>>(Kids enter, yelling.)
SERVO: Why humans should never breed- we get scenes like this.
>>KIDS: (yelling) Sizzler! I want a Sizzler!
CROW: I want to go to Sizzler!
MIKE: Their food is so reasonably priced!
>>BILL: All right, all right, all right, what's it going to be?
SERVO: A double dose of crack, to go.
>>A triple cream cup for Christopher . . .
MIKE: A Tangerine Dream for Louis...
>>KIDS: (yelling) A Squelchy Snorter!
CROW: A WHAT?!? Is this a sex shop?
>>BILL: A Squelchy Snorter for Otis . . .
SERVO: But you can't use it until you're 18 and have proper ID.
>>ONE KID: I want a Squelchy Snorter . . .
MIKE: It seems that Otis has corrupted the whole group!
>>BILL: A Sizzler for June Marie . . .
SERVO: (as June Marie) Hurray! I get to manage my very own Sizzler! We'll offer quality meals at competitive prices!
>>ANOTHER KID: C'mon, give me a Sizzler . . .
MIKE: Sorry, kid, you'll just have to visit June Marie's Sizzler. Maybe she'll let you be a dishwasher or something.
>>BILL: And listen! Wonka's got a new one today.
CROW: Oh, Wonka...he must be their pimp.
>>KIDS: What is it?
MIKE: It's Jenny McCarthy's Playboy centerfold!
>>BILL: This is called a Scrumdidilyumptious Bar.
SERVO: But you can call it a Hershey's.
>>WINKELMANN: (mispronouncing) Scrumbibilyunctious Bar?
MIKE: Bigdink-ilyumptious Bar?
CROW: Dumbass-ilyumptious Bar?
SERVO: Numbscull-ilyumptious Bar?
>>How does he do it?
CROW: Well, first he takes off his pants...
MIKE AND SERVO: CROW!!!
>>BILL: My dear boy, do you ask a fish how it swims?
SERVO: I asked my goldfish that once, and it never answered.
>>WINKELMANN: No . . .
CROW: Nooooooo springs!!
>>BILL: Or a bird how it flies?
MIKE: Only after I've shot it with my tazer.
>>WINKELMANN: No . . .
SERVO: Nooooo Mike's socks!
>>BILL: No sirree, you don't! They do it because they were born to do it. Just like Willy Wonka was born to be a candy man, you look like you were born to be a Wonkarer.
MIKE: A Wonkarer? Oh, I get it, it's a cult.
SERVO: A sex cult. And Wonka is the pimp.
>>WHO CAN TAKE A SUNRISE
CROW: Oh, not a song. It's a musical! And I thought it couldn't get any worse.
>>SPRINKLE IT WITH DEW
SERVO: Mountain Dew! Yum!
>>COVER IT IN CHOCOLATE AND A MIRACLE OR TWO
MIKE: Just when you thought it couldn't get any hornier...
>>THE CANDY MAN
CROW: He must be the other pimp! Hurray!
>>THE CANDY MAN CAN
SERVO: Yes, the Candy Man Can! Candy in a can!
>>THE CANDY MAN CAN 'CAUSE HE MIXES IT WITH LOVE
>>AND MAKES THE WORLD TASTE GOOD
MIKE: Is it just me, or is this song the world's most well-hidden sexual innuendo?
>>WHO CAN TAKE A RAINBOW
SERVO: o/^ Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow? o/^
>>WRAP IT IN A SIGH
>>SOAK IT IN THE SUN AND MAKE A STRAWBERRY LEMON PIE
CROW: Strawberries and lemons: two fruits that were NEVER meant to be together.
>>KIDS: THE CANDY MAN?
MIKE: Audience participation day at Bill's Candy Shop.
>>BILL: THE CANDY MAN
SERVO: Just in case you missed it the first dozen times I said it.
>>THE CANDY MAN CAN
CROW: The candy man, now in a convienent store-all can.
>>THE CANDY MAN CAN 'CAUSE HE MIXES IT WITH LOVE
>>AND MAKES THE WORLD TASTE GOOD
>>KIDS: Me! Me!
MIKE: If he wasn't giving them all candy they'd all be out of there by now.
>>BILL: WILLY WONKA MAKES
>>EVERYTHING HE BAKES
SERVO: Well, at least he used to, but then he burned the kitchen to the ground, so he doesn't do that anymore.
>>SATISFYING AND DELICIOUS
MIKE: Um, okay...not touching that lyric with a 10-foot pole.
>>TALK ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD WISHES
CROW: Your childhood *fantasies*, even...
>>YOU CAN EVEN EAT THE DISHES
SERVO: And choke on the china, and die.
>>WHO CAN TAKE TOMORROW
MIKE: o/^ And move it to next week... o/^
>>DIP IT IN A DREAM
CROW: A Tangerine Dream!!
>>SEPARATE THE SORROW AND COLLECT UP ALL THE CREAM
SERVO: Feed the cream to your kitty. *meow*
>>THE CANDY MAN
MIKE: The first man made entirely out of candy!!
>>KIDS: WILLY WONKA CAN
CROW: So are the candy man and Willy Wonka trapped together in the same can?
>>BILL: THE CANDY MAN CAN
SERVO: The new fun party game, Kick the Candy Man Can!
>>THE CANDY MAN CAN 'CAUSE HE MIXES IT WITH LOVE
>>AND MAKES THE WORLD TASTE GOOD
>>AND THE WORLD TASTES GOOD
CROW: Because the stupid frickin' candy man mixes it with love, right?
>>'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN THINKS IT SHOULD . . .
MIKE: Well, close enough, I suppose.
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