MSTing - 'Twas The Night Before Christmas>>'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the houseServo: A burglar was stealing our presents, the louse. >>Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; Mike: We called the exterminator in October, to avoid the Christmas rush. >>The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, Crow: And boy were my feet cold! Ba-dum-ching! >>In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; Servo: But instead we got our drunk uncle Bob. He’s no fun. >>The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
Mike: Snug as a bug? >>While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads; Crow: Why does that sound really dirty? >>And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Mike: She really hates when I wear my Mets cap to bed. >>Had just settled down for a long winter's nap, Servo: Suddenly it’s become a tale about a family of hibernating bears… >>When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, Crow: Honey! The plastic snowman fell over again! >>I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Servo: Noooo! Not Coily!
>>Away to the window I flew like a flash, Crow: Shouldn’t have eaten bad sash, then. Rotten sash always makes me sick. >>The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Servo: A breast! This story just got much better. >>Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, Crow: Sheesh, when someone uses a word that ends in “re,” they’re just asking for trouble… >>When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, Servo: But Anna Nicole Smith! Hurray! >>But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer, Mike: And I stepped on them. >>With a little old driver, so lively and quick, Crow: Old and lively do not belong in the same sentence, do they? >>I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. Servo: Is Saint Nick one of those reject saints? >>More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
Crow: Tom, what’s a courser? >>And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; Mike: Rover and Dorky and Retard! >>"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN! Servo: Acid and Hitler and Billy Bob! >>On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
Crow: Spleen and Ugly and Mike!! >>To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Servo: Really, when you think about it, the top of the porch isn’t that big of an accomplishment. >>Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!" Crow: And don’t let the door hit you on the way out! >>As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, Mike: Grammar like that should be punished.
>>When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
Mike: Crow, what’s a courser? >>With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too. Crow: Ah, the spirit of Christmas…always thinking about the presents first. >>And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof Mike: Oh no, it’s drunk Uncle Bob! >>The prancing and pawing of each little hoof Servo: Would someone let the reindeer out? >>As I drew in my hand, and was turning around, Crow: Tsk, tsk, drawing on your hand will give you ink poisoning. >>Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. Mike: Oooh, someone’s getting a bound for Christmas! >>He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, Servo: Just one foot, though. His entire left leg was bare. >>And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; Crow: o/^ Cinderelly, Cinderelly, night and day it’s Cinderelly… o/^ >>A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
Mike: Sadly, while in the sack, Billy’s sword punctured Suzy’s Pokemon doll.
>>And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. Crow: This is starting to get really dirty… >>His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! Servo: Okay, who else is starting to picture Santa as a misfit clown? >>His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, Mike: A double knotted bow, preventing him from saying anything and interrupting the narrator. >>And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; Crow: On the other hand, the beard of his toe was kinda yellowish. >>The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, Servo: Wait a minute, Santa’s a smoker?! Hold on, this is NOT a proper role model for children! >>And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; Mike: All my childhood dreams have been shattered by this poem. Santa smokes…I can’t live with myself anymore. >>He had a broad face and a little round belly, Crow: Yeah, okay, we get the point. A little too much description here. >>That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly. Servo: Illegal use of a comma! Penalty! >>He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, Mike: As opposed to a wrong jolly old elf. >>And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; Crow: I have a feeling this guy will be getting a lump of coal in his stocking. >>A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Servo: It’s the Exorcist! It’s Linda Blair in disguise! Run! >>Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; Mike: Whoever wrote this had absolutely no grasp of the English language, did they? >>He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Crow: Well, that’s because his mouth is tied in a bow. Would you please pay attention? >>And filled all the stocking, then turned with a jerk, Servo: Hey, look, he has Skeebow with him! >>And laying his finger aside of his nose, Mike: His middle finger. >>And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; Crow: And he got stuck and we’re never going to get the smell out. >>He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
Servo: What can reindeer do with a whistle? >>And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. Crow: Someone couldn’t come up with a better rhyme! >>But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, Servo: SOUP! >>"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, Mike: Except for you and you and you. >>AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT."
Crow: Ah, Christmas. Doesn’t this just make you want to go out and give someone a big hug?
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