Guardian Players Presents:
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE NERIMA
Part Three
Blindfolded and securely tied into wheelchairs, Ryoga and Ranma were wheeled down several hallways. By the time they finally came to a halt, even Ranma was
completely lost.
(Note: Yes it's the room full of Buddas from Big Trouble in Little China. I just don't want to describe it because I'm lazy.)
After Kuno cut their blindfolds off, Ryoga looked around and whispered to Ranma. "Do you know where we are?"
Before Ranma could answer, Kuno said haughtily. "You are no where, curs. If the master had not wished to see you, I would even now be endeavoring to learn the
location of my beloved Pig-Tailed Girl from you, Ranma Saotome."
Ranma struggled at his bonds, "Right, in your dreams, Kuno!"
Ryoga grinned and tossed his head in Ranma's direction. "Heck, all you need is a bucket of cold water. Then you'll have the girl of your dreams right here."
Kuno fairly flew across the room. "My beloved?! How? Tell me now or I'll…"
"You'll do nothing unless I tell you to, Kuno. Now stand aside."
Kuno stood, bristling, then bowed and stepped away. Ryoga and Ranma looked at each other in shock, then turned to face the sight before them.
In a motorized wheelchair, Happosai rolled into the room. Unlike what they were used to, Happosai looked truly ancient. He sat on a seat built up with several
cushions so that he could reach the controls. "Ranma, Ryoga, welcome to my humble abode."
Ryoga sat stunned for a moment, "Uh, excuse me, but we're here to see a David Lo Happosai."
"And you have found him."
Ranma snorted, "Enough of this chit chat. Where's Akane, you little freak?"
Happosai smiled and rolled a few feet closer. "That will be revealed in time, Ranma. All in good time."
"Wait a minute!" Ryoga exclaimed, "The Lo Happosai we saw was…"
Happosai snorted. "Nothing you can possibly understand. Mr. Hibiki." He turned once more to Ranma. "Now then, Ranma. Perhaps you'd like to share some things
about Akane, where she was born, perhaps. I know she's the daughter of my former student, Soun Tendo. Anything else?"
Ranma shrugged, "Well, she's build like a brick. She's violent as a gorilla and she can't cook!"
Ranma!
"What? You want me to lie to him?"
I want you to stick to the script. Otherwise, I may have to tell Akane what you said! In other words, how do you feel about re-entry burns?
"Promises…promises!"
"Are you two finished?" Happosai said testily. "I wanna get this over with so I can get set to marry Akane."
"WHAT!"
"Yes, that way I can escape this old man's body. Then I can rule the universe from beyond the grave, but first I need a woman. A special woman with dragon green
eyes to appease my demon. Then Ching Dai will be happy and I will be free to raid all the women's lingerie to my hearts content."
Ryoga looked confused. "How can marrying Akane do that? And who's this Ching Dai guy anyway?"
Happosai shot Ryoga a nasty look, "No, you fool, it is my demon. The spirit I must appease. Only a special woman who can withstand the burning blade and tame
the naked heart can appease the demon, then my curse will be lifted."
"And then go on to rule the universe from beyond the grave." Ryoga began.
"Indeed!" Happosai squealed.
"Or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first." Ryoga hardly flinched as Happosai began to steam and bluster. "You expect me to buy that shit? Come one,
Happy, are you telling me that in all these years there hasn't been another woman to fit the bill? You must have been doing something wrong."
Happosai rallied, "There have been others." He looked at both of his prisoners, "There are always others. But being as we are all men of the world, you then of
course know how things don't always work out between men and women." He began to laugh lightly. "And we all keep trying like fools…"
Happosai seemed about to continue when he suddenly he pointed at a monitor and became angry. "Are these friends of yours? Now this really pisses me off to no
end!"
As Happosai began to leave, Ranma cried out. "Wait a minute! Where's Akane?"
"Safe!"
"Where? In this building?"
