Reading through other accounts and studies, I find that I share a background similar to that of many other cross-dressers. I can remember at an early age accompanying my mother to a department store and touching a soft woman's sweater on display on a counter there. I remember a curiosity with women's undergarments, and asking questions about them of some women that I knew. Somehow I managed to come across a bra my size, which I wore under my boy clothes to Elementary and Junior High schools a few times--the latter only, of course, on days that I didn't have gym class.
I was never good at athletics, and through much of school was a class "nerd," long before that term was invented. This included carrying a briefcase and slide rule (anyone remember those?). My diagnosis then, as it was later, can be summarized as being too smart and too fat.
As an only child with both parents often at work, I had ample opportunity to "borrow" my mother's clothes. Another enduring pastime that I developed was borrowing my mother's collection of curlers, which she never used, and curling my short hair overnight. I would always wash out the curls in the morning.
My first collection of women's clothes began when I was living in New Jersey in the late 70's and early 80's. I recall shopping in stores ranging from K-Mart, where I bought a pink, fuzzy sweater, to discount stores, which had large-sized dresses on racks crammed together, to regular department stores. It was also during that period that I began having my hair done, including having salon permanents, which was then becoming more popular among men. The styles that I desired were curly, but not overtly feminine. My only outlet for dressing outside of my apartment, however, was a series of late-night strolls while dressed. I also developed the habit of wearing women's panties, as well as occasionally pantyhose, under my regular clothes.
When I returned to California in 1984, with my clothing collection, my practices were essentially unchanged. More shopping trips, both in department and thrift stores. Many incorrectly sized purchases because of not being able to try them on in the store. Inexpensive makeup and jewelry. A few wigs purchased at Woolworth. Still, my only outlet was either driving around at night, or some very late-night walks.
I also started having my hair done regularly, and even attended Cosmetology school for a while.
Then, long before the World Wide Web, I discovered the Transgendered Forum and areas in the online chat on CompuServe. It was reassuring that I was not alone in the universe. Janis R was born as an online alias. I attempted to share my pastime with my then girlfriend, but she reacted negatively, and once even hinted at blackmail after our relationship broke up.
For several years, my activities were limited to the same pattern of regularly having my hair done and occasionally dressing, with the same types of limited ventures outside of my house.
This page last updated: April 05, 2000
