Lance: **waking up** My head hurts 'cause I'm from Mississippi **rubs his head and looks around** Toby, Toby, where are you?
**A small dog runs into the kitchen. Lance realizes it's not a dog but Toby shrunk to the size of a dog. Lance puts on his prettiest blue checkered dress and puts Toby in a picnic basket. They go outside where there are lots of pretty flowers.**
Lance: Look at all the pretty flowers **runs to them and begins making daisy chains when he sees a person appear out of nowhere**
Person: Hello, I am Nick, the Good Witch of Bleach, welcome to Teenie Bopper Land **Teenie Boppers run out from behind the trees and begin singing BSB songs**
Lance: Wow, I must have more fans than I thought
Nick: No, don't be stupid you Mississippian freak. They're my fans and they only like you because your house landed on Britney, the Wicked Witch of Silicone
Lance: Oh no! JuJu's going to be so sad. Britney is his girlfri...I mean, she's his friend and she happens to be a girl. They're not dating or anything like that. Of course not, don't be stupid
Nick: **points to Britney's red glittery go-go boots** Put on those go-go boots so you can go back to Mississippi
Lance: **puts on boots** Are you sure you don't want them, they're so cute
Nick: No, why would I want red go-go boots when I have pink ones? **lifts up the hem of his pink, ruffly gown to reveal his pink go-go boots**
Lance: I'll trade you, I love pink!
Nick: No way!
**A greasy black cloud appears and when it fades away, a mysterious person is visible**
Nick: It's Howie! I love you Howie! **to Lance** Howie is the Wicked Witch of Grease, wicked meaning wicked hot **blows Howie a kiss**
Howie: I love you too Snookums. **to Lance** How dare you *drool* kill Britney! I'm her favorite Backstreet Boy and she likes the way I look without a *drool* shirt on **rips off his greasy shirt and starts dancing**
Nick: **Getting out dollar bills to stick in Howie's pants** I love you Howie, you're so hot
**Meanwhile, the teenie boppers are looking confused but shrug it off and start singing and dancing like idiots**
Howie: **sees Lance wearing the go-go boots and gets upset** Gimme those *drool* shoes
Nick: Howie, you can't wear those boots, he's from Mississippi and never wears shoes so he probably has foot fungus and anyway, Britney wore those and since she had a mutant toe I don't want your precious feet to be contaminated
Howie: O.K. I guess you're right, but *drool* this doesn't mean that I won't try to stop Lance from returning *drool* home **disappears in a cloud of greasy smoke**
Nick: You have to follow the Pink Cobblestone Boulevard to Pearl City, but don't get sidetracked by going into the stores
Lance: I promise I won't **starts walking** Oh my gosh...a Bebe Outlet Shop, all items 25-50% off! Toby we have to go **walks into the store** Toby, isn't this pink dress to die for? **goes through a door to the dressingroom, door locks behind him** Oh no Toby, this isn't a dressingroom **Lance finds himself in a dark alley** This is a BACKSTREET **tries to open the door, but is unsuccessful** someone, help me! **an overly skinny person with many tatoos and a goatee drawn on his face with magic markers walks up to him**
A.J.: Hey, do you have it?
Lance: Have what?
A.J.: My crack
Lance: Why do you want drugs? I don't do drugs 'cause I'm from Mississippi. What's your name, I'm Lance
A.J.: I'm A.J. the Crackfiend. So do you have my crack or not?
Lance: I don't have your crack, sorry A.J. I better get going so I can go to Pearl City
A.J.: Hey baby, can I go with you? How much do you cost?
Lance: You can go with me, but I don't understand your second question
A.J.: You mean you're not a hooker?
Lance: No I'm not 'cause I'm from Mississippi
A.J.: Oh well. I'll still go to Pearl City 'cause thats where my dealer is and I want to ask the Wizard for some hair
**They walk about a mile**
A.J.: I got the munchies. Where's the closest McDonald's?
Lance: There aren't any around here, but there's a Long John Silver's here **points to the LJS**
A.J.: I guess that will have to do
**They walk into the LJS. It's deserted except for one employee who is making hush puppies as fast as he can**
Employee: No! 58 in a minute?!?! It can't be, I'll never beat 67
A.J.: Can I get some food...um...**looks at employee's name tag**...Brian?
Brian: Hold on, I need to break my record
A.J.: **grabs Brian by the throat** Listen, I'm very hungry and out of crack so you better get me some food
Brian: Yes sir, yes Mister Crackfiend **looks at Lance** Does she want anything?
Lance: No, I need to watch my girlish figure
Brian: You don't happen to need a pimp, do you?
Lance: No, and believe it or not, I'm a guy **Brian looks embarrassed**
A.J.: It's O.K. Brian, I thought that too
Lance: Brian, you know what? We're going to Pearl City to meet the Wizard! You can ask the Wizard for the power to beat your hush puppie record. I'm going back to Mississippi and A.J. is asking for more hair
Brian: Really? Then I'm going too