"Safer with me than any being on earth. Kuno, take then away!"
At the entrance to the Wing Kong Exchange, Ukkyo, Dr. Tofu and Kasumi were trying without much success to bluff their way into the building. Even an attempt by
Ukkyo to bribe the guards with okonomiaki, which the guards were happily eating, was to no avail.
"Listen, pal," Ukkyo snarled at the guards. "If you think you can just turn us away…" Her hands itched to grab her spatula and slam these goons into the wall, but
she promised to try and stick to the script. "Well, my friend here is a reporter and her pen is mightier than your sword!"
Dr. Tofu tried to act as a mediator. "Come on, friend. What can it hurt to give the ladies a tour?"
The guard shrugged as he wiped his mouth. "Sorry, no visitors."
Neither of the guards seemed inclined to give any other answer. Even as Ukkyo began to close her fist around her spatula, Pantyhose Taro entered the lobby.
"Excuse me, but I think I can help you."
Ranma and Ryoga were once more blindfolded and whisked down a hallway. The guards parked them in a room deep in the bowels of the building. They heard the
sound of a very heavy door being locked.
Ryoga worked his hand loose then pulled off his blindfold. "Okay, we're in a metal room, with no windows."
"Where's the light coming from?"
Ryoga used a bandana as a knife to cut the rest of the ropes. "The floor." Ryoga scrambled to his feet and went over to cut Ranma free from his chair. "Well, let's
see about getting out of here."
As Ryoga prepared to use the Breaking Point technique to blast open the wall, Ranma stopped him. "Hold up. We have to wait here for a bit."
Ryoga looked at Ranma in annoyance. "What for?"
Ranma sat back in his chair and got out his now battered script. He quickly turned to the correct page. "Well, I'm supposed to fill you in as to some of what's going
on here." As Ranma read, an incredulous look formed on his face. "Army of the dead? Monkey sacrifices? Man, this is some truly weird stuff!"
Seeing that Ranma wasn't going to share much more, Ryoga found a good place to stand and began to read over his rival's shoulder.
Pantyhose regaled his 'guests' of the activities in Chinese as they began to descend in the elevator. Dr. Tofu was busy translating for the girls. As the elevator
proceeded lower, a hissing sound could just be heard.
Kasumi waved a hand in front of her face. "Is it stuffy in here, or is it just me?" She sagged against the wall coughing.
Ukkyo tried to make her hand grab her spatula. She looked disoriented. "Are we going up or down? Feels like down." The chef slowly sagged to the floor.
The elevator stopped and Pantyhose stepped out. He gestured to four women wearing the colors of the Wing Kong gang. The women quickly entered the cab and
carried the unconscious Ukkyo and Kasumi away. Pantyhose picked up the sleeping Dr. Tofu and tossed his over one shoulder.
Ryoga shook his head. "That's monstrous! If we don't do anything…"
"Then Happosai will be almost unstoppable." Ranma shuddered. "I don't even want to think about what kind of hell the little freak will put us through if he succeeds."
Ryoga was about to say something more when he heard footsteps getting closer. "Someone's coming!" He whispered.
Quickly the pair got back in their chairs. Ranma and Ryoga looked at each other for several seconds. Then Ranma reached up. "Blindfolds!" Just in time, they
managed to replace the cloths.
Pantyhose calmly walked in and found a hook on the wall to hang the still comatose Dr. Tofu. Having given Ryoga and Ranma only a passing glance, Taro was taken
by surprise as Ryoga jumped him from behind and put him in a choke hold.
"Okay, I don't want to kill you, so don't do anything stupid!" To Ryoga's surprise, Taro suddenly slammed his arm into Ryoga to knock him away. Ryoga tried to
hang on, but was quickly forced off. Ranma jumped in with his Amaguriken attack to try and wear his opponent down. To his surprise, his strikes had only limited
success. All he seemed to be doing was getting Taro angry. Pantyhose's hand snapped out and caught Ranma by the throat and lifted him off the floor. Ranma
suddenly found that he couldn't breathe.
Before Pantyhose could finish off Ranma, Ryoga jumped on Taro's back once more. This time using his belt as a knife. "Okay, let's try this again. Don't make me kill
you, tough-guy. Otherwise, you'll be stuck with that stupid name on your tombstone."
Ranma shook his head to clear out the cobwebs, then quickly ran over and helped Dr. Tofu down. As he followed the doctor to the door, Ranma turned and called
back. "Okay, Ryoga, let's go!"
Ryoga tried to look at Ranma. "How?"
Pantyhose answered that question by beginning to expand, eventually knocking Ryoga back into a wheelchair. Ryoga's momentum propelled the wheelchair
backward down the inclined hallway. Ryoga struggled to regain control as he careened down the hall. Two guards, drawn by Ryoga's screams, were run down as
the wheelchair blew past them.
Somehow, Ryoga sensed danger and grabbed the wheels of his chair, stopping it at the very edge of a very deep well. Gingerly, Ryoga eased his chair forward.
When he felt it was on reasonably firm ground, he leapt from the chair, which was propelled into the well. Ryoga leaned against the wall to catch his breath as Ranma
and Dr. Tofu ran down to join him.
Dr. Tofu stepped up and looked down the well. "Interesting technique." He handed Ryoga a gun, which Ryoga held with only two fingers.
"What's with the guns?"
Tofu shrugged, "I took them off the guards. I know you probably won't need them, but still…"
Ranma nodded. "He's probably right." Ranma looked at Ryoga's pistol. "Hey, I'll trade ya."
Ryoga shrugged. "Sure." The trio spent a minute sorting themselves out. In the distance, they could hear Pantyhose beating on the door. "I think we should be going."
Tofu nodded. "Right, first we have to get Ukkyo and K…k…kasu…" His glasses began to fog over.
Ranma grabbed the doctor and shook him. "Stay focused! Which way do we go?"
Taking a deep breath, Tofu answered. "This way. When we reach the elevator, we need to go up. Mr. Tendo and Cologne are out front in Cologne's van so
Mousse can get us out of here."
Ranma nodded and called to Ryoga. "Stay close, I don't wanna have to find both you and Akane."
"Just take care of yourself, Ranma. I'm right behind you." Suddenly, Ryoga smiled as he spied a bucket on the floor. "I think I got a way to get us into where they're
holding the girls."
Kasumi lay on the cot in her cell and wrote furiously. "Everything is strange. So unreal, and yet so very frightening."
In the next cell, Ukkyo struggled against her bonds. She was hog-tied with her hands tied behind he back. The thick gag in her mouth muffled her curses as she tried
to free herself.
Ranma-chan lead the way around the corner, thus she was the one who almost walked into the Wing Kong standing there. She quickly delivered a roundhouse kick
to the startled gangster, but the sound of him hitting the wall brought four more of his friends running.
Ryoga jumped out and let fly with several bandanas. Between himself and Ranma, the Wing Kong were unconscious in less than four seconds. They paused to look
at each other and shrug before continuing on to the elevator.
"No pathetic excuses. I want them found, and if you fail, I'll send you to the hell where people are skinned alive!" Happosai spat into the phone. Hanging up, he
turned his wheelchair around and rolled into his office.
As the chair came to a halt, Happosai's head began to glow and light streamed out of his eyes and mouth. With a flash, in place of the decrepit old man, sat the
seven-foot high version of Happosai. In a fluid motion he rose and glided out of the room, he exited by passing through the wall as if a ghost.
Happosai passed through another wall to enter a chamber that glowed with a soft white light. Hovering near the back was Akane. Her features were peaceful as she
slept. For several moments, Happosai gazed down upon her before speaking.
"I am sorry, my dear. I know how angry you would be if you knew what I was doing." He reached down, but his hands passed through the sleeping Akane's form.
Looking up, Happosai pleaded. "Ching Dai, let me be made whole soon! Please"
Dr. Tofu held his gun against Ranma-chan's head. He called out as they closed with the entrance to the cells holding the Wing Kong's female prisoners. "Let me in! I
swear, I'll blow her head off! Then your souls will be sent to the deepest hell that the spirits can find!"
Below the walkway, Ryoga was working his way hand over hand into the prison area. Under his breath, he was muttering about Ranma, Happosai and the
Narrator's questionable parentage. On the walkway, Ranma-chan and Dr. Tofu were busy as several Wing Kong women came charging out to deal with the
intruders.
Kasumi was concentrating on her writing when she heard movement above her. She started when she saw Ryoga looking through the cage roof. "Ryoga?"
"Hi. Where's Ukkyo?"
Kasumi gestured to the cell next door, "She's in there. You should have seen her, Ryoga, it took about a dozen of them to finally tie her down." She began to gather
her things. "How are you planning on getting us out?"
Ryoga shrugged, "I have no idea."
Back out front, Ranma-chan was dodging the blows of a girl wielding a staff. Ranma-chan fell back and pulled two more Wing Kong women in close before
releasing his Hiru Shoten Ha. In a huge blast of light and force, the women were flung in all directions.
Dr. Tofu was having a bit of difficulty with his opponent until, after ducking below a strike at his head, dropped his foe by hitting several shiatsu points. She was
unconscious before she even hit the floor.
Ryoga, after a few false starts, found his way to where the Wing Kong kept their female prisoners. To his dismay, it appeared that there were over 50 women in
addition to Kasumi and Ukkyo. "Great, as if we didn't have enough problems," Ryoga muttered. Glancing about, he quickly found the locks for the cages holding the
women.
"Get back!" With a touch of his finger, Ryoga used his Breaking Point technique to shatter the locks. Ryoga hurried down to the cages holding Ukkyo and Kasumi.
He severed her bonds with a bandana and helped Ucchan to her feet. "C'mon, let's go!" He said as he dragged Ukkyo from her cage. She didn't even get a chance
to pull her gag free.
As they neared the exit, Ryoga called to Ranma-chan and Dr. Tofu. "Okay, I got them, let's get outta here! Haul ass!"
Ranma-chan was about to make a snide remark as the first of the Wing Kong's bullets cracked past her head. Dr. Tofu and Ranma-chan hurried after the others
with the Wing Kong and Pantyhose Taro close behind.
Ryoga paused as a rail over a pool of water. As he looked for another exit, several of the women he had released jumped into the water and swam into a pipe. With
a shrug, he gave a push to a hesitant Ukkyo, then leapt over the rail and into the water. Ranma-chan and Dr. Tofu followed only a second behind him.
Pantyhose pulled up short, there was no way he was going to turn into that Yeti-thing he was cursed to become when wet. He stood and glowered as the Wing
Kong fired into the water in hopes of hitting one of the intruders.
In the pipe, the escapees found a spot to come up for air. Ukkyo stopped and cried out. "Kasumi? Dr. Tofu?"
Just then, Kasumi surfaced, looking wet and miserable. Ukkyo grabbed her. "Where's Dr. Tofu?"
Kasumi could only shake her head and sputter, "I don't know!" before taking another deep breath and diving below once more.
A moment later, Tofu surfaced his glasses all askew.
Ukkyo grabbed him. "Where's Ran-chan?"
"I don't know." Tofu dove under once more.
When Ranma-chan surfaced, Ukkyo repeated her efforts, asking where Ryoga was. Ranma-chan dove under with a shrug and another "I don't know."
Ukkyo looked up and down the pipe calling, "Ryoga? Ryoga!" After several moments of silence, she said almost as a sob. "Ryoga?"
