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PAIN

 

For seconds the silence created in that room was absolute. It was just endless, as if no one would ever talk again. But it wasn't a peaceful silence, because within the couple staring at each other, a revolution was taking place, pain was soaring through their bodies inside a love that couldn't die, but couldn't be.

Brian didn't blink, not even when two fat tears rolled down his cheeks. Lucy didn't take her eyes away from Brian's... she couldn't. She loved him so much! And she knew all the pain he was going through now, but she couldn't help it. It was the right thing to do. It had been the only way out.

Brian walked closer to her, never breaking the stare. He could barely see Lucy's bottom lip tremble when his own eyes were drowning in tears. Finally, his voice seemed to have come back to him...

"You were expecting a baby?" - he asked softly.

"Yes, I was."

"Was...? Lucy, you 'was'...?" - Brian asked in disbelief.

"Brian, I didn't want this baby. I... I wanted it for some time, but then I realized I couldn't, couldn't raise a child on my own." - Lucy explained.

Brian's eyes were still wide, his heart was breaking in throbbing pain. And Lucy too was drowning into a love that threatened to drive her insane.

"What about me?!" - Brian raised his voice, staring at her. - "I would raise this child, it was my baby, my baby Lucy!!! How could you...?" - Brian panted.

"It wasn't your baby, it was in my body!!!!" - she protested.

"You didn't... you didn't kill our baby, did you?" - Brian begged.

Lucy felt a knot on her throat. God... it was painful. She wasn't strong enough to go through this. She had spent the afternoon in a hospital room, she couldn't... couldn't be in such painful argument right now.

"I... I did what was right. Its too late now, Brian... stop this crap... It's too late." - she whispered.

"NOOOOO!!!!" - Brian cried out. - "I wanted this baby, Lucy!" - he was crying, shaking, and Lucy was so scared with all this... - "I wanted! So bad... it's the second baby I lose..."

"Leighanne was never really pregnant!" - she exclaimed angry.

"I don't care, you had no fucking right to do that!" - Brian exploded. The idea Lucy had killed their... their baby, the gift of their love was too much, just more than Brian could bear with.

"I have the right to do what I want to my body!"

"This baby didn't belong to you!" - Brian was gesturing completely flustered.

Lucy walked away from him, fighting against her dizziness... she could pass out at any time, so weak she felt...

Lucy found support on the couch where she leaned against, watching while Brian walked back and forth through the living room, crying, breaking into pieces as his mind processed the whole truth Lucy had told him.

"Why?? Why!!! Don't you know it's against the Bible?!" - Brian shot at her, from a pretty distance now. - "Do you know what church says about abortion?! Do you know what GOD says about killing a baby???!!!! An innocent child??!"

"I didn't fucking kill anyone! And I don't care what the Bible says! It also says parents always love their children, and it is not true! My mother didn't give a fuck about me! I barely knew my father! Bible says love is the most beautiful thing and it damns love between people from the same sex, the Bible is screwed up!"

"Don't say that!"

"Don't fucking tell me what to do!" - Lucy cried, scared, lonely.

Brian came closer to her again, their faces inches away.

"I should have known you better, Lucy..." - Brian wiped his tears, he didn't know how much more he could stand of this. - "Killing a baby proves you are not worth a dime... you are not worth all the love I have for you... you... I hate you!" - Brian cried. Knowing, knowing deep in his heart, bellow the thick wall of hatred, anger and frustration that he loved, and no matter how badly he would hate Lucy forever, he wouldn't ever love anyone else in his lifetime.

"I don't care. Get the fuck out of my house! Are you happy now? I wouldn't ever tell you about this baby, why did you have to come here bothering me..."

"Because I came here to tell you that I loved you! I came here because I couldn't live without you and hated me for what I had said! I came here because your face was all I could see when I closed my eyes..." - Brian cried, breathing with difficulty.

Lucy's heart trembled, and it was when she regretted what she had done. She loved Brian! Loved him... she wanted... wanted to be with him, please...

"But what you did... is so wrong, is so disgusting! I won't ever look at your face again! Because you killed a part of me that grew inside of you!"

In a desperate outburst, Lucy didn't want to fight anymore... just needed to be left alone.

"I did it! I aborted your baby, and I would have done it all over again!" - she exclaimed.

The hurting inside him was so painful, his love was so real and crazy, the feelings were so confused that Brian didn't have time to think when he lifted his hand in a threatening way to slap Lucy.

The girl watched Brian's hand raise in the air and looked coldly at him.

"Do it!" - she demanded. - "Do it, Brian!!! Beat me! Isn't this what you want?! Isn't this what you've been wanting to do since I slept with your best friend?!" - Lucy exclaimed looking deeply into his eyes, a tone of hurting in her voice.

Brian shook his head and let his hand fall on his body's side regretfully.

"Shut up." - he said.

Brian turned around to walk away, hearing Lucy's heavy breath behind him.

His back at her, Brian reached the door.

"I loved you the moment I saw you." - Brian whispered quietly before going away.

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Lucy watched him go.

"I love you too..." - she whispered closing her eyes and contorting in pain. - "Oh, God..." - Lucy whimpered. All she wanted was to lay down on her bed, but she didn't feel strong enough to climb up the stairs.

Crying all the while, fighting with her weak legs and trembling body, ever so slowly Lucy walked step by step to her room, and finally made it to her large bed.

Lucy lied on the white sheets, her tears soon made the pillow wet. The girl cried. She cried because it wasn't the first time in her life she had done that.

--------------------- FLASH*BACK -----------------------

Lucy arrived at the doctor very early in that sunny afternoon. She was pretty nervous for what was to come. Lucy had been long days and nights only thinking about it. It could be thrilling, but it was definitely scary. And most of all because she was lonely right now. One of the most important moments in her life and she was lonely...

"Lucy? Are you ready?" - the doctor asked her warmly.

She smiled softly and nodded.

Lucy had changed clothes briefly in a white room, and she was wearing one of those large hospital gowns when she lied on that cold bed, waiting for the doctor.

Lucy looked around, fighting back tears...

It didn't take much until the friendly old man came back, smiling at his patient, getting ready all the equipment he would need.

"So, Lucy... this is gonna hurt a bit. You will feel very dizzy after we are done, and I will give you some medicine to help you relax. What we are about to do will be very stressful to the baby, and therefore you might feel really sick. I strongly recommend that once you arrive home you rest all day long to recover, ok?"

"Yes, doctor." - Lucy smiled.

"The whole process to find out the sex of the child tend to get babies really agitated, and mommies are the ones to suffer." - he giggled softly. - "But all the discomfort and maybe pain you might feel are normal. It happens most of the times when we do this process to find out the sex of the baby."

Lucy nodded again, and during the next couple of hours she felt that icy gel on her belly, and the doctor kept showing her images of her baby in that weird machine. Lucy could hear the heart beats, and she couldn't help crying when it happened so. If Brian was there... if Brian was there to see their baby moving!

Lucy couldn't wait to have this baby! She already loved them more than she could understand or explain! It was a part of Brian... a life that joined a part of her and Brian at the same time...

"Congratulations, Lucy. You are expecting a beautiful and healthy girl."

"Oh!" - Lucy bit on her bottom lip and cried in joy.

With her hands she tried to wipe away the amount of tears sliding down her cheeks. She would have a little girl... Brian would have a little girl...

When Lucy called her driver to pick her up she was still crying. Crying in joy, crying in pain for not having Brian there... to share all the emotion she was feeling...

-----------------END OF FLASH*BACK---------------------

It wasn't the first time she had done that in her life.

Lucy cried quietly and cuddled her pillow. She wouldn't ever be capable of having an abortion! Lucy loved her baby... Lucy loved her little girl. She didn't go to that doctor to lose the child she was gonna have with Brian. She just went there to know the sex of this baby...

And today Brian had paid her a visit. Lucy could have told it! It could have been so perfect if she had only told him...

"Brian... Brian I didn't abort our baby! Its here... its here inside of me, your little girl is here..." - Lucy whined painfully against the pillow, her tears hot.

She could have said the truth. But Lucy didn't. She didn't want back the only man she had ever and could ever love in her life. When she saw Brian she had already made up her mind of not letting him know about the girl she carried within her. Brian wouldn't come back to her life, Lucy wanted to be alone.

But it had been only when Brian broke down, only when Brian cried his love through his broken heart that Lucy understood she could not live without him! She didn't want to do anything in this life without Brian's love! And when she saw him breaking down she regretted it so deeply... she regretted having lied to Brian... having made the father of her baby think she had had an abortion...

It wasn't the first time she did that.

A couple of years ago Lucy had told Brian to fuck off from her life. She had told Brian, when he came back looking for her after so many years, that she had never loved him. Lucy was dying in a love she denied strongly to him. Lucy had told Brian she just wanted to play with him, when love burned her heart and made her blood hot in fever...

What she had done now wasn't much different. But was definitely much, much more painful...

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