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YOUR LOVE IS GONE. BUT MY LOVE IS HERE

 

The first person Brian had run to was Nick. Right after he left Lucy's house, the older friend went to the younger Backstreet Boy's house, and Brian cried like a baby in Nick's soothing embrace. Brian had broken down so badly and for so long, that at a time Nick had actually felt embarrassed of wiping his friend's tears and hugging him so tenderly through more than one hour...

When Nick heard what Brian had to say he didn't believe it. He just could not believe it! Lucy?

"She had an abortion! Lucy aborted our baby, Nicky, she was pregnant!" - Brian cried against his blond friend's chest, shaking in sobs that seemed endless at that time.

Nick sighed deeply, not knowing what to say... what to do...

"Lucy pregnant? But how come she never told me about it?!" - how come he had never suspected anything? Her constant sickness, the way she had been so over sensitive...

"It doesn't matter anymore, Nick..." - Brian cried out in a desperate tone, his words drowning into his own tears, his voice confusing. - "There is no baby!!!!" - he sobbed hard and hid his head on Nick's shirt. - "No baby and no Lucy for me!!!"

Nick watched in shock, baffled as his friends words were spit into the air, and Brian cried almost convulsively. In all the twelve years of knowing each other, Nick had never seen Brian crying so much. He thought he had seen Brian falling apart some times, but those times became nothing in comparison to the shocking state his friend was now, whimpering words, crying out Lucy's name, crying out in the name of baby that would never be born...

"I can't believe she did that..." - Nick whispered, having Brian's head cuddled under his chin. Brian wasn't grasping Nick for comfort of his pain, he was grasping Nick because he didn't think he could survive! Brian didn't think he could ever live again after the news Lucy had given him! - "Lucy is not a murderer..." - Nick's voice was slow, his eyes wild.

Hearing his words Brian cried harder, his heart was aching physically, contaminating its ache through his blood, making his whole body sore, making his soul weak. Not having this baby was so painful... but knowing he wouldn't ever have Lucy was the main cause that right now Brian couldn't lift his head. He couldn't, not even if he wanted.

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The next day the first thing to be announced on MTV was the imminent date of this years' Video Music Awards. Only two more weeks... everybody warming up, everybody in the mood. Everybody?

Lucy cut down any possibility of getting in touch with her from the outside world. She had talked to her ex-bandmates through phone, and later she strongly warned the lady working for her that she would not take any calls from anyone. Not mattering who was it.

Lucy felt just too weak to give press conferences. The baby had been a bit cranky since the exam, but thank God everything was doing good. Lucy took the medicine the doctor told her too, and made sure to eat only healthy things. In a couple of days everything should be back to normal, and her baby would grow fast into a pretty girl. Lucy smiled at the thought...

But she smiled briefly, because there was pain soaring through her body. Brian was this pain. Lucy was what caused this pain to happen. "All my fault..." - she kept telling herself. Lucy knew that if it wasn't for her they could be together now. But she also couldn't forget the reasons that made her do what she did. She was just too hurting! Brian had been too rude and selfish on her, she couldn't forget the things he told her for having slept with Nick. His words had hurt so badly!...

And then what she did? What did the stubborn, willful Lucy do? The same thing she had always done since she was a teenager. She attacked whenever she felt attacked. She gave back the hurting by lying to Brian, making him believe she no longer carried their baby. Silly game this... silly game of hurting the ones you love... But they had played this game just so many times, that now, Lucy and Brian could no longer be... Lucy knew it. They had had their chance and couldn't work it out. They loved each other so much, but everything was so wrong! They weren't the center of the universe, life wouldn't beg them to be back together. Things would just... go on...

And to go on right now Lucy had to block Nick out completely. She didn't answer his phone calls, and more than one time had she sent him back to his house without talking for a minute at least! Lucy knew what he was gonna say. And she didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to hear Nickolas telling her what of a bitch she had been for having had an abortion - that she didn't have. She couldn't stand Nick crying, telling her how much Brian was crying, making her cry too. Over something that wasn't real... Of course some day she would have to say the truth, but Lucy didn't think of the future, she didn't make plans anymore. Her baby and the career were all that mattered now.

Nick could wait, her friends could wait... Sometimes Lucy didn't know what she was doing anymore...

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He had tried bad but nothing worked! Lucy didn't talk to him at all, not even through the phone, and he could bet she hadn't read the letter he made himself write to her!

Nick grew frustrated, because he wasn't doing that to Brian, his friend was too hurting to think of something to do! Nick was doing it for himself, for his friend... he demanded an explanation, anything! He wanted to curse Lucy for not having asked his help, for having made his best friend suffer, for killing a baby! But he also wanted to soothe the tears he knew Lucy was crying...

Not for the first time, Nick felt as if there was nothing he could do. He began to doubt the saying that all love stories, sooner or later, have a happy ending. Because this definitely didn't seem to be heading for one.

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He didn't have all the time he wanted and needed to cry over his sorrows, because two days after Lucy gave him the news, his mother showed up in his house to pay him a visit.

For a moment Brian didn't think he could handle a conversation with his mother being things the way they were. How would he start? Brian wondered just how would he begin to explain things to that wonderful woman that raised him, without hurting her... because for sure she would be hurt with the things he would have to tell her.

Right now, as she sat on the sofa ahead of him, drinking some tea Brian served them, he just didn't think he could do it. He knew his mother's heart would be as broken as his own when he gave her the news about Lucy aborting the baby. And Brian didn't want to cause his mom this pain. And you know why? Because he was ashamed... because deep inside he couldn't help but feeling this bitter glance of guilty for what happened. If they hadn't fought over the whole Nick's issue, this baby would be alive by now.

Things got a bit easier when Jackie went straight to the point.

"I came here because Nick called me, sweetie. He said you were very sad because you and Lucy broke up..."

"Nick told you?" - Brian raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, darling. And he asked me to come here and talk to you, because he was very concerned and felt that only by himself he wasn't being able to help you out..."

"Mom... its such a long story, so hard to explain..." - Brian looked around before letting his eyes fall on that loving woman.

"Brian, honey, you don't need to give me details, I'm not here to judge you or anything. I'm here just to help you... You and Lucy. You know Brian? You were right when you told me I would turn out by liking that girl. I really do! I see Lucy on TV and I have come to learn and adore this sweet side she tries to hide..."

Brian shook his head slowly, he felt like crying.

"She is so beautiful and loves you so much, I feel like I need to do whatever is possible for you two to be together... I can see you and Lucy having a beautiful life ahead, Brian..." - she smiled warmly.

"No, mom..." - Brian whimpered.

"...with lots of children and..."

"No, mom!" - Brian whimpered louder, meeting his mother happy eyes with his teary ones.

"Why not, dear?"

"Mom..." - Brian felt the same warm tears that put him to sleep these couple of past nights come back to his eyes right now, in the same agony, the same pain. - "Lucy is not the girl I thought she was! You're right... everyone was right, I made a mistake... a big mistake..."

But Jackie could remember the shine in her son's eyes when he introduced Lucy to her! This couldn't have been a mistake, all the pain those two had been through, it couldn't have been in vain!

"Why this, Brian?"

It was time, he had to be honest.

"Mom... this is gonna hurt, but I'll have to tell you. I... Lucy and I had a serious fight, over some stupid, a silly argument I created... it was my fault, I told her things that I shouldn't have... I hurt her badly. And then... we were apart for this time... and... A couple of days ago I tried to get back with her and then she told me..." - Brian finished his sentence in a river of tears. - "She told me she was pregnant."

Jackie's lips parted slightly in surprise.

"And she had had an abortion, that very day. Our baby, mom... Lucy aborted our baby only to hurt me!" - Brian cried.

Jackie felt her heart skipping a beat, only to come back at full force. What Brian was saying couldn't be true... Her grandbaby?! Abortion? No, no this didn't happen.

"Brian... Oh, God! My son..." - Jackie squeezed Brian's hand, and the next moment she had her son back to the arms he had been so many times when he was a child, and the mother cuddled him affectionately.

"And I love this woman, mom! I love this murderer! And I hate her so much! I will never ever look into Lucy's eyes again, she has no idea how badly she hurt me with this... our baby..." - Brian whined.

Jackie was so in shock that she couldn't give Brian any kind of reply. And it wouldn't have been worth anything when all the man could do was cry, cry because of the baby, and secretly cry for Lucy.

The lady was baffled, terrified, desperate... Abortion was wrong! Lucy having an abortion?! His son's girlfriend? Taking off of her body a baby, Brian's son, her grandson? This was wrong, so wrong...

Jackie cried silent tears with her son. How could a mom ever reject a child? How?! But not only a mom, Jackie was also a woman. And a very wise woman. The shine she had seen on Lucy's eyes wasn't a fake one. Any girl could have had an abortion if the fight had been really that bad. Any girl that didn't love the baby's father.

Jackie didn't say a thing. But she was already thinking to herself. If Lucy really loved Brian, like she could bet she did, then no matter how bad was their fight, no matter how hurting she was... Knowing that she carried a piece of the man she loved inside of her was a gift just too great to throw it away.

The woman soothed Brian in silence, rocking him softly, and her son couldn't see when a smile flashed on Jackie's lips. It was a smile reflecting hope.

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