“I’m sorry” Josh said softly, feeling extremely sorry for this young boy. The things he’d gone through. Although Josh hadn’t exactly had it easy either, it still was nothing compared to what Justin had gone through. This was his whole life; Justin had spilled his entire life story and Josh felt quite proud he’d been willing to share it with him. But at the same time he wished it weren’t true, how much had Justin suffered, all the things that had been bad in his life. He felt tears well up for the sorrow of this young man. He truly understood now why Justin had robbed that store and how could you blame him?
“No one can hurt you like the people that are supposed to love you” Justin whispered through his hands. He’d dropped his head in his hands during the story of his past. The memories that were freed by revealing his past to this man, too hurtful to keep his head up. He’d pushed those scenes out of his head a long time ago but they bubbled up with last days’ events which were as if engraved in his mind cause of the recent time of happening and he would never forget those. The robbery, the hurtful messages of his father once he revealed he was gay, the words that were hurled at him, the fear and the big mistake he’d made.
“I know” Josh acknowledged, fixing his eyes on the road.
“What do you mean?” Justin inquired intrigued.
“I’m not really close to my family either, well not anymore anyway” Josh told him, recognizing Justin’s last story. It was similar but at the same time completely different.
“We used to be close”…
“I’m gay” seventeen year old Josh blurted as he sat in front of his parents.
“You’re what?” his father asked as he shifted to sit on the edge of his seat.
“I’m gay” he repeated. Silence filled the room and Josh held his breath suddenly not knowing how they would react. He’d thought they wouldn’t exactly be thrilled but he had hope they would accept him, they loved him didn’t they?
“Oh” his father said.
“Anyone want some more tea?” his mother said as if Josh never said anything. Josh looked at his mother incredulously.
“N… no” he declined, waving dismissively.
Didn’t they hear him?
“Dad?” Josh inquired as he saw his father nodding yes for some tea.
“Yes son?” he answered him.
“Didn’t you hear what I just said?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed and hands gesturing wildly. His father picked up the remote control and flipped the TV on.
“Dad?” Josh asked again as his father pretended he wasn’t there.
“Huh what?” his father asked absently. Josh stared openmouthed at his father. He stared back at his son, pretending to wait expectantly, Josh noticed it and closed his mouth.
“Forget it” Josh dismissed, slumping in his seat. All possible scenarios had played through his head the last couple of weeks, from where they would throw him out of the house to where they would embrace him and tell him they loved him no matter what but this one hadn’t been among them.
They ignored it; pretended they never heard it.
How could they do that?
He watched as his father flipped through the channels and finally settled on a football game. His father watched with interest although Josh knew he never watched this team and he got the message then; they didn’t want to acknowledge it because that would make it true. He got up and shuffled towards his room, letting his parents live in oblivious.
“I saw Ally in the supermarket today. She was asking for you Josh maybe you should go over there sometime. She’s very pretty” his mother said nonchalantly.
Josh sighed, pushing his food around on his plate; he was suddenly not hungry anymore. His parents did this almost every night, setting him up with a girl here and there but they just didn’t understand he wasn’t interested in them, in any of them. When he would try to tell them that they would just say well maybe someone else then but they didn’t get it through their thick head that he wasn’t interested in any of them. He wasn’t interested in girls. Of course he didn’t despise them or anything, of course not, he just didn’t feel for girls the way he was supposed to feel. He only felt that way around certain guys and his parent simply didn’t understand that, no matter how many times he tried to tell them that.
“Maybe we could invite her over for diner tomorrow” his mother offered.
“No, thank you” Josh mumbled, as he slumped further down in his chair, his fork making circles on his plate.
“But it will be fun!” his mother exclaimed.
“She is such a nice girl”
“I said no, ok!” Josh repeated through gritted teeth as he glared at his mother.
“Don’t talk to your mother like that!” his father scolded.
“Sorry” Josh mumbled scowling. He shoved some carrots in his mouth and ate quickly so he could be excused. He ignored the rest of his mother’s comments about this girl and that girl and was relieved when he left the diner table wondering if she would ever shut up about every single girl in town.
“That’s it” Josh mumbled to himself. Another diner and another girl’s name his mother had mentioned to him. Suddenly it seemed as if every girl in town was asking for him, according to his mother but he didn’t buy it.
“Will you stop?!” Josh had snapped at her, he had enough; after weeks and weeks of listening to this he reached his limit. Enough was enough. He’d pushed his chair back with such force it almost toppled over and stomped up the stairs. He started packing immediately; he couldn’t deal with this anymore. He packed quickly and barged downstairs, his mother’s voice stopped him at the front door.
“Where are you going?” she asked startled as she saw her son ready to leave the house.
“I’m going to stay with my boyfriend, thank you for asking” he said sarcastically before he walked out, leaving his dazzled mother and father behind.
“They did contact me after that but…” Josh trailed off, not knowing how to finish that sentence.
“Let’s just say it didn’t go very well” he finished with a sad smile as he glanced at the young boy to his right. Justin offered a weak smile as comfort, he knew how it felt and it hurt.
“Daddy, I wanna play game” Sam announced from the backseat. Josh blinked, a little startled but he recovered quickly.
“Sure what do you want to play sweetie?”
“I see something you doesn’t see” Sam replied determined, he just learned it and was thrilled about it.
“Ok” Josh agreed, passing a quick smile to Justin. Josh was happy for the little break, they’d told each other all about their pasts and it not only had been emotional draining it was also very painful for the both of them to rake up their past.
“Ju-tin, play too?” Sam asked hopefully.
“Sure” Justin replied as he twisted in his seat to look at the smiling little boy.
“Yay!” he exclaimed happily, throwing his little arms in the air in victory.
“I start” he told them seriously and Josh and Justin could barely contain their laughter. The seriousness of the two year old was endearing and not to mention funny as he was so happy one moment and serious the next. It surprised Justin but Josh just smiled at the diversity of his kid.
“Alright baby, you begin” Josh urged him as he glanced at Sam in his rearview mirror.
“It’s green” Sam told them immediately, skipping the ‘I see I see what you can’t see’ part. Josh smiled but began to guess,
“It’s the grass on the side of the road?”
“No” Sam answered, shaking his head wildly with a mischievous smile on his face.
“It’s the sticker” Justin guessed, pointing to the strip of green in the sticker on the windshield.
“No” Sam repeated, continuing to shake his head. Justin smiled at the little boy; he also was glad for the little distraction. He’d never been good with his past, he’d pushed it away, he didn’t want to think about it much less talk about it but seeing that boy and Josh’s gentle encouragement had left him wanting to share all the things he’d gone through. He was glad he could finally share it with someone who understood what it felt like, he’d never had that before and he was happy about that but it didn’t make talking about his past any less painful.
“A whinegum?” Josh tried, not seeing a lot of green around them and he didn’t see a lot of it in the car either.
“No” Sam answered, his smile growing.
“Your jacket?” Justin tried purposefully, knowing Sam wasn’t wearing a jacket.
“I doesn’t wear jacket” Sam told him, making Justin smile.
“I know, I give up. What about you Josh?” Justin gave in, looking to his left as he asked the question.
“Me too, I have no idea, tell us bud” Josh said as he glanced at the boy in the backseat.
“A bug” Sam informed them gleefully.
“A bug?” Justin asked confused, twisting around so he could look at the satisfied boy.
“Yes” Sam nodded once, confirming Justin’s question.
“I didn’t see one” Justin argued playfully.
“He flewed away” Sam told them seriously before shrugging.
“Good one” Justin winked, knowing that that could have been his answer and he smiled fully at the boy. Josh laughed at the exchange, shaking his head as he thought about it. Typical, he thought with a smile.
“Again!” Sam said enthusiastically; he liked this game.
“Let’s do it later k? We’re almost there” Josh told his son.
“K” Sam agreed easily, resting against the carseat as he stuck his thumb in his mouth and observed the scenery that rolled by.
A/N: I don’t know for sure if ‘I see something you don’t and it is…’ It is a game in the Netherlands so I can only assume you got something of that sort as well but forgive me if I’m wrong and I’d be more than happy to explain the game to you if you want to try it yourself ;)