With a splash and a sputter, Ryoga surfaced, floundering for air. Ukkyo caught him and pulled him close. "Ryoga!" After a moment's hesitation, Ryoga returned the
embrace. Pulling back, he caught her face in his hands and kissed her.
For several moments, Ukkyo felt herself respond to the kiss. Then, with a start, she pulled back. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Sorry," Ryoga began with a grin. "Just glad to be alive!"
Ukkyo looked at him in disbelief. "Yeah, sure." She led the way down the pipe. She looked back in confusion. "Hey, why aren't you a pig?"
Ryoga shrugged as he paddled through the pipe. "Long story. I'll tell you later."
Ranma caught Dr. Tofu's hand and let him haul her to her feet. The room they were in had lots of pipes and grates all along the walls and roof. "Is everyone all right?"
Ranma heard and saw everyone either nod or answer yes. She looked around. "Where's Ryoga and Ucchan?"
Ryoga helped Ukkyo from the pipe. "We're right here." Ryoga looked around. "So where the heck are we now?"
Ranma pointed at a ladder. "This looks kinda familiar. I think it's a central sewer underneath the warehouse we first came in."
Ryoga waded over and climbed up the ladder. He quietly peered out of the trap door at the top of the ladder. Satisfied, he lowered himself back down. "Okay, It
looks clear. Let's go."
As Ryoga and Ranma led the way across the warehouse, Ukkyo and the other escapees followed along behind. Ryoga took up a place at the door and waved the
rest to silence. He listened carefully, but didn't hear anything on the other side of the door.
"Okay, things get pretty normal from here on out." He paused to let Tofu and Ranma translate. "Just a bunch of storerooms and offices, a nice false front. Now
Ranma and I will lead the way. You all just follow along real quiet."
With that, Ryoga pulled open the door. There on the other side was most of the Wing Kong who had been chasing them. Quickly, he slammed the door back
closed. He turned to the others. "Okay, we might be trapped."
An axe smashed through the door, just missing Ryoga's head by inches. "All right, new plan…HIDE!"
Ukkyo and Ranma turned and said to the group. "Hide!" They turned back to Ryoga and asked in disbelief. "Hide?"
Ryoga ran back and stood waiting for the gangsters to force open the door. "Have you got a better idea? Go on! They only saw me! Besides, Ukkyo doesn't have
any of her weapons."
Ucchan scowled. "You would have to bring that up."
Ranma pushed her back toward the back of the warehouse. "Ryoga's right, although I can't believe I just admitted it. We'll handle these guys." She smiled at Ucchan.
"Trust us." Skeptically, Ukkyo moved off to watch the fight. Ryoga looked at Ranma. "You should go too."
Ranma smiled as she cracked her knuckles. "Sorry, P-chan, we're in this together. Do or Die!"
Chuckling, Ryoga answered. "Somehow, I think I'm going to regret this." Before he could say more, the Wing Kong came charging through the door.
Drawing on his anger, Ryoga let loose with a Shi Shi Hokodan blast and sent half a dozen gangsters flying. He then scattered several more with a few well-placed
bandanas. Ranma took on her fair share with her Amaguriken attack. The Wing Kong didn't have time to fully register what was happening until they were all out
cold. The fight ended with Ranma and Ryoga standing side by side with all the Wing Kong at their feet. Ranma looked up at Ryoga. "Let's get outta here."
Ryoga nudged a path clear for the other escapees. "Yeah. I guess these guys weren't that tough after all." Looking toward the ceiling. "You could have made some of
the fights challenging."
True, but I'm saving the best for last.
Ukkyo nudged Ryoga in the ribs. "Don't go and give him anymore ideas. Who knows what he'll come up with next."
(Insert evil laughter here…:P)
(To be concluded)
The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creations of Rumiko Takahashi and are being used without her permission The events from Big Trouble in Little China are the property of 20th Century Fox and likewise are being used without permission. Any likeness to any persons living or dead is just your imagination and is not my problem.
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