such peace, until...the hunger begins to stir inside me. Do not be frightened - I would take my life before I would endanger yours. And so I...struggle with myself. Where does this...path lead? Wh-what shall we do? Perhaps...the only way is to...hold each other close, and take a leap of faith...into the dark night.
Sleep well, my dearest Catherine, sleep well.
Vincent